Abandoned

[Katz42]

Hello everybody.

I saw that there was a very appropriate and helpful post about people popping in and out of this SANE  forums community.

I have been absent for a while, and in many ways, I have felt guilty of abandonment.

Sometimes 'chatting' about our mental health problems is good for me, feelings of inclusion and the comfort of validation. There are also a lot of times that I feel too overwhelmed by my own 'stuff' and empathy for others who are suffering too, it is just too too much for me. So I stay away. That isn't because I don't care, it is actually because I do care. I care so much that it hurts.

I would not be surprised if many of you experience that kind of thing too.

Like a lot of us, I have a fear of abandonment, and so I feel guilty when I am the abandoning person. i.e. abandoning the SANE community

Again, that post, sorry not good at remembering names, eased my guilt a bit by stating and understanding that it's okay to pop in and out when we need it.

I have had other things going on too. I got covid again and was really sick this time. I'm showing negative now, but still physically suffering from the symptoms.

Does anybody listen to Dylan Lewis on Double J mornings?

He's around my age and likes a lot of the same music as I do. Listening to Dylan play "my" sort of music - new and old - can be uplifting. He also seems to be inclusive and non-judgmental but also genuine in his sense of fun and friendliness on air. Might be a horrible person in real life, but I don't need to worry about that, because I don't intend to meet him and hang out with him. When he speaks fondly of his audience and those who call and text in, it makes me a little teary. I'm not used to kind people. I'm not used to friendly people. I'm not used to people caring. 

Anyway, the other day I sent Dylan a text, a witty little comment about a song that he'd played. As soon as the song ended, he read my text and I felt heard, noticed and appreciated, even if it was only a bit of word play about music, and not my deep feelings. He laughed at my joke. Somebody laughed at my joke! It made me feel that maybe I'm not as hideous and unlikable as I constantly think.

I'm not saying that texting a radio presenter, or particularly Dylan, will make everyone feel a bit better about themselves, my point is more that even a stranger's positive words or reactions mean something. It's a positive, magical moment to hang on to and remind ourselves that we are all good people no matter how we feel about ourselves.

I wrote about that text moment in my journal and also how it made me feel, as a reminder when I need a confidence booster.

Does anybody else do that sort of thing, like gratitude journalling etc.?

I'm going to leave it there.

Wishing you all happiness and health 🌻

[Ainjoule]

Hey @Katz42 

No need to feel guilty if you need to take some time. That’s great that Dylan read and appreciated your text. I can’t say I listen to him but maybe I will give him a try. I do journal a little myself, it can be helpful hey. 

[rav3n]

welcome back @Katz42! i'm new to the community so i thought i'd say hey! 😊

it can be hard not to feel guilty, but giving yourself that space to refresh/focus on you and come back to the community when you feel ready sounds like a wise decision! plus, taking a break means you have more energy to share with us ❤️

that interaction with Dylan sounds so wholesome! being seen and appreciated by others is such a beautiful thing, so happy to hear you got to experience that!

i've done some journaling myself - i'm not as consistent as i'd like to be but so far, it's been a great grounding tool for me. i do this thing where whenever i find a quote that brings me hope, i write it down and re-read them when i'm feeling low. how's you're journaling experience been? are there other confidence-booster tools/activities that have worked for you? 

[Katz42]

Hi @Ainjoule , (like angel?)

Yes I do think that journalling helps me. I'm glad that it helps you too.

Sometimes I can get any anger out of my head by going at it hammer and tongs on the page of my journal. (Such language!) A lot of the time it feels better out. Occasionally, though, if it's something unresolvable it stirs up all those emotions again.

But glass half full, mostly journalling makes me feel better afterwards.

Have a lovely day all! 🌞

[Katz42]

Hey @rav3n and @Ainjoule ,

Thankyou for the welcome back and welcome to you @rav3n .

That was a very good experience for me with Dylan, I still get a buzz when I think of it. I'm not used to people thinking that I'm clever, funny or witty. So something to add to my 'achievements' app. 

I have a free app on my phone that I can list anything, no matter how minor, to a daily list of anything that I consider an achievement.

It helps my self esteem to read these things back to myself and also,... but wait there's more... I can be kind to myself and recognise that if I'm having a bad day, even having a shower can be a big thing. It validates my reasons for feeling bad and the symptoms of that, without focussing on the negative side but rather that I AM moving forward, whether it feels like it or not.

Am I rambling again? I worry that I over-explain things. I feel that I have to over-explain, because so often throughout my whole life, I have been misunderstood and misinterpreted.

Have to motor, there's somebody with yard equipment over the road and at the moment my stress/ anxiety levels can't multitask or concentrate when there are too many intense stimuli.

Lovely day to you 

[rav3n]

I feel you @Katz42 , when we don't get a lot of external validation we tend to think we're not 'enough' even when its far from the truth! That app sounds super handy, love the idea of recording down those big and small wins.

Yes you are moving forward, those little wins like a shower can mean so much on those tough days!

You're not rambling at all, that's the beauty of these forums 😊

Sensory overload can be overwhelming, glad you're taking care of yourself. hope you had a lovely day too 💜 

[unreal]

"I worry that I over-explain things. I feel that I have to over-explain, because so often throughout my whole life, I have been misunderstood and misinterpreted."

This is such a very common response from people that have suffered, I'm sure you know you're not alone with that.

It's a tricky one to move past too. 

I know I still struggle with the same thing myself

[unreal]

I think when you say gratitude journalling, for me I think of it as taking the time to acknowledge the good moments.

We as people spend so much more time and energy focusing and fixating on areas where we maybe didn't do so well, so i think it's important to try and spend at least equal time acknowledging and celebrating the good.

Does that sound condescending, of patronising? It's not meant to