Living with Ourselves

[Sophia1]

Hello @tonys 

Still in catch up mode here.

I am unsure whether or not you are up and about yet as your health sounds serious.

I don't want to ask a thousand questions.

It is probably hard for you to write and spend too much time on the computer.

I realise that you write to others which is great as this is what you were hoping to find on here when you joined.

This takes up your energy.

You have made friends and many people enjoy your style and humour.

So write when and if you can to whoever.

I will be happy to hear from you when you are able.

Do  what Tonys wants and look after Tonys first.

native american flute music ...

shamanic music

11 hours native american flute music, medication music, healing music, shamanic music ....

I like that one the best so far

there are many

some with rain, thunder, wolves..that is good during the day but for sleep the first one works the best for me.

oh sorry I just searched native american flute music.

take care friend

Sophia1

gentle hugs are great to share amongst friends...

[Sophia1]

Hello @Jacques 

So sorry that it has taken so long to get back to you my friend..

Much has been going on in real life...taking up so much of my time trying to find answers...resources...working around public hospital systems and all of the challenges that brings..

have spoken to several carer small agencies...departments and have made some headway there which has helped somewhat..

One in particular is supporting me..

not in my state ...interstate..

A shame about your bike...I hope that you have covered it and stored it in a safe place...I am more than sure that you have..

Solar panels....I read your response again and saw that it was preparation work not actually installation..

Hard, heavy work though nevertheless....

How are you feeling now ...?

Did he extra physical work outside help at all?

Write when you can...I do understand if you are not feeling up to it..

We all have to take time out and look after ourselves..

Do love hearing from you though..

Until next time take care

Sophia1

big hug

[Sophia1]

Hello @Zoe7 

Thank you for writing to me..

I am pleased for you that you were able to have time away and just rest from everything..

I am very worn out myself..again

More stuff is going on externally and yet again much is out of my control..

My physical rehabilitation has been put on hold yet again...!!

I need to focus just on breathing.,.

I am not good at accepting help as you know but have magically found or been reunited with a lady interstate who helped me two years ago.

I think that my guardian angel has brought her back to me.

She has put me in line and is keeping close contact..

I have responded to a few people already on the forums tonight as way behind in getting back to them..

I also know that you have strong supports and friends on the forum looking out for you.

So know that you are being looked after.

I would like to write to you when I have a clearer head though..

In the meantime look after yourself and enjoy your precious fur family

Take care

Sophia1

[tonys]

@Sophia1   You are either good again,..... or good at pretending to be.  I will take what's in box  1

Thankyou for thinking of me.....      

I  feel sure in your next life you will ride your palomino under an endless sky,  truly free,...  the bride  of Jeronimo ..   

Nice  to close your eyes and let music  morph  you  into  the shapes your dreams desire....

Music  takes me away every  night,    The seventh  sense.  Flows  like  peaceful ripples.

Could be mankind's  last  hope

Till next we meet.       Wind chimes  and windmills....    tonys   moon base one. 

[Zoe7]

So lovely to hear you have re-connected with your friend and she is supporting you @Sophia1 

Not so great to hear your rehab has been put on hold again.

Sending you a little extra love and a gentle hug 💖

[Sophia1]

Hello @tonys 

Gosh you made me smile with your opening comment

"You are either good again,..... or good at pretending to be. I will take what's in box 1"

{I would love to be able to colour in the words or copy them in italics....

sadly those options appear to have disappeared above my response box on my page..

perhaps I am in the naughty corner and have had these special treats removed..

all I know is that my computer skills will not allow me to work it out and neither do I have the desire to do so..}

Back to what you said.... I am going to respond with:

number 1.5.....yes somewhere in between...ups and downs ...mostly outcome of having to deal with bureaucratic hogwash...

enough said about that...

The submarine scenario serves me well, as a hideaway for me.... as well as a shield for my writing something that comes out upside down...inside out and might cause upset..

So underwater I dive...

I hope that this palomino that you have found for me has wings....

I want to fly very high and far..in and above the sky to places not yet known of..

I might have friends of all kinds that I meet along my travels accompany me on parts of my journey, that they, choose to..

Music does truly sing to the soul...

the lullaby that lulls the baby into the calm state of sleep.....

temporarily until hungry laugh..

wind chimes and windmills moving and sending out energy with the help of nature..

Where would you like to go Tonys?

Do you have a sense of who else you might like to be or where you might like to go?

Imagination is a wonderful gift and even in writing to you; I can feel calmness encircling my worries ...

You give me an opportunity to be another way and feel comfortable in writing to you about such..

This is a gift that you have..

You are able to write more than just words on a computer screen...

You are able to invoke meaning beyond the words...

there at the ready..

to be sensed by whoever, however, whenever in whatever way..

A beautiful gift..

I feel proud to be one of your friends on here whom you write back to..

I believe that others feel something too and express this in their way..

I hope that you know how valuable your friendship is..

I also do not want to weigh you down with my troubles...

I do not want to trample on this gift that you offer..

So please do not be offended if I do not write about my worries to you, or open up as is the more common phrase..

This is my way of wanting to relate to you in your way..

This actually helps me escape from my concerns momentarily...

not easy to do..

If this means that I am taking and not giving, you must let me know..

I will not be offended ....I will learn something from you which will help me...

You will be helping me and giving me more that way if you so choose..

I do hope that all makes sense..

I bought myself a hanging butterfly, crystal, twirling coil, feather teardrop ornament for underneath my pergola outside. I bought it when I went away briefly on my own late last year as a Christmas present for myself. Wrapped up for husband to give me..

Not his forte...

The walls and ceilings are so high I need help from husband to hang it..

It might still be there next Christmas...

he has much to do and also thankfully spends much time with his sport, time out for him. looking after himself..

off to my garden...my special place.

Until the wind blows back some words..my next letter from my friend...

Sophia1

gentle hugs with your tender lungs...

[Sophia1]

Hello @Zoe7 

Re-connection is actually with a Carer co-ordinator or some such title in another state.

Not a friend as such...

A very empathic and caring supporter though.

She has sussed me out and pulls me back in line when I am very hard on myself.

She also has an adult son same scenario except hers is receiving treatment and taking medication on and off..

A good support for me..

I do get in trouble for not keeping in touch enough though laugh..

A little extra love is always welcomed and I am will send some back with thanks.

Yes gentle hugs are so powerful aren't they.

I like to leave gentle hugs with friends I talk to on here and even in the real world.

Sophia1

I cannot use my images above for some reason..

all too hard so just leave it be

[Sophia1]

Another letter @tonys 

following on from your response to fragile thread..

You wrote:

Is this the place for me...? We know its definitely not. and I can easily do more harm than good, I have lost the joy of unpacking my stories and poems for fear of people taking them too seriously. and I think you have seen my attempts to find a place that is for people with [ intellectual disability] ,.... rather than 'mental health issues'. But the little thats out there is hard to navigate...

There are many of us experiencing the same troubles and thoughts that you have described living with our own issues in our brains..

Mental health symptoms stem from messages or lack of messages or confusion of messages from the brains in many instances..

Many people have brain injuries...

Many have mild, serious and major brain trauma...

There are a whole range of issues..

This is by no means minimising your trauma or experiences which are huge..

What you have and how you want to express yourself is very valid here..

Many want to be able to write and cannot..

Many are too fearful to out of fear of upsetting others or guilt, or shame or embarrassment or a whole mirage of stuff that our mind teases and taunts us with..

Yes you are different..

Thank goodness for that..

You are a breath of fresh air....

As are others..

we are all different if we allow ourselves to be who we really are...find our real selves..

Keep on searching and find new souls on here..

Look for the quiet ones they sometimes have far more to offer..

Perhaps the question is more that you have not found what you were hoping to find.

I would like you to rephrase your words and instead of using your symptoms, diagnosis, life struggles...

use your questions...your wishes...your desires...

Start your own thread..

Take yourself on a new journey away from the enclosed minority and venture out into the wider realms of new beginnings...

new friendships..

I must hastily add here please do not say goodbye to your existing friends though unless by choice of course.

More so expand your horizons..

Surprise yourself..

Then make your decision..

It is not you it is more what you have not yet found...perhaps..

There I hope that I have not said too much and yes I hope that I have not upset anyone..

Sophia1

your friend always

ps there is no tolerance for abuse and I can tell you from my own life experiences...too many..

it is very hard to recognise if you are a person with a great deal of empathy.

Also...yes...and no argument here....if you are intelligent...

people look for us as they want our intelligence to boost their egos....carry us around like handbags...

they also desperately need our empathy and care...they do not have this...they  might profess that they do...they do not...they do not know how to feel deeply..

they can poetically express this to us drawing us back...we start to believe again and question ourselves..

they are very clever at disguising this as a means of reeling us in...

continually drawing us back as soon as we start to wander away slightly...

they even put us on pedestals..

I have had a huge amount of therapy around this and it is mind blowing..

Some are narcissists...serious stuff...dangerous...

Some have narcissistic traits....still nasty...

when struggling themselves the ugly side can lash out without warning..

they then have to reel us back..

of course they do this well...

we feel for them..we believe their guises....we fall back into the circle of doom..

this is abuse in itself..

so no it is not always possible to recognise emotional abuse that can also lead to physical abuse..not in all instances ..a greater risk with some people..

their treatment of us which comes unexpectedly leaves us feeling confused, frightened, ashamed and guilty... our fault...something wrong with us..

this perpetuates..

we can only learn and remember to always put ourselves first..

step away..do not respond..

do not feed the monster I have been told..

do not feel guilty..

look after ourselves..

lastly I believe that you have intuition...listen to it..

I am practising..

I hope that this is not upsetting to read..

Your message and confusion and self doubt touched my heart and took me to places where I have been before..

I wanted to offer you what a psychologist offered me and saved my life..

You might not agree and that is also your right..

Keep on being you....trusting your intuition and look after you first

Sophia1

[Zoe7]

I am so pleased for you that you have that support @Sophia1 💖

👋 @tonys 😁

[tonys]

Hey there buddy   @Zoe7   long time ... no hear. . . . .  So...    how is my favourite teacher.   School will be back soon and you wont know up from down.   Just count the legs and divide by 2..    Wet the lips and stick em to the window, . . .   no...  I did not just say that . . . did I..

Cute bright little faces,  and you have the chance ,  through them,    to shape the worlds of tomorrow..      Lucky  girl.           till next we meet

Take good care zoe 7           tonys   moon base one