Coping with Christmas

[mandy84]

How can I enjoy chrismas with a family who couldn't care less if I was around, I just lost my 2nd pregnancy, the father is not really in my life, I quit my dream job for the pregnancy I lost, my friends (all church friends) who know shun me. I feel I lost everything, how can I mix and be happy.

[BlueBells]

Hi @mandy84 🙂

So sorry to hear of your loss. Sadly, "churchy people" often don't practice what they preach 😞

Lots of hugs, I hope you find some people who are a bit more decent 🙂

[mandy84]

thanks bluebells, made me cry. Don't wanna bag church people, I have engaged in deliberate sin and need to suffer consequences, apparently Aline, maybe the think its catchy. I dont wantvthis and don't know why its so hard but keep trying to put it right. I pray forgiveness and strength to change, its hard. Thanks for sympathies. Really would love to be a mum.

[pip]

Hi @mandy84. Don't be too self judging. According to the church's teaching, everyone of us is 'sinning' every day. Apparently just by virtue of living, we are sinning. You are in pain and grieving for your losses. Perhaps, rather than trying to 'be' like other 'churchy' folk, who really don't understand or care, you should look more at the sort of person you seem to be. You have an extremely sensitive, caring, nurturing nature which doesn't always belong in church. Rather than trying to draw comfort from an unsupportive church (I'm not bagging them, just speaking from experience), maybe it might be an idea to see where you would like to be in your life. Becoming a mum would be Heaven, but till the time is right (which it isn't), try to focus on something that would help with that craving for children. Maybe now is not the right time for this next suggestion, but have you considered working with child-care? That suggestion is not meant in any way to hurt you or cause more grief, it's something to maybe think about for your future.

[Sahara]

Hi @mandy84,

I agree with @pip. I'm not exactly a church-goer myself, but they do teach that even looking at someone with lust is pretty much that same sin as committing fornication... so we are all undoubtedly sinners!

If you can somehow overcome the completely natural, biological urge to mentally lust after someone desirable, then you get to be sin-free, but for every other mere mortal, then unfortunately, its sinning day in and day out. 

So all those pious church-goers who judge others are themselves sinners and hypocrites.  

@mandy84, perhaps you could find a more progressive church to attend.... I've never personally looked into this, but there must be something out there for intelligent, non-judgmental people of faith. 

The main things is this... please do not see yourself as the problem! You are a lovely, healthy, good, beautiful person who has been treated very poorly by others. It's their loss.

Your friends who shun you care more about what others think and how they appear in the eyes of their phoney church than they do about being decent human beings. You have to pity them, I guess. 

I still kind of think you should confide in your sister. Have you always been close?

[BlueBells]

Hi @mandy84 🙂

Quick background, I have family members who are "churchy" and somewhere along the line they have lost sight of a few fundamentals, like, "Do unto others as you'd have them do unto you". and "Don't judge, so that you yourself are not judged".

I try hard to live like that, and no, I don't go to church much. the 'churchy' ones see me as a black sheep, but hey, black is nice 😉

I just thought of something!!!! White says "hey, look at me, I'm a big deal", but black is quiet and unassuming . I like that thought 😉

Yay for all us black sheepies 😄 😄 😄 😄

lots of hugs, Mandy. Take care. The quiet ones at church would be the nicer ones. I've found that generally, like in the proverbs, "an empty vessel makes the most noise" is pretty spot-on 😉

[BlueBells]

Hi @Sahara 🙂

How are you? Long time no see

Hugs 🙂 🙂 🙂

[potcrack]

Sit alone in a room ,  just alone . Thinking should I eat must remember to drink some water  at christmas time like the rest of the year.  Waking to a another Christmas of sadness and pointlessness a lone just a ghost .

Step out the front door like a ghost

Into the fog where no one notices

I walk in the air between the rain

Through myself and back again

Where?  I don't know

Can't you see my walls are crumbling?"

 Don’t want people to see me

Cause I don't they would understand.

[greenspace]

@potcrack that's beautifully written - really captures the feeling of being a ghost in your own life.

Yes, keep drinking plenty of water.

Best wishes for getting through Christmas okay

[Former-Member]

i hate that the xmas crap starts in like october, wtf?! even if you're someone it's gonna be a good time of year for, that much of it is bound to make it old, and for the rest of us it just ruins 1/4 of our year. there's still a whole month to go.