Re: The Challenges of Mental Health Wellbeing

Sans911 · 29 Jul 2018

This is one of my favourite writers-Leunig- which just came up in my Facebook page. I had to share

Faith-and-Hope · 29 Jul 2018

Hi all ..... 👋

That was / is my MIL ..... will never be good enough for her ..... she seems appreciative when I soften towards her, then throws me under the bus with no warning .... sigh ..... I’m a slow learner on an emotional level. Took me years to sign off on the relationship and maintain a cordial, businesslike manner that works, most of the time.

She still has her naughty days @Sans911 @Appleblossom, @utopia .... anyone else who knows one such as this ..... and there’s nothing much you can do with their naughty days other than rising above whatever ratty, bratty behaviour gets dished up in your direction.

That’s my 2c worth .... of course it’s my MIL, not my Mum, which I appreciate is a different planet (especially through / from childhood), but then I lost my mother too soon in my adult life, so no counterweight since then to Mrs-Naughty-Pants .... who is currently embedded in our mi challenges .... grrrrr .....

Hugs to everybody. Doesn’t fix it, but hopefully helps to soothe it .....

Sans911 · 29 Jul 2018

Thanks for everyone's perspective. It's helpful to know we all have troublesome mothers. My history is complicated by the fact I have 2 mothers. My foster mother is a stern woman, much older than my own mother, and she is a woman of few words. But her love for me is strong, and even stronger with her daughter, my foster sister.

My mother said to me a few weeks ago when all this started 'have a nice life with your other family', a fall back barb she has used before many times, or or it was go back to the care home, you prefer that over me. Although my brother said she probably didn't mean it, it really hit a sore spot. It hurt a lot.

I accepted many years ago that she was never going to be the mother I wanted or needed, I would have to accept her as she was. It doesn't mean it wasn't without frustration or tension. It's been hard, really hard at times.

One thing my brother is right about. I need to take of me right now. I very nearly ended in hospital last Wednesday night or worse. She cannot have the power to do that again. I will not fall onto her sword.

Faith-and-Hope · 29 Jul 2018

You go girrrrl @Sans911 ❣️

And love your DBT win @Teej .... go you too ..... ❣️

Snowie · 29 Jul 2018

@Sans911you do need to take care of you now hun.

Teej · 29 Jul 2018

I really like that pic you put up @Snowie. 💜

Teej · 29 Jul 2018

I’m so sorry that your mum feels the need for emotional blackmail @Sans911. It sounds like a really difficult place to be in. I’ve been trying to put myself in your shoes and the truth is I have no idea what I’d do.

I guess one thing that I thought about is if you feel like your mum loves you or if she is capable of love? It can get messy. I think there is a generation thing too about how our parents communicate love. It’s not always the easiest to feel. My brother and I just went through an experience this year where he shared something with my parents. The person he wanted/ needed approval from didn’t give it to him but told everyone else how proud they were of their son for his accomplishment. I was able to pass that on. Sometimes much gets lost in pride and communication..... and there are lots of people who struggle to be vulnerable enough to share those feelings (that’s often been me too).

Im not sure if this helps, I wanted you to know that you were heard (and felt 😢) for your painful relationship and situation. Loads of hugs for getting through and here’s to not falling on your sword for anyone 💜🤗