It is what it is and nothing ventured would mean nothing gained

[MDT]

So it looks like nothing will eventuate with this girl i met with a few weeks ago

She is under a lot of duress being an international student. On top of that, she has her own mental health issues. 

I was of the view/opinion that it would be good to help each other, but i now see that the nature of what she deals with (BPD, PTSD and depression) may throw that into chaos. 

Perhaps even when good things could come, the newness of someone is hard to tolerate. 

I think it has ended now and maybe that's okay. It hurts a bit because I genuinely thought something could come from it. But I also said I felt on the evening we met where nothing really happened when I felt it could have. 

If this year has taught me anything about people - it is that we are so complex. 

I have had to come to terms with things from 10 years ago. 

Just gonna leave it where it sits at the moment and see. She may even go home. 

It does make me wonder about how if I am really "refreshing" or "genuine" and how these are attractive qualities. She said this to me. I guess I am just reading what they are now. I believe I still have these qualities and my endeavour to continue to enact them hasn't stopped. 

I went out last night and met some new people and was fine. 

It felt weird but kind of renewal. I am a little paranoid that when I let my gaurd down someone had my phone and I was worried, but I think I am paranoid.

I am reminded about something I wrote in my journal from my trip in 2018 - that no matter where you find yourself in this world, the one thing which CAN NOT be undervalued is human connection and being genuine. 

This doesn't stop for me. 

[StuF]

@MDT 

Good on you for getting out there and allowing some vulnerability 🙂

[MDT]

@StuF

Life hey?

[StuF]

@MDT 

Absolutely. But easier said than done on many occasions

[MDT]

True that @StuF
But what is the alternative?
We don't do anything.
Well I won't do that.
Better to take the chance and risk getting hurt.

[StuF]

Big thumbs up @MDT 

[LostAngel]

human connection and being genuine is so important @MDT 

[MDT]

Hmm indeed it is @LostAngel
Towards the self too I think. Something I must must do more of