Living with Ourselves

[Sophia1]

Thank you @tonys 

I am way behind in my replies.

I know that you understand this dilemma.

Throw in trying to keep that blasted submarine above water long enough to write to anyone...

I think that you get my drift..

Yes I am currently drifting and the tide is still stronger than me..

A bottle of something good...

Now that would only ever be a fine wine for me..

Alcohol goes straight to my head very quickly..

So when and if I imbibe these days it is always with food anyway ...for a special occasion or half a glass at the odd meal.. My husband enjoys a glass of wine with his meal..

You wrote:

you had a few "issues' Don't we all. I know you are a rescuer besides, I know you say you cant change, and I'm supposed to say, adapt and I'm sitting with you and all that,

But you suffer fools badly, Only reason I get away with what I do is you know I'm still a kid

and I mean well. . .

Please don't take on board my own painful stories mate, because honestly, I'm realy good with it all. long time ago and my brain has special wiring that lets me walk on coals.

Only way for me to remember what you  said currently..is to copy and paste a la above style..

Yes I am a rescuer.

Yes I do not suffer fools gladly; after attempting to offer support and a listening ear for some time.

I give people many chances in real life. Too many at my own expense sometimes.

Then the door gets closed.

Survival lesson learnt after being taken advantage of too many times and disrespect....well will leave this conversation alone now....you get my drift...yes always drifting..

As far as being a kid.

You will probably laugh when I tell you this ..

I have never grown up and never will. It is the child in me whom I love and bravely stand up for. There is my strength. There is my voice. There is the protector. There is the loyalty. There is me.

Most have no concept of this and that is fine as my child is safer then.

Rather than turning a blind eye with you, I allow you to be your child. Yourself. That is where your strength is. Despite everything in your life and your brain injuries there is a wonderful pure, beautiful, strong boy who survives. There is your beauty, your story telling, your creation.

Your very essence.

There is our friendship...two children innocently playing...friendship holding them without them even being aware...

My child relates to your child. The innocence, purity, determination, creativity, persistence, protector and survivor.

Thank you for letting me know that you are at peace with your past in as much as your mind tells you. This is reassuring for me.

Have you not noticed that I do not hang onto you I want you to roam freely and enjoy new friendships, beginnings?

Read Desiderata.

The last part is the part that is hard to put into words and for the majority to understand.

The pain I feel is a deep part of who I am as a person. It is not part of any illness or need.

It is something that has been with me for life as it comes with the insurmountable amount of love that I have as I truly feel for others who are sincere.

It has been explained to me by some specialists in particular people of a different culture.

I am not going to try to express that here as one has to be this way to understand it's meaning.

No I am not mother Theresa.

I am me.

Laugh I do not expect you to tell me to adapt or that you will sit with me.

That is not my language. This you already know.

This is very supportive for others though and helps them tremendously.

I am not dismissing the value in any way.

Just not me.

I don't really sit still anyway I just drift.

So back to the submarine.

I need to reply to several others.

I also need to respond to one of the most beautiful pieces of prose anyone has ever written to me when I can allow the time deserving of such writing...

So I leave you with this picture....if it works ...non techno skills sigh....

Sophia1

It was speculated to be a Chinese spy vessel or the Beatles’ famous yellow submarine.

However Queensland authorities have reached a conclusion following their investigation into the unusual piece of debris that washed up on a beach at Double Island Point, north of the Sunshine Coast.

The yellow object, spotted by a passer-by on Thursday morning, was the subject of much speculation after being posted on

 “Chinese spy submarine? Or someone has lost their sonar drone,” said one person, in a comment echoed by others.

Others suggested it was linked to an unidentified spherical object found this week on a beach in Japan.

An unusual bit of debris has washed up on a beach at Double Island Point in Queensland. Credit: Geoff Feeley

Another popular theory claimed it was the elusive subject of the Beatles’ 1966 hit Yellow Submarine.

However, all those theories have been blown out of the water by Maritime Safety Queensland, which has deemed the object to be a buoy.

 “Maritime Safety Queensland (MSQ) is aware of a buoy that has washed up on the beach at Double Island Point yesterday,”  quoted by general manager Ken Dillon “MSQ is making enquiries to identify the owner of the buoy.

“It is also monitoring the risk of the buoy refloating while these enquiries are made and may take action to secure it if necessary.”

An interesting concept isn't it Tonys,

Speculation......consumes hours and hours of at times boring conversation..

then occasionally one comes across a few who have an imagination..

They have no idea that it is operated by a virtual Sophia who has zero sense of direction.

Yes has been missing..

Literally in mind..

Beached up ?

Now the quandary is how do we get it back without anyone noticing?

Or better still, it has already moved on and the experts busy speculating have not even noticed.

Where is it now?

On some star somewhere...

Sorry I did say that I have no sense of direction and my mind is confused...

I will leave that for another day.

Thank you Tonys ,

my family will do our best this weekend.

I will lose myself in the moment and find some joy

Enjoy those rotisseries over the roaring fire and the sound of the bottle cork popping.

Ciao

Sophia1

[Sophia1]

@Jacques 

I will be back as someone famously sent...

As you know it takes me so very long to reply to each person as I like to put thought into it.

Your reply deserves that consideration always..

Will speak as soon as I can.

In meantime, enjoy the wonderful moments that you do share with your mum, partner and other child perhaps? The one who has chosen the wrong path at this time will be another conversation respecting your feelings.

Sophia1

[Sophia1]

hello @tonys 

I have copied your piece of beautiful prose over here so that I can read it slowly as prose and poetry should be read to feel the energy in between the words.

@Sophia1    Hey   there  Sophia,   There is a vey rare bird in my garden.   Rarely do I get a glimpse

Put out some bread with honey on it but Its like a bright blue flash in the corner of my eye.

Strangest thing.   On sunny days you can hear it in full song.   sweeter than lip gloss candy.

Dark fingers of cloud invade the skies,  and its haunting cries find every corner of my

busy mind,  .  .  . and  still  it. . . .  

Rumour has It that it  is  called  the.  .  .  Sophia  Bird. . .     I'll  keep  mixing my  bread,   words

and poetry,   as best I can ,   eyes  to the skies,  waiting for the song to herald  in one more sunny day. . .    My dearest friend.     Do  take  good care please. . . 

tonys    moonbase 1   

Now this might have taken you only ten minutes or so to compose as you took time out of your busy life.

No matter..or perhaps longer....no matter

It is how the meaning reaches me that matters.

Deeply Tonys.

That tells me that you are getting to know me as a person and that you do trust me.

You are honouring my difference by referring to me as a rare bird and that I am.

I have been told that my whole life that I am different.

You are wording it with another meaning....rare is kinder than different...

I would love to write something poetic in return my head seems to feel filled with cotton wool as soon as I try.

One day.

I have been invited to the introduction thread by your new friend Meggle whom I have known in the past.

I will come in hesitation and visit carefully.

I might catch a glimpse of you, Le Chuck and Meggle over at the saloon then.

Sophia1

[Sophia1]

Hello again @Jacques ,

How are you girlfriend and mother coping with the aggression and drug induced behaviour from the teenage daughter?

I hope that there is support on hand.

Helplines to ring?

Some options for rehabilitation.

Only talk about it if you feel up to it and safe to do so of course.,.

Sophia1

[Sophia1]

A smoke signal told me that you were looking for me

sending a smoke signal back

Sophia1

ps Toon town has been overtaken

noone home

@tonys 

[Jacques]

Hi @Sophia1 hugs my friend, you are always so kind and caring. my partner is really struggling with her daughters behaviour as she has been very physically violent to her mum. im doing all i can so support my partner and her daughter. it is a difficult situation. they do have Family services involved  but they are about as useful as the proverbial on a bull. so not a great deal of help for her, the mental health system and drug support system is almost non existant in australia. sad really. 

anyway i hope you have had a nice easter break. 

[Sophia1]

OH @Jacques 

I am so sorry to hear that.

It does not surprise me though so sad.

Most of the country needs a complete overhaul.

Is the daughter still living at home in regard to the violence?

As horrible as it sounds sometimes families end up needing to take out restraining orders until the matter settles or resolves itself.

No rehabilitation, recovery offered?

Or is daughter refusing?

Hard for you not being there as well.

Also how is the other daughter coping?

Several separate family incidents dreadful and Easter was awful.

I am dreading mothers day.

I did get out for a walk with exercise physiologist today for first time with her. She is lovely and has knowledge of post concussion as has studied areas.

Is like winning the lottery finding someone who understands what I have been going through and how impacted I have been.

I have mild brain injury.

Have my check up  again next week.

How is your bike?

Sorry how was your easter?

[Jacques]

im so sorry easter was so rough for you, hugs @Sophia1 . sounds very much like you had a terrible fall, wishing you a speedy recovery. the brain can be a very complicated thing. im worried with mum having so many falls she will hurt herself, she has not had one for a while touch wood. 

no after her daughter hit her she ran away and has not been home for over a week, she is refusing to come home. so sad. despite the violence my partner wants her daughter to come home. 

no not really any help offered, but i dont think her daughter would accept any help, she seems to be an angry young lady, teenage years are so rough. 

her other daughter is very worried about her sister, she is scared of her but is worried about her hurting herself. and if she is safe. 

yes it is difficult being so far away, i feel so guilty for not being there to support all 3 of them. i feel if i was there things would not go so far. maybe i would just be in the road. i don't know. 

im so glad you have a good therapist. you have done so well of late for support, therapist, gardener. 

[Sophia1]

I actually had an accident at home. I had spilt so much water everywhere on tiled floor and had not noticed. I was so worried about adult child at that time in hospital again involuntarily which breaks my heart..

@Jacques 

I slipped on water and crashed onto the tiled floor. Nearly 15 months ago had plate to fix fracture, fixed torn rotator cuff and time healed torn tendons. Mild brain injury from concussion and still suffering with recurring post concussion. Have another review next week.

I was burnt out.

I understand in as much am able the pain and multitude of feelings your girlfriend is experiencing. People do self medicate with drugs and when struggling with their feelings are easy targets for dealers.  She must be terrified of what she is feeling and probably hating herself. Drugs can also cause people to behave violently.

Is she missing or responding no by text or answering phone?

sister worried and afraid. Nobody expects this stuff yet is a part of today more and more. 

I want to check with you that you feel okay talking about this on the forums and with me.

You are intelligent I know. Still can be vulnerable when upset. Also if you want to talk I will be guided by what you choose. 
Others may jump in as has happened in the past. 
Then different suggestions can overwhelm and or confuse.

So I prefer to be guided by you.

My adult child is missing again.  I know how unbearable that is not getting responses weeks months on end 

Giving you a huge hug Jacques. I am here for you with this.

Sophia1

[Sophia1]

Sorry @Jacques 

Forgot to mention your concerns re mum

Does she use any walking aids?

Balance issues can be caused by so many things

 not eating regularly

drinking enough water

hearing

eyesight

does mum have a good doctor

also if she has had a few falls does she have

a medical alert button to wear?