SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)

[Former-Member]

Helpy someone, I'm not travelling too well. Lots of thoughts EVERYONE in my life is angry with me, even here, it may not be rational I know but it hurts, and I feel people, everyone don't care if I die. And SI wants to carry out plans and I get anxious and I don't know why or if I'm interpreting things right. I hate how it makes me feel.I really do think the world wouldn't notice if I disappeared, accept maybe my dog who is old and prbably be euthenased by selfish family anyway. My son yelled at me today, I've sent cards to people this last fortnight and not heard back from anyone, keep thinking "what did I say/do/write wrong this tine.. " why is everyone angry with me?" Unloveable and spent.  I'm tired of diving into movies to distract the thoughts (the only thing that kinda works in the moment) but sick of replays. Just hoping someone here can give me a leg up tonight as its harder than usual today. I took extra pain meds earlier when I needed them for my back earlier today, to bomb myself out but I know this is a warning sign. Now i'm awake again already. Just hurting. Anyone about? I know I should be strong and stand on my own, not became negative influence here. I'm trying but... might ring lifeline, hate doing that - cant just blurt out "i'm about to kiill myself" they cant handle that, andvi'm not 'imminent' enough to ring suicide callback. And I think i come across better than I am and they have their 20min time limit,. dont know, 

hope it passes, usually does, anyone, @Former-Member, Hello 💜🌿

[Former-Member]

Hi @Former-Member

Arie here, looks like your going through a difficult time and yet you are recognised your warning signs - well done and reaching out for support in a great option.

Do you think you could call lifeline? 

Remember the forum will be here if you need support

[Former-Member]

Thanks @arie,   II'll try 🌿

[Kurra]

Lifeline doesn't have a time limit @Former-Member and can be very helpful in critical crisis situations. I wasn't terribly impressed by their methods of getting me the assistance I needed but they did save my life.
Is there anything you'd like to talk about? Here for you. 🎶

[Former-Member]

Hi and thanks @Kurra. Its just that feeling of not just being alone but that everyone is better off if I was gone. I know its not rational but on the other hand, evidence is overwhelming. Lifeline have saved my life but I find they fob me off after a little while with their speel about all the other agencies I can get help. Which I interpret as - please go away. Which just makes me worse. Feel bad that I virtually hung up on my son today, he was having a go at me and accused me of something I didn't do and I just froze and couldn't speak and he was doing his 'silent' game thing too, I text later but he's not replied. What if he dies too? I know he wouldn't be stroppy without reason so normally I take it but. Just couldn't today and it feels bad. And work today, I was passed over for a small promotion that went to a 20yo. What kind of a fool do I come across of less responsible than a giggling junior? Probably because i burst into tears last week at work and dragging my feet there 😢. Its volunteer, another negative - nobody would PAY for me. I'm just overwhelmed 

[Kurra]

Let's try to break this down into smaller and hopefully more manageable segments.

Your son accused you of something you didn't do. That must have been very hurtful. Is there more to this that you'd like to talk about @Former-Member?

[Former-Member]

Yes, he was out with friends last night at... I said "I took you there for your birthday last year" He snapped me and said "no_ what" I said "you have to remember I had wftpos problems and you had to pay and i played you back" He said I didn't pay him back, but I have the receipt to prove it. But he wasn't interested and yelled at me to "please talk about something else" It didn't help that he was driving, I don't like talking, especially arguing with someone driving. It was hopeless, I just didn't know what to say and phased and literally forgot about the phone so

Its hard and expensive for me to travel to visit him and buy him & his then girlfriend a meal. And he can't even remember i try. And he is so angry - something's not right.

[Former-Member]

Sorry I'm so slow, can't think focus well

[Former-Member]

I'm gonna logoff now @Kurra, @Former-Member, will try sleep, oe watcg movie. Thanks again, good night 💜🌿

[Former-Member]

Your welcome, good night @Former-Member