Living with Ourselves

[tonys]

@maddison  .    In my next life im coming back as one of your cats,... i hope.....   Its so very good to hear you sounding a little better..    Sounds like the silk you hired is well intentioned,   and in your corner.  Sparks of light,  the promise of hope,  in your letter.  Smiles are contagious  aren't they....     May your sleep bring you peace,  embraced in magical dreams.   Tonys moonbase one

[maddison]

Photo incoming @tonys ⬇️

  

 

warm sun pours over me.

Soleil all over you 

🌲🙂

[tonys]

@maddison   Hello My lovely friend.    My goodness,   That puts the harbour bridge fireworks to shame.    Your  gorgeous cat looks very much like my black and white one,  very contented.  I hope you are well and getting out  and about to show that lovely hair off.  

Had a busy week and some good news.     From time to time i have had had to give statements in support of other peoples claims,  in relation to some of the things that i mentioned in the last couple of letters,..   I've never pursued a claim my self because of the turmoil it creates in my head..   Well the solicitors,  now being made aware of my recent L 2 autism diagnosis,  have decided to spare me the ordeal.    I can't tell you the wave of relief ,  although i do feel for the other victims my statements may have helped..  The dark cloud has definitely lifted. .... ...  Thankyou for your part in that.   

 Anyway,   I have been getting all my medical stuff sorted that i put of for years.    The heart of the city has so much to offer,  Flavour , colour,  culture,....   I don't blame doctors for not wanting to move to the country..

Still have to read the rest of my mail,  accumulate my thoughts and make a plan for heading back to the farm,    Life really is an ocean,   peaks and troughs....  each has something to offer...    and i guess we should be grateful for all that lies between.  

Heart felt hugs and and a sprinkle of stardust to you my friend.  tonys moonbase one

[tonys]

@maddison forgot to say,    was it my imagination or was that a  'badly drawn boy'  lyric you snuck in there.     Nice...      love your work mate.    Thinking of you ..tonys mb1

[maddison]

Hi @tonys hope things are well for you. Thanks for the hair compliments! I really like the pinkish colour it looks in the sunlight. It will all wash out sooner or later & then I will be back to regular unknown colour. It's fun to have a change.

I'm so happy to read your good news. I could feel the happiness & relief as I read each word. It made me happy too. It's a little difficult for me to comment on - because it's not my business, & I am completely ignorant to the life you have lived. However, when you mentioned that you felt sympathy or empathy for future victims, I think I could totally understand where you are coming from. In my opinion, that is a very normal reaction - I would imagine that I would feel the same. I think it really shows what an amazing big heart you have❤️ I hope I have said all of that correctly - if I were you, I might tape that box up now, ......place it on a wooden raft ..& let it drift out to the ocean.....& Let it go❤️

Thankyou for choosing to share your good news with me.. Another gift! You give me so many. 

That is funny that you have a similar looking cat to me! She is my middle cat. It's hard to describe her personality. I think she might consider herself to be more human than my other cats (who seem to realise they are cats) None of my cats really like cuddles too much. Pat's & scratches. It sux for me. I have to force cuddle them! Previously, I had a cat, Pandora - she was a rescue. She was the most cuddliest creature I could ask for. I would carry her around like a baby. It broke my heart when she passed away 3 years ago. Animals are very special creatures. They cannot be replaced.

Sorry, I didn't intend for this letter to be sad... My cats are my children & they mean lots me.

Yes tonys, peaks & troughs & inbetweens. 

Maybe they are not all as distinct as it might appear. 

What do I know? I'm a middle aged lady. Typing a letter on her phone to a person she doesn't know, while eating a microwave meal & crying about her cats.

Then again, maybe that's where genius is born?

Sending a world of hugs your way.. Thinking of you xx

[FloatingFeather]

Hi @maddison,

The photo of your cat is an identical twin of a cat I had about 25 years ago. I can't believe the likeness! My cat's name was Ruffles (because of the white under his neck). He was very aloof, had a high opinion of himself and didn't really like me but I adored him!

Hugs, 

FloatingFeather 

[tonys]

@maddison Hi maddison...... Just finished a kite with a little poem for you,   hope it lands..... was about to bail,  then found this one.    How is your day mate... Cats...   my dogs love me,.... my cats tolerate me.    But       i do have great news from my book keeper..      one more calf.    Might be the last for the season...     You're my most loyal friend so Im calling it Maddy.   Yep , now theres a maddison and a wobbly maddy  to share the paddock..   Apparently the back packers have cleaned up my house...   If you knew how i lived ,  you would know what a major achievement that is.   and at great risk to their health and safety.   mmmm,  did i remember to put my shotty away..    opps.

Microwave dinners..  ?    .. I ain't  saying a word.... .  .   .   I just scoffed down a hot dog ,  one of life's great mysteries,.....   and risks!!!      And that just the tomato sauce,     I haven't event started one the sausage yet..    But,     its the cornerstone of every buskers nutritious breakfast..

I hope you get out for a long walk today and let some more of that 'warm sunshine pour over you'...  and that lovely hair.  If you walked passed me i know i would turn around and drink in the view...    Stay safe and be nice to yourself.  Sleep well knowing there is not a moment when some one is not thinking of you....   tonys   moonbase one

[maddison]

This might be your best yet @tonys I can't believe you have a wobbly calf - & naming is Maddy? You are an incredible friend to me too. Your letters me me so happy. Well, you sound particularly happy in this one - & I feel happy reading your joy!

I briefly read your letter in the other thread. I read it twice (or 3) I will study it more. I think we might have been synching? We were writing at similar times & about paths/highs/lows not necessarily being what they appear?

Don't worry, I kind of already knew your house was a mess!

Lovely of the backpackers.

I would take your advice & go for a walk... I've been stuck inside too long. Tho it has not stopped raining here today.

You are so funny xx

[maddison]

Hi @FloatingFeather that is really cool to know about your old cat 😻 I know the odd  feeling you are talking about when we see a pet that looks like ours! ...I don't know.. . Maybe ruffles is saying hello? That's a very cute name. My cat is female, same personality as you described! I'm pretty sure she loves me - I have another cat that is much worse! It's a one way St 😊

[Sophia1]

Hello @Appleblossom 

Your post:

Appleblossom

Community Elder

01 Dec 2022 06:58 PM

Re: Living with Ourselves

Very relieved to hear back from you @Sophia1 

Honestly I am not good at talking about feelings, that does not mean I do not have them. 

Hope you get better support and work through the situations that were troubling.  I have had some whoppers from supposed carers.  You do deserve respect and care.  Sometimes anger and rage are a part of grief and life.  I have tried hard to channel any anger productively but then I get another broadside from some person who does not seem to have those ethics, and it seems I am back in a dog eat dog world.

 Meeting you was so good for me not to sink into despair about the cynicism in the world.

and @tonys well he is a rough but all the more beautiful gem.  I just love that your whacky mind and humour with imagination, wit and little resent.  Keep being YOU both of you, different though you are.

I know only too well that you have very deep feelings @Appleblossom they are within the words that you write whether you see them or not.

I pick up on some of your feelings that are more easily recognised of course all of us have deeper feelings that even when spoken about cannot be felt at such a level.

The Carer whom I mentioned was not a paid Carer for myself or anyone but a Carer of someone; as I and you are. A wife caring for her husband.

Her husband was the person I met first and befriended. I then of course introduced myself to her and spent time getting to know them both on carer outings.

I have known them both for about three years hence the impact of her treatment towards me considering I was going into respite and already vulnerable having lost mum (along with absence of twin now).

I am dealing with all of that.

She has narcissistic traits different again to twin. This was made clear to me at respite house and also in conversation with my therapist.

I still don't pick them. I recognise controlling and justify their actions with their own situations.

Sigh

Anger is a very new emotion for me to come to terms with as emotions of any kind were not really discussed growing up.

I am struggling with the force of the emotion now though laugh.

Throw in my huge surge for ongoing assertion.

I do not know myself.

I still have not lost my empathy though.

Sadly, another close friend (whom has had Alzheimers for some time) has now been detained. 

A tribunal hearing for the next legal stay period has been approved.

She is in a bad way.

I am supporting her husband whilst respecting his space.

Older son is in full blown psychosis again on a consistency for several weeks now.

A nightmare trying to calm down his father (1st husband and continually trying to explain that is mostly illness taking over for the zillionth time)

I have no idea where this is heading.

I am recognising now though after decades that some things are out of my control.

If all parties are not in agreement; I cannot fight for what son does not want.

@tonys  has no upsetting impact on my presence or writing.

He is a treasure yes.

Will be in touch to catch up on your news @Appleblossom .

Attempting to respond to accumulated messages.

Sophia1