Thanks so much @greenpea Your insights are very profound. What is scaring me at the moment is that everyone seems to be screaming at me and there is a limit to this that anyone can handle! How he was with me last week in terms of his anger reminded me of how he was with the Police 2 years ago and that brought it all back. Even when he met me on Monday night he brought up the Police experience saying that hasn’t been resolved ie he’s still angry with me and wants to punish me for restraining him from the command hallucinations ordering him to self harm. Honestly I don’t know whether it’s the mania or breakthrough psychotic symptoms at the moment or what. I am just avoiding him at the moment walking on egg shells trying not to trigger another uncontrolled fit of anger. My wife doesn’t believe how bad it currently is as she’s not on the ground to gain insights about our son’s illness and her misinformed interventions make the situation worse because she’s supporting his mania and like him will do anything including lieing to keep him away from another public hospital Adult mental health ward. I am the fall-guy and person blamed for the last hospital admission. They both are scared that I’m undermining all of their efforts to keep him out of hospital which I am. I spoke to a family friend last night who is a senior psychologist in the private health area which we saw in the past who initially diagnosed his schizophrenia and my son hates. She’s really worried about what I described and is scared his state is becoming chronic and said he’s smart and if he is reverting to previous experiences with the Police like I describe above that he’s probably having breakthrough symptoms whether that be mania which is becoming addictive to him or hearing voices or hullucinations and is lieing about it and can manipulate the Acute care outpatients team to stay out of hospital at all costs. She really experienced and has seen everything and what she described seems to be pretty accurate observing from afar.
I am feeling absolutely helpless, alone and completely isolated by this terribly illness. I sometimes feel like crying because I just try to care for my son and I am being treated absolutely terribly by everyone except for you and a few mates and that family friend psychiatrist I mentioned. I was going to raise my concerns again with my son’s case worker he’s seeing today but I feel like that a waste of time as I’m fighting his mania and tormentor (that the name we give the commander of his hallucinations)! He will fight with every breath to do whatever he can to manipulate the team to stay out of hospital at all costs and not treat his illness. I am seeing my own psychologist today to help me cope with all this bs and I might get up soon to walk down the street to get a poached egg to give me enough energy to get thru the day to see my psychologist late this arvo.
I truly mean it about what an awesome mum and person you are! Your lived experience and how you have fought through adversity is really expiring and I give you a big hug 🤗 for all your efforts and for your ongoing support.
Have an awesome day and so happy your daughter is getting helped! Mine is in a great place at the moment and finally her leg is healing and she’s moving forward with the new boyfriend she loves after dealing with the terrible impact on other family members of this terribly illness.
