Moving forward

[Former-Member]

I guess I need practice to think past the emotions. It's taken over a year for me to learn and name my emotions, I actually had to look up emotion words a lot at the beginning. This appears the next step I guess - working out what is setting the emotions in play. It is along the lines of some of the stuff I've been introduced to over the last few weeks in therapy as well. That a thought always precedes the emotion. Am I right in thinking that I need to catch the thought so I can apply a filter and therefore change my response? 

I laughed at the filtering of people 😂

Please don't respond tonight if you are tired or over it. 

[Decadian]

Hi @Faith-and-Hope

I really like the way you put all of that  - it's easy to understand

My take-away -

#If someone hands you something in a rude manner - thank them politely - neat

#And don't ask hissy people for anything

My mother - what I would have filtered had I thought of it when I was still living at home and she was giving me weeks-long serves of silent treatment along with my dinner

I will always laugh at the memory of her banging the plate on the table in front of me so hard the peas all jumped off my plate onto the table-cloth - I can't tell you the end of the story - I have filtered it out -

Thanks again @Faith-and-Hope

Wonderful conversation this one

Dec

[Faith-and-Hope]

@Former-Member

I think you're right there .... you actually begin to filter the people ..... 😆

You have that "feely-thing" going on that is inherent in an empath I think, and part of that is reading nuances and body language.   That can lead to identifying what someone's values are likely to be, and from there, deciding how much you can trust them to be careful with your feelings ... or at least genuine.

[Former-Member]

After reading your last post @Faith-and-Hope i think that you probably raised something different to what I was thinking but equally important...that trust is important. I have no current filter for trust although Brene brown has one I was going to use in the really real when I get there. Thanks for your responses. I'll let you go. I'm sure there is more to be said.

@Decadian Thanks for adding your thoughts too and following along with this. I am assuming you developed coping strategies along the way which helped you deal with the attack from with in as well from your mother. Your strategies must have been helpful to progress you through your life. 

I guess we very sensitive beings have many hurdles to jump just to survive each day. 💜😊 

[Faith-and-Hope]

Easy does it @Former-Member ....

You will get there ....

A lot of the stuff I have learned has been across years - sharing that with others can save it taking years for them too .... but it still does take time ....

Like jig-saw puzzles ....

Glad you've got that therapist @Former-Member ... and if this is helping things along I'm really pleased for you and honoured to be a part of your journey.

Sleep well 💤 

Baby steps 👣

[Former-Member]

realised about 5 min ago @Faith-and-Hope that baby steps had gone out the window and I'm trying triple jump. 😝 Catch ya💜😊

[Former-Member]

I think too @Faith-and-Hope when I have a good day I try to capitalise on it by doing everything. There is only one speed.... which is solve the worlds problems in 24 hrs. Then comes the crash and I can't solve getting out of bed. I have no self control to find  the middle ground 😁😡

[Former-Member]

"DON'T ASK HISSY PEOPLE TO PASS ANYTHING" I like that! This is a great discussion thread on "filters"

My husband believed in 'thought transference, I use to get into trouble for 'reading his s mind' and not giving him privacy. As if! He said i was a strong thought transmitter, & receiver. It confused me. But he talked about learning to 'block' unwanted intrusions. I never really got it. In psychiatric terms, mind reading is considered a delusion. But emotionally, I think it is very real.

In emotional terms, i pick up what people are feeling, a lot, sometimes I feel it physically first, it becomes a part of me, to the point where I struggle working out what's not mine. For decades I just owned what i was feeling as mine, my fault, my doing - who i am. It never occurred to me 'till recently I hat feelings along eith thoughts can be filtered & most allowed to o just pass by without owning them. Its a skill to have a conscious awareness in this regard, owning what's yours & filtering what's not. Does that make any sense? Another work in progress for me, when I get time with people to practise that is, not much of that these days.

My mother has always had mixed messages with her interactions. As a child I learned to tune it all out. As a consequence i find it hard to o be aware and so not very skilled identifying what's what, how to respond or how much to put up with. Its a blur. Difficupt yo aryiculate. What was your family of origin like Teej?

I think maybe interaction skills we didn't learn as children fail to come easy to us, so its a constant exercise in internal awareness & clear perceptions all round. Its draining. You're not alone in finding this difficult.

The Bk "Boundaries" by Townsend have great tips on relationship boundaries, from a christian perspective. Its hard with children we need to love but also raise (discipline), single parenting makes this very difficult.

Better stop there 🙂

[Former-Member]

@Former-Member, actually something you said last night on night shift? about being in the head of a 12 year old...well your pretty sharp, intuitive for any 12 year old I've met! 👍

[Decadian]

Hi @Former-Member

I am sure that along the way I have invented many coping strategies - they must work - whatever they are

But I still jump out of my emotional or intellectional window and straight into the triple jump - I only have two speeds - fast forward and stop - but somewhere in there I live life at a more sensible rate - I just don't think about it at those times

Ah @Former-Member

I don't know about mind-reading - surely people give a lot away with the words they use and their body-language - I can't read minds - but the words - ah yes - the words

eg - the use of the word "odd" - mostly thought of as strange - when my psychologist wrote a report for my doctor - she received the odd email from me - I asked her to change that to occasional -

Youe husband must have been obvious with his body language if you were quick enough reading that - so he thought you were reading his mind and invading his privacy - really - so good you were a "thought transmitter and receiver" - that is pretty clever - not only could you read his mind - he thought he could read yours - that is wonderful - how powerful he perceived you to be -

And you could do all of this just looking at him - oh my - that is so quaint - I might have to write a short story on that idea

Aw - I just got up - I have been feeling fragile lately - it's time to let my case-worker know this - because she is my case-worker - I don't know if anyone can do anything - I will get past this in time -

Maybe this is one of my coping strategies - sitting tight while time passes until the time comes when I get over myself

Decadian