Had a bit of time this afternoon to process all that happened for the past few days.
The conference was good. It helped me. Now I need to read more about this area of cybersecurity and suss out where I can go with it. At least more than what I think I know atm.
First thing is first. I think I need more time out for myself. To getrid of any distractions and sit and read or type. The past few days afforded me that chance. Sitting on the balcony and having the noise even though there wasn't much of a view and the freedom to sit there and see what I could come up with after processing all that went on was a really beneficial thing for me.
I learned how to enjoy my own company without worrying about what others think and do and say. Simply put, I got to unwind a lot of the bad thought processes that have been dominating my mind. Maybe now I can put them to rest.
Secondly, I am thinking about the conference on Friday itself and what was said and how it ties into where I can go in life and what I should look at to study. we had to do a group program presentation and I was left to speak which I normally don't mind but it seemed like this time around I was bothered by it because people didn't want to help or do it instead. By process of elimination it was me. I had to wing it. I ended up not caring, which bugged me a bit but I don't really know what else to think about it.
Thirdly, going to the beach on my own yesterday gave me the ultimate chance to spread my wings and just enjoy the day with no pressure to be anywhere by any time or anything. Freedom in other words - a bit like when I was away in 2018.
I guess I have known this for some time now, but again it was confirmed - I need to have my own space and my own company is not something I hate. I actually prefer it in some instances - especially if I have had a long day of interacting with other people.
It more or less confirms that I am introverted by nature - I need time to recharge my batteries afterwards.
In regards to my current job well work is work and it is just work. Does not need to be bad or good. All I know is that the people I work with and have spent time with for the past few months have been very supportive of me and can trust me with what is required. This says A LOT about two things - firstly it says that many people i work with CAN'T be trusted for whatever reason. It also says that I am reliable and they like working with me because I just do what is required. There are politics like any other workplacce but I think that in order to rise above work politics one has to be able to do their job well, but with the right attitude. As far as I am concerned, this is more important. My challenge for the next few weeks will be to rise above that stuff and also perform my job and also learn new stuff. It is actually quite difficult to describe what happens at my work because there are layers to it... silly really... but what can I do ?
I started writing letters to my "future self" as a way to reflect on what is happening now and so that I can frame it in a way that may well help me in the future.
I really like the idea of future self being the one I am always talking to - because that is when things begin to make sense.
I have renewed my list of things to do - my little brown book - and it looks better. It was looking a little bit vague beforehand.
Overall, it was a useful period to go away and both chill and investigate potential study options. I suspect I will sleep well this evening.
