rough time

[outlander]

@Former-Member💟🖐🍰☕💜

[Former-Member]

Wow!  Thankyou so much @outlander

💜😘

Beautiful flowers. Just what I needed. Been a tough day. 

I hope you’re ok??

[outlander]

Im glad you like them. How did your day go? A toughie by the sounds of it... @Former-Member

Yeah im ok just been watching some movies and having a read of the dbt book and hoping to have a read of the links f&h shared with me

[Former-Member]

Have to sort dinner @outlander

thanks for asking though

its all in not coping thread. 

No need to read though. It’s ok if you don’t. 

Good you sound like you’re relaxing. 

💜💜💜💜💜

[outlander]

Will have a quick look @Former-Member i dont mind at all. 💜

I need something to activate my brain abit rather than sinking into thoughts. Why not be productive hey

[outlander]

@Faith-and-Hope i just wanted to thank you for those links you shared with boundary setting. There was alot of info there but it wasnt to hard to follow. It was helpful as well will just need to keep practicing cause as they say nothing happens overnight and its all baby steps...

[Faith-and-Hope]

That’s great if you found them helpful @outlander, and yes, it takes time to develop that muscle in setting boundaries because unfortunately, they are needed.  

Probably the biggest shift in understanding is being able to see how much firming up boundaries will help you deal with people who struggle to recognise other people’s boundaries (other side of the coin) and constantly over-ride them.   Next, it’s just as eye-opening to learn how to do this while still being true to yourself ..... because you dont want to walk yourself in either ......

It involves some trial and error, but you will get it, you will get there.  Remember that being polite and kind, but not giving in to the demands of others is a good form of boundary-keeping.  It just takes practice.  Use a firm not-angry voice, and practice saying, “Thank you, but no ....” and, “Thank you, but not on this occasion .....” and, “Thank you, but I am not free at that time ..... “ and fill your diary with things you want to do for yourself, so most of the “not free” things are because you are looking after yourself.  If you’re asked for an explanation, first of all you don’t have to give one, but if you choose to, tell them you have another commitment with someone already in your diary.  No need for them to know that that someone is you .....

[outlander]

I think one of the most challanging things atm is trying to work out the boundaries @Faith-and-Hope because of how much i do im so use to just doing it even if it does bother me. Its kinda hard for me to think what i think is to much and what isnt. Some compromising i thinks in order like i can take siblings to school but not pick them up and watch them after school ( i know sometimes it cant be helped like stuck at work or a genuine reason and not just because they want me to get them) but to me it seems reasonable for that sort of setout. The rest im not to sure on.
Then its getting past the guilt of saying no. Even when i have things booked like an appt or something else im always inclined to still cancel it but i try very hard not to do that.

The emotional boundaries like the wall we talked about is another one that will probably take alot more practice. After chatting to HC she suggested that i imagine im in a bubble- keep the negative stuff out and watch it bounce off my bubble and try to keep the inner peace on the inside

[Faith-and-Hope]

That’s a good way of looking at it @outlander.  It took me quite some time to zone in to how I felt about things, because it is natural for me to feel more for the other person ..... but if you think of there being a gate between you and whether you really want to open that gate or not, it becomes about you and how you are feeling about reaching for the gate-latch instead of it being automatic ..... there is something keeping others out of your immediate space.  The bubble is the same principle.  The space inside it is yours.  You will gradually start to notice what you do or don’t want inside the bubble with you.

Consider telling you family that your doctors / counsellors are insisting that you take more time off to rest and recover your hand so it doesn’t keep re-injuring, which includes limiting your driving more.  See if that does it .....

[outlander]

Thats the same for me too @Faith-and-Hope i always feel more for the other person and sometimes cant work out what is 'mine' and what is 'theirs' to own.
Being empathetic is something i value but irs hard when it constantly comes at the expense of my own wellbeing. Its not the other persons fault of course, part of it may be because of my bpd and past truamas making everything more heightened than what it should be. It makes everything feel real even though alot of it is probably just my mind on overdrive.
I like how youve explained thr gate part- it makes me question 'do i really need/want to open that gate'

Talking about counsellors or drs doesnt help my case it usually makes things worse. My hand is healing but in the bad days i have said that i wasnt able to do something because of it. When its visible its often easier for people to understand. I have put abit of space for some things though. Ive been reinforcing the 'im a sister not a mother' within myself to and although i dont say it outloud it can come in handy to know what is /isnt my responsibility so can say no to some things.

Its all a work in progress though, have to keep learning the skills in all aspects of life so i can move forward and im sure itll help family side of things too.