So frustrated !!

[Razzle]

There has been so many stories in the media lately regarding pedophiles and historic sexual abuse cases now coming to light and making it to court.  In particular the George Pell case.  Some of my in-laws are Catholic, others are not but are still very religious.

There have been a few weekends lately where we have had a lot of family events, and at some point the subject of these court cases come up in conversation.  I get so frustrated by some of the comments that my sister in laws make, why they don’t believe some of these people to be guilty.  They don’t believe these things could happen and never be spoken about for 20 - 30 years, and why are they only saying something now.  That the events couldn’t have happened because other people were around and would have seen something, but there was

never any witnesses.

I have never shared my story with anyone except my husband and therapist and now  this forum), and that was only last year - 40 years after the assaults occurred.  Sometimes it happened with his family in the next room.

Sometimes I want to scream at this family, yell some sense into them,

but instead I have to sit back, bite my tongue and say nothing.  Why is it so easy for people to believe a pedophile but not the victim ??  I have come so close to outing myself and telling them why these people are so guilty but pull myself up before the words can leave my mouth.  

The more they defend these monsters, the more of a victim I feel, like I will never be believed if I ever did say something.  They make me feel like I’m a liar, that it’s some how my fault.  It leaves me feeling like crap for days.

Does anyone else ever feel like this ??  

I don’t know how to get out of these situations without drawing attention to myself.  Getting up and leaving looks obvious, changing the conversation doesn’t work because once they fire up they don’t stop until they say everything they want said.  

Its so frustrating 

[Ali11]

It would definitely be hard to not get angry in that situation @Razzle, and you did well to not say anything. Please know that you are believed and there are plenty of people who support you. Is it possible to try and start a side conversation with someone else while this conversation is happening? 

[Razzle]

@Ali11  I wish I could start a new conversation, even on the side, but once these people get fired up it’s like a competition on who can be the loudest and who can offer up the most information on the subject,  everyone has something to say all at once.  I just want to pound some sense into them, to tell them how it can happen, how it did happen and how their ignorance can affect other people.  What is wrong with these people that they can’t see past their own perfect little bubble and see the real world ??

[Appleblossom]

@Razzle 

 These negatives in Catholic culture are difficult.  I suffered listening to defenders.  In the end I moved away, and gradually I am hearing more acceptable and less triggering (to me) conversations.

Hugs.

[Ali11]

That does sound hard to start a side conversation @Razzle, it seems like an intimidating environment without the topic! It can be frustrating when people don't understand the emotions or the ramifications regarding their words, especially when they don't realise that others have that exact experience that they are talking about. Have you thought about "making a phone call", getting more food, helping the host or running to the bathroom as ways to remove yourself from the conversation without seeming too obvious? 

[Razzle]

@Appleblossom  Sometimes I wish I could move away from here.  I hate listening to their arguments, I hate feeling like I do for days afterward.

@Ali11  I think I will try your idea of finding something to do when these conversations crop up, going to the bathroom and then heading outside would be a good start

[Ali11]

That would be a good one to try @Razzle, hopefully, the conversations around that topic will stop so you don't feel uncomfortable.  

[Appleblossom]

@Razzle Hoping you do find a group that is less triggering to be part of.  Sexual abuse combined with the moral authority of the church make it traumatic and complicated.

[Razzle]

@Appleblossom   I have a history of CSA, it wasn’t from anyone within the church, I’m not even sure any of the people that did it to me are even religious, but my in-laws are religious and it just frustrates me so much that they defend these kind of people.  

Its so hard to listen to them and not be able to say anything.  The excuses they make as to why they don’t believe it could happen infuriate me, the same things happened to me, I know it can happen but they just won’t see it.  

I feel myself  getting upset just talking about it now, I just don’t understand why it’s so hard to believe the victim.  

[Appleblossom]

Pleasant Dreams@Razzle Wishing you calm and healing.