SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)

[Former-Member]

@Former-Member ❤❤❤

[Owlunar]

Hi @Former-Member

I hope the funeral today was okay - I hope it was a great celebration of life which is the way many funerals are not - not the gloomy events of the past and I hope you are okay too

You don't miss your Mum much - I don't miss mine either - we never made a connection  - which is totally miserable for her - I have a lot of spirit and I was that way when I was a child and I think my mother had no idea what she had in her nest - I wrote a short story about her - I called it The Stupid Chicken - it was about the Ugly Duckling's mother - my mother had a sense of humour and could be fun but woe is me - she had enough reason to be bitter and for some reason took it out of me - and I'm okay - I can't help it if she was so miserable

Perhaps something similar happened to your mother - I am not sure if you have actually said if she had MI - I think you have - this would make it hard for her to have a good relationship with you - it's really sad - 

But here we are - we have this in common too - 

How are things with your Dad - it seems things are settling but hard because of your sibs

That jacket sounds like a lucky find - good work

My mind is okay - I understand the stressors I have atm - sick daughter and frail-aged uncle - and stuff I can't write about - and as tough as these things are they are natural and I feel the stress is normal and it would be weird if I wasn't concerned about these things - 

Physically I am a wreck - the blood pressure tablets are all wrong for me - I was told the side effects would last a week - and it's a week - the pharmacist told me they have lots of other tablets though - and I am taking my BP about 3 times a day and it's pretty normal

And my knees are very sore

I'm seeing my doctor tomorrow

Anniversaries - yes - I have had the one at Easter and hopefully that won't bother me for a while. Apart from my son being in Juvey the anniversaries get heavy in June and July and it is full of funerals and birthdays - I can battle with the cooler weather though - I am glad we are having good weather

Take it easy Lapses - I hope you are okay after the funeral - I am thinking of you

Dec

[Former-Member]

Hi @Owlunar, can't believe its a month since i've been on this thread.
Just feel to cause my energy levels so low.
Yes, my Aunts funeral was okay
- You don't miss ya mum much either
- onnection is so important & my-mum was hard.
- the Ugly Duckling's mother story sounds greaaaat!
- fun but also bitter mood swings - yep= sounds familiar, what a pain!
- no you can'th simply stop people being myserable, we are each responsible for our own happiness.

I think mum has (at the least) Boarderline Personality Disorder. Huge mood swings and violent. Eldest girl - think she had it in for me since i grew boobs. The house is finally peaceful without her. Thats awful to say i know. Yes, really sad -
- we do have this in common too
- my Dad is slowly slipping-away but stable atm. I mostly posr on the Depression Dementia Dad thread.
- Things are settling with sibs, hope it lasts. Absence can be a good thing too re TS snubbong me again, even dad. x3 of them wouldnt come to dad's birthday dinner at RSL last week. The 3 who have caused me no end of trouble and deliberately do less for dad than anybody...

Yes, the jacket is big and warm and lined & dressy - a lucky find for sure.

Your daughter and uncle - and stuff I can't write about do sound hard for you of late. Hang in there. Glad you swe rhe stress as 'normal' - a natural response to an abnormal sotuation

So sorry you are Physically weak, & the blood pressure tablets have caused issues hope that sorted.

Anniversaries are a bitch. But survived mothers day. No sympathy from family for my double grief but two ppl & church were good. You with your Easter 😞 and your 'full on" funeral & birthday anz in June/July 😞
I agree - the cooler autums weather has been lovely.

Thank you Dec, i dont engage with hardly anyone on the forums now. More than likes, superficial pleasantries mostly - so this in nice ☺
❤ ❤ ❤

[Owlunar]

Hi @Former-Member

I'm sorry - I wrote a long post and had not even finished when I lost it

For some reason I am making mistakes and it can get irritating but I am thinking of you - you are not forgotten so I will get back to that when I am not so tired

Lots of hugs sis

Dec

[Former-Member]

Thanks @Owlunar= i understand ❤

[Owlunar]

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Hi @Former-Member


@Former-Member 

No wonder your energy levels are low - it's winter - well - nearly - and you have buried you mother and an aunt - and for now you are caring for your Dad - it is a major stressor to change you lifestyle as you have to care for your Dad so it's pretty well normal to wake up wandering what's next etc and to  be tired -


- You don't miss ya mum much either


I don't miss my mother - her death was surprisingly hard since she was always such a narky person - but I protected myself from her snarling by keeping away so having her gone now life is pretty much as it was except I am in a much better financial situation - so much of my life-time was spent without my mother and in the end - she is the one who missed out and she really did because I had made an active and intelligent choice


But your Mum was hard to get on with - and for you the connection important so you were in a no-win situation with her - you sorta lost no matter what you did - and I remember some of the things you write - yes - it was hard for you with your Mum was hard.


The Ugly Duckling Mother's Story - yes - I am rather proud of that short story - it's called The Stupid Chicken and it goes on for a few chapters - it's very satirical - so yes - it would be considered cruel has she ever read it -  but she didn't had I know she would not have got the point at all


My mother gathered - collected - stored - harboured - really nurtured and was proud of her grudges - spoiled Christmas - lost chances - all sorts of events were never remember as I saw them and I have a very good memory - I could tell a tale and in fact I do - often


And it was not my job to make her happy - in fact I think she actually enjoyed being unhappy because because she done me wrong - I don't think she every saw that - I walked away and left her in it and yet made a choice everything day not to visit her - after all - she wanted it that way


We have this in common - first girl - got narky when we became young women and yes - my life is easier without my mother - like you - getting over our parents' deaths more easily that we do those of our children


Your Dad might slip away - it seems you can see his increasing frailty - it might be so hard for him without your mother - my mother couldn't hardle life without my father - more we have in common - yes!!


Your sibs are digging there own way into whatever they will eventually become as perople - and the 3 who do the most snubbing may be making it harder - whatever bites them in the bum when the time comes will - I wonder about my TS too - has she remotely grieved our father let alone our mother? I dunno. It will hurt your dad but the chances are good he doesn't remember much but that's hard for you too


I saw my daughter and my grand-daughter and son-in-law yesterday for hours actually - my daughter was really ill for a few weeks and this was hard - I know she doesn't want people around when she is ill - her family knows this too - but it was hard being understanding and just standing and waiting


With my aunt and uncle the same - I have no idea how things are going - I have sent a letter in a card - letting them know my thoughts and prayers and love continue - I guess - 


A long time ago I had a church friend who insisted praying for someone was enough - and I asked her if she let that person know and she didn't think that was necessary - that prayer was enough. I thought differently - if people are in trouble they certainly need prayer more - they need to know that they are being prayed for - they need to know they are loved


In fact I think that prayer is a good habit - and definitely works - and so is loving - and prayers and loving are definitely linked. But we also need to let people know they are being sustained - how lonely if the whole world prays but no one lets on - that must be sad. 


Lapses I just found that my post - this one - I thought I had lost it a couple of nights back but it was saved so I can finish it.


And I do see that stress is a normal reaction to an abnormal situation


I am still feeling tired but I am eating better and mhy blood pressure is evening out - I was so particular taking it night and morning and sometimes in between but it's reguation now means I don't always think of it - time passes and I am glad of that and situations change - my life has rarely been peaceful so yeah - 


I had no sympathy from my family of origin about my grief too Lapses - I understand - and my daughter never wants to talk about it so I get on with it - wow - talk about a sympathetic therapist - I am not sure if I want to start with Therapist 5 - still thinking about it


But I think we all care here about your double grief here - I certainly do  - very much - and anniversaries suck - you are right - but they happen and for me my string of land-mines and birthday cards starts in June - with my cousin's anniversary - and it's hard to believe he has been gone for 10 years.


Sometimes it's hard to engage with people on the forums - the serious ones - um - I am a let-down there - I often don't understand - but when I can offer some thoughts I do - I understasnd what you mean


And superficial can be okay - we can last a long time on supeficial at times - even thought there have been times in my own life when I wonder how people can be so normal when my heart is breaking

Take it easy with life Lapses - sending love

Dec

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[Former-Member]

Oh @Owlunar, i dont know how to respond to your post, theres so much there, you sure are good at writing. I just wanna say thank you, for really listening sp very well. Hope you sleep well tonight. These autumn days & nights, just glorious. ❤❤❤

[Owlunar]

That's the perfect response @Former-Member - I know how tough things are for you right now and understand

I feel as if I am muddling through my own puddle since the weather turned bleak in Melbourne - yesterday was one of those days that dragged on and on with the small planes from the airport taking off one after the other and this really got on my nerves - I went outside for a few minutes and watched and I think they were having some kind of exercise at the flying school but the day got bleak and cold and really felt like the pits

This is when I feel the anniversaries bite - really hard yesterday - I can certainly understand your position

I  am glad I am on my own and that except for my special relliles everything else is sorted out - it's a case of self-care and getting on with myself and what I do to fill my day with what I find interesting - I just wish it wasn't such a drag but it is

So - join me in self-care - you have a job right now with your Dad and that's a huge responsibility - and for your own sake I am glad you are doing it - it is done with love and I doubt most of your sibs aren't into that - really - such an uncaring bunch

I care though and sending my best thoughts - and so glad I found that post

Hugs

Dec

[Shaz51]

Hello @Owlunar,  @Former-Member, @Former-Member, @soul, @Faith-and-Hope

mr shaz is having a big SAD day today

[Former-Member]

I am currently living in the USA Pacific Northwest so I understand the Seasonal Affective disorder.  It is EXTREMELY rainy and cloudy here in the fall and winter.  I fall into an almost stupor. I purchased a sunlamp however and it has helped immensely. I highly recommend you talk to your GP about whether it would be safe for you to use a sunlamp, it gives you the vitamins that you miss because of the darned cloudy weather.