SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)

[Former-Member]

Thanks @Owlunar and @Faith-and-Hope,
Our kidulz are a worry. S3 just sent me a tx thankingbme for checking in on him today, after our late night talk. I was able to establish last night that he is having suicidal thoughts but no plan and sees it as not an option. So that's good, I think. He doesn't want to get pdychology counselling anymore he says. Doesn't think they move fast enough for him. He's fitness kick is helping. But having bronchitis doesn't help. I don't know if he will go back to her. I don't think so, and don't think they'd be room for me if they did. I'm just the 'messed up mum that damaged him BT moving too much and leaving his dad and moody... ... I'm honoured he feels comfortable to talk with me again. and that I wasn't reactive and that I'm able to share how I got through similar. He's gotta stop being hard on himself. But he's learning this. Glad your S2 talks sometimes too F&H and you have such avgood DD Dec

[soul]

I have two kids. My son has a beautiful caring and level headed demeanour. Nothing seems to faze him all that much. Never have to worry about him. Both the kids lived with their father when I was overseas as it was still the family home. When the divorce settlement finally was sorted, they moved with him but the ex literally tossed my daughter out. She moved to a share house which was then sold and I ended up organising a small place for the two of us. And the dog and bird. Would love to have both kids with me again but the dynamics have changed. 

My daughter has had her fair share of issues. Self esteem, depression, body issues. Was on ad meds a while back. Now she lives a healthy lifestyle - eats well and exercises but not obsessive. Has occasional treats. Has a group of friends and a nice boyfriend. Just got a new job. Life seems sweet for her which means that she is a lot nicer to me too as she can get quite moody at times. 

[Former-Member]

Just got this 'out of the blue' msg from mum and don't know how to respond.

"we are ok, expecting sum much needed rain, ya dads gone to bed, i am going to sleep - do a little reading first. DVA nurse and me tried to talk dad into giving me sum respite a stay over at a hospital a week or two (dva will pay) but he said no way, so iam to bed sleep tight, i am stuffed lv m and d

Its horrible, i don't feel connected there anymore (wanted) but yes, I care and have recently alerted services to hidden problems there to try get more services.

Meant to ring her / them today. She lies and doesn't know what she wants. Likes bossing people around. Not sure if to read into her words a plee for help and go stay a while. Its hard staying in that house.

[Former-Member]

Hi @soul, glad your two kidultz are going well. Your x sounds like a piece of work. Its hard that mine have lost their sister, my only girl, baby of my family. But we will all het there. Just gotta work with what we do have left. Has your trauma upsurge started to settle Soul? Been thinking o f you.

Just found out the old work friend who stopped chemo has been readmitted to hospital with pain. She's on oxygen and morphine. Private health. Asked the friend who told me if she planned to b sit and if I could come with her? She prattled on about others doing that, we don't need to. I snapped back and said "I don't care what others are doing I need to do something" Dying is not fun for them, for those of us watching.

Want to tell but she's too caught up with herself, and allowed to be.

Why can't life be as easy as gardening 💜

[soul]

I went for a long walk this morning and feel a whole lot better now @Former-Member. Sounds like you have a lot going on. Isn't it weird how your parents who once took care of you now can't cope and become like your kids?

You're right in that dying isn't fun. My Dad had a long drawn out time before he passed. It was really difficult for him and also heartbreaking to watch. Mum was luckier if you could call it that. She was admitted to hospital on a Thursday and was gone by Sunday. 

From someone who isn't all that good at gardening, not sure about your last comment. Life can certainly be a struggle at times. 

[Former-Member]

Maybe you can help me survive losing my parents. How did you do it? I'm so scared I'm gonna go under again. Contrary to popular opinion I don't plan cracking up. Doing dumb things... Trying not to think about it. Thanks for reminding me of your story. 🙂

[soul]

It's a matter of processing the grief, taking the time to do so @Former-Member. Eventually the sadness and regret gives way to remembering the nice stuff although I don't think you can ever let go of regrets. 

Death is inevitable but it still comes as a shock. Nothing can really prepare you for how you will feel when it touches you. 

[Former-Member]

Yeah. That's what I thought @soul
If you knew my mother you'd tell me to run for the hills. My Dr & psychologist advise distance. Wish I wasn't alone. Guess I'll cope. Somehow. Wish mum would let them do the ACAT assessments.

I feel frozen to help. But am I just lazy

[Former-Member]

OK, maybe lazy, pathetic. hopeless... but those labels don't help at all 😕
Spent few hours in the garden today. Beautiful weather 🌻 Think I overdid it, dug out, moved some plants, potted some, trying to sprout others. Tidying. There no end to it I think 😕 but its nice being out there.

Tears just under the surface - not sure why. Everyone around me s suffering. I can't handle it. I asked God to put a dome over my home and shield me from the world.The sun still comes in but I am safe.☔🌈
🌷🌿

[Owlunar]

Sheesh @Former-Member

I had my mother freeze me out - I know how rotten that can be - my sister did the same - better off without them but yes - it brings grief

But those labels - pathetic, lazy, hopeless - I don't see you that way - don't let those words define you

Yes - people suffer and it's all dark at times - putting a dome over yourself and letting only the sun in - sounds like a good idea - your Mum is being dramatic with her - ah is it dementia - and your son is battling with depression also - that is really hard - but let's say he feels worse with bronchitis - he'll most likely get over his depression when he gets back to his exercise routine

If it helps I feel okay today - I had a few rough days not that far past - enough to know that it's better to sit in a chair and let time pass sometimes - and others - well - if we can we walk it off

Thining of you - it is hard when everyone is down - too right

Dec