Never being in a relationship

[tyme]

Absolutely @TheRenegade345 . Terribly terribly difficult. 15 years of absolute torture. I was sectioned in acute care many many times. I can't even begin to explain what it was like. Literally on the brink of death. 

That's why everyday, I'm in awe that I'm still alive. I never thought I would get to where I am now. In a way, compared to my sisters, I'm a 'slow developer' in that I've always taken longer to get to where they so easily get to. My sisters are both married and one has 3 kids and the other has 2. They've got everything, and I used to question why they have things so easy. 

Nowadays, I don't compare myself to them because I just know my path is different to theirs and I always take longer with eveything.

As for the neural pathways business, I have a teacher friend whose daughter is not good at maths. Everytime I see them, she always tells me that they are exercising their daughter's math brain to get it stronger. 

I certainly feel this is the same with positive self talk. It is not about lying to yourself, but to have a recovery focus. 

I'm not very good at articulating it, but I know it works.

I'm not sure if you are a reader, but a book that really enlightened me was, "The Woman Who Changed her Brain"... I know this is not seen as an evidence-based piece of literature, but I can say it really opened my eyes to see that how I see things is control by no one, but ME.

[tyme]

And no, my brain 'change' didn't actually start until I was about 33 years old. @TheRenegade345 

[TheRenegade345]

@tyme 

So I was talking to someone on an app, it seemed to be going well. Then as we were trying to organise a date, I opened up and revealed I am neurodivergent and I was immediately unmatched.

I am feeling very vulnerable and rejected. I wads wondering if you had any ideas how to manage this? Rather than me falling into my self-pitying trap.

[tyme]

You know what? It takes a lot to share first go that you are neurodivergent, and in a way, I feel it's better they know early than think you are trying to hide something @TheRenegade345 

You know what it reminds me of? When I've gone for a 'failed' interview. I tell myself that if I don't match their work culture, than I'd rather be sifted out early than be left hanging.

I am neurodivergent and I see people who are neurodivergent. The sugar, spice and colour they add to the world is amazing. You just need honest, special people to see that.

To be honest, I felt very proud of you after reading your post in that you took up the challenge of reflecting on your thinking. This is certainly the beginning of BIG changes.

I'm ready to ride this out with you mate. No turning back now!

[TheRenegade345]

@tyme 

I am trying different things because it would have been so easy to fall down that trap.

I am trying to frame it in the sense that she is missing out, 100 percent she is. I know I am good enough, I just cant believe how callous one can be.

She is in education too, teaching primary kids. I mean, that is very close minded of her and it just felt so heartbreaking.

[tyme]

Wow @TheRenegade345 ,

That's powerful thinking.

Yes, I believe she is missing out. And, you know what? You are saving yourself future sorrow I reckon. 

If she is so close minded now, who knows what the future will be?

Good on you for holding on. I'm so impressed 🙂

I recognise this is a huge switch and change from other possible mindsets and narratives.

My fingers and toes are crossed for you 🙂

[TheRenegade345]

@tyme 

I think so too, I feel like it’s become a way of filtering people out. My ND is high functioning and some people aren’t aware that I am neurodivergent too so it’s just weird she was like that.

She also has a child too so what happened if her child grows up to become neurodivergent and has ASD/ADHD? Will she run away from them too? 

anyways I’m trying to think of different ways to handle this stuff. It helps that I have school today which is a distraction.

i hope this change will lead to some better things for me in the future 

[tyme]

I am hopeful things will improve. The previous narrative was, in my opinion, quite off putting and I didn't feel continuing that way would be too helpful as it may strengthen those narratives.

@TheRenegade345 

I'll be happy to ride this out with you 🙂

I am hopeful.

[tyme]

Hey @TheRenegade345 ,

I'm just popping by to say that I'm thinking of you and have a great week ahead. I'll catch you later this week when I'm on next.

[TheRenegade345]

@tyme 

I am sorry I didn't respond the other day. I am trying to hold on and not rant here. I am just struggling with the same loneliness issues and fear about the future.