Sandy Jeffs is an inspiration. Her book "Flying with Paper Wings" gives important insight into schizophrenia and its treatment in the 70s in particular. It also provides very insightful and beautiful poetry, which paints the illness and the reality for those who live with it.
To raise awareness of schizophrenia, we want to 'open the floor' to those of you who have been diagnosed with schizophrenia, to share your story, and educate people on what it's like to experience the symptoms of schizophrenia, what inspires you, and your hopes for the future.
1) My experience with schizophrenia
I am not sure where to begin because its an intertwined web of meaning and coincidences that all tie together to some grand narrative of which I was the star (actually, I was the queen of Australia). Its where people can read minds, predict the future and the radio and TV talk directly to you through symbolism and connections among otherwise innocuous things. I thought I saw people getting younger instead of older. I thought there was a hologram above my head where people could read my thoughts. I thought everything had a double meaning, for example when they said they were "concerned" at work, I thought it meant it was partially their doing rather than them being worried. I had grand ideas I was a secret queen because I had cracked the code of what it all meant. I rang everyone I knew on my phone to see whether they understood the new order. I wrote the new order on the walls of my house in permanent marker. I self-medicated with alcohol completely in denial of my illness. I thought people had secret messages for me in inane conversation, or conversations they were having with others. I cried a lot. I thought my phone was bugged one time, and I really believed I wasn't ill - that I had worked out the meaning of it all. Then I ran away from everything thinking "they" were coming to get me.
Sometimes now I get a bit like this, when I am anxious. Sometimes everything connects up and I get scared. The double meanings and strange ideas come back. But I bounce ideas off the people around me (my family) who question it - paranoia, delusions and hullcinations, which I now can label because of my diagnosis. So that is a good thing. I take medication too.
2) What inspires me
"Out and proud schizophrenics" inspire me - those who do talk openly about it, who maintain a self-belief bigger than thier diagnosis - in doing this they destigmatise an illness that people are often scared of.
3) Hopes for the future
I hope that schizoprenia becomes as accepted in the community and workplaces as just any other illness.
I hope that I can help others with metal illness. I plan to study to do so next year.
