Sometimes I feel I will never get better

[BlueBay]

Do people ever recover from a mental illness?

i feel at the moment that nothing is going right.  how long will it take to feel a tiny bit better.

i told my therpaist today that i wanted to stop my meds altogether and he said if i do he will refuse to help me.  because he knows what happened last time i stopped my meds - i was not good psychologically. not that i am stopping them but i did think for a minute - what if i stop my meds, stop therapy - how would i be and feel??

i am feeling hopeless and feel that whatever i try i get pushed back again to square one - and then it takes a long time to get to a certain point

what's the point, i am axious, feel sick, high blood pressure and feeling emotional.

gosh i am so angry

[utopia]

@BlueBay. You are making steps towards a better life. You just have to keep focusing on positives that are happening in your life. Ignore your negative self talk. Keep working with your therapists. Listen to what they say.
Write down 3 things your grateful for every day. Especially important when you don't feel like it.
Remember the help your son has besn giving you. Keep walking your dog.
Be kind to yourself.
You will get there.

[NikNik]

Hi @BlueBay

I was once told a great metaphor.

Low moods are like being at the bottom of mountain ranges. You look up and there's so far to go, the mountain over shadows any sunlight and it can even be hard to see the top.

As you climb though - one step after the other, the top becomes clearer and closer. 

Eventually you get to the top of the mountain and you can see everything - the sun is shining, the view (which are the possibilities and your future) stretches on forever.

I sense at the moment you're towards the bottom of the mountains - would that be a fair assumption?

The annoying part of the analogy is that it's easy to fall down the mountain, than it is to go up - and it takes hard work.

It's important to remember - one foot after the other and have faith that the top is there.

[BlueBay]

Hi @NikNik@utopia

Thank you both for replying.  I think i haven't been feeling well this week with high blood pressure, high pulse and now with a cold.  I am at the moment feeling dizzy so i am off to bed after this.

I feel like it's one step forward and 2 steps back.  @NikNik I do understand what you're saying and yes your assumption is correct about me being at the bottom of the mountain.

I can see the top of the mountain and it looks huge, it looks so far away to get there.

I think it's because i am so tired physically and mentally.

@utopia that's what i need to do - write 3 positives for the day; be kind to myself (this is prob the hardest thing to do) especially when i feel like it.

Im sorry i am just having a really bad night. 

[utopia]

@BlueBay. There is no need to apologise for having a s**t day. We all have ups and downs. We are here for you through both.
And yes it is hard being kind to ourselves - especially when our brain keeps talking negatively. But you can write 3 things every day you're grateful for. Keep a book just for that. You can add it to your comfort box and read through previous entries when you're feeling a bit low. That way you can re focus your brain on the positives.
Climb that mountain. We know you can do it. You've been going for long walks. You can climb the mountain

[Kurra]

Hi @BlueBay

We had a steep hill on our property that was hard to drive up to the top without going backwards. You could be driving in a forward gear but the vehicle would be going down the hill...... unless. .....you managed to drive at exactly the right speed.. That was all the more difficult because the speed you needed was different for each vehicle.

It's much the same on the road to feeling a bit better with mental illness. We need to find the right speed for each situation. Too fast and it might not work hence the steps backwards. Trying to do too much at once can send us down the hill. One step at a time, one issue at a time will allow us to move forward slowly but surely.

I hope your bp and the other physical symptoms settle for you soon. 🎶💕

[BlueBay]

Hi @Kurra@utopia@NikNik

I wasn't in a good headspace last night, self doubting myself, negative talk in my head so much that i ended up going to bed feeling so exhausted.

I am so glad to be on this forum and have friends like you guys that can help me see how much i have been through and how far i have come. 

You know i just remembered, last sunday when i went for that huge walk with the family, we were at the car park and i could see the spot we had to walk to and it was on a hill overlooking the bay on one side and the ocean on the other.  And i thought to myself 'there is no way i can walk up that hill to the top' but guess what? i did.  I power walked so fast that i left the family behind.  i had all this anger in me that i just kept walking fast paced.  i needed to get that anger out of me. And i did it.

part of me knows tht i can do it - it's the other part (maybe my inner child) that feels scared, or insecure???

@Kurra I like what you wrote, it makes sense to me and I will be gentle on myself.

Actually i just remembered from last nights session that he pointed out to me that i need things done straightaway, i want things fixed right now; i need things right now. Maybe that's how my head has been all my life - i want my life fixed right now; i want my mental illness better right now.  But it doesn't happen 'right now' does it? it takes time, one step at a time.

I need to retrain myself in not wanting things 'right now' and just go with the flow.

boy i have so much work to do on myself; i have tears because if only i knew i was like this a long time ago i would be better now. but it's taken me 50 yrs to see what kind of a person i am.

[utopia]

@BlueBay. I think most people do their most growth and reflections when they are older - MI or no MI.
Yes I remember you climbing that hill last weekend. I was so impressed.
Work on one issue at a time. When you have mastered that - move on to the next issue. But you must do your calming exercises and homework. It sucks not being well NOW. But you HAVE come along way. You are already on that mountain climb. You keep looking up and dreading how much more you have to climb. But sometimes you need to look back down the mountain - to realise how far you have come.
Just try to think - Today Will Be A Better Day

[Former-Member]

Sometimes, like today, I ask the same question @BlueBay 😯😢
I understand. Some days are really hard. It is very frustrating.
I sometimes have a good day or 2, then something happens and I fall down again.
It's hard fighting sometimes.

When you feel up to it, research EMDR therapy. It apparently really helps people with PTSD etc.......
I recently started seeing a psychologist who does this therapy. Have had 4 sessions, to prepare me for EMDR. I'm really hoping it helps. It sounds very good from what I've read.

I read about the awful abuse you've had in your life and perhaps EMDR could be for you.

When I'm feeling a little stronger I can explain a bit more about it, if you like. Today I'm not feeling well at all.

I hope you are able to rest this weekend. Do you get time for yourself? 💜🌷🌸🌹🌺🌻🌼

[Former-Member]

Hi @utopia and @Kurra and @NikNik 💜