SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)

[LouLouMagoo]

Hi @Former-Member I sent you an email 

[Shaz51]

Ohhhhh @Former-Member, sending you lots of hugs my friend , sitting with you

[CheerBear]

Hey @Former-Member - I'm so sorry to hear you've had such a hard day. It must be really hard to manage that want to move from your flight response but be stuck unable to because of pain.

I too can react in a fairly big way when I am triggered. I think you did really well to be able to return to work after half an hour. I can imagine that the rest of the day may have been a matter of almost sucking it up to get through, which I know is so exhausting when I have to do it.

I noticed you posted a couple of hours ago. How are you feeling now?

[Former-Member]

Oh, thanks for asking @CheerBear, I'm half OK, stomach butterflies, like shaking inside, headache, heavy eyes, food not digesting - should of had soup, really tired, and tight, pounding heart. tried meditating - can't focus. Just laying here watching dvd replay (Heartbeat - usually settles me), trying to fall asleep but can't. Wish I could just vaporise into mist and disappear forever. Ever feel like that? Might have to take something. Kinda wish I wasn't alone but talking here helps a lot. Feels like I need to go to emergency but its all so nondescript they'll just move me on - no private cover or I'd try get in. Something's wrong. Anxiety maybe. Anyway, shouldn't be so neg, i did manage to do my work shift today and Thursday. And yes, I didn't run home in a panic like i wanted to but forced myself to stay (only 2 of us at the shop) Maybe pushing it down is what's making me feel so tired, like exploding, maybeb i can grown or scream into my pillow, get it out. Damn, here's the tears again. Gonna try sleep a bit. Hope you're OK, sorry 🌷🌿

[CheerBear]

Oh @Former-Member that sounds really hard 😞

You asked if I've felt like I wish I could disappear before and the answer is yes. Recently there was a good patch of time where I very much wanted that. It passed for me though. Taking care of myself was so important at the time, and it sounds like that's exactly what you're doing by comforting yourself and watching your dvd.

I feel sad to hear that you're feeling so alone at the moment. Feeling alone with those kinds of feelings is so hard. I'm thinking of you and hearing you tonight. I know that isn't the same as having someone with you, but it helped me to feel less alone when I had people to share my feelings with here. I hope it helps you too, even if it is just a tiny bit.

I think after such a big response to your trigger today, pushing it down like you've had to do may very much be adding to the feelings tonight. If that's the case then maybe resting tonight, and hopefully sleeping a little will help.

Take care tonight lapses 💗

[Former-Member]

Thanks for your support last night @CheerBear 🌟 Actually woke refreshed (trying to work out what to do with that). It does help a lot being able to talk / connect here on the forums. a lot! and i'm grateful. Time for cuppa ☕ make ya one🌷🌿

[CheerBear]

You're welcome @Former-Member. I'm happy for you that you've woken feeling refreshed and hope that feeling stays around a while 💗

[Owlunar]

Hi @CheerBear and @Former-Member

From what I read you have been helping each other through a bleak time - I haven't read back to see what your trigger was Lapses - but we do have them and life can be really rotten for a time - but it seems you have woken up feeling better

It is winter in Melbourne - we can't escape that - and it is chilly - but wonderfully sunny which is great

I would love be busy doing nothing and take a walk - but alas - I spent most of yesterday finding and sorting my tax receipts - and there is a mountain of them - now I have most of them I have a few to chase up on my old computer and tidy up the mess - so that is what has kept me busy yesterday after a busy week

So winter yes - in Melbourne we have a saying - if you don't like the weather you can just wait and it will be different - so right now - it's time to enjoy the unusual sunny spell

I'm sorry you had such a bad spell yesterday Lapses - and glad you are feeling better today

Dec

[Former-Member]

Thanks @Owlunar, yes, feelings really are like the weather (Melbourne weather lol), we wait long enough and it will change, do a full circle. The trick is getting through the wait. Gotta love analogies, they give us a picture that joins the dots.

How was your weekend Dec, Cheerbear, F&H, Adge, Shaz. Sahara... anyone else kind around. I'd love to hear. Mine was rocky after that trigger, and sleeping too much to get house tidy and projects done, can feel my arteries hardening. Trying not to hate myself. Today's another slow start.

Saw my Dr and asked her if the increase in hypertension medication (2wks back) could be contributing to the sudden extra teariness and lythargy. She quickly looked it up and yep, there it was - Depression. She reduced the dose back, gotta lose 5kg at least. As for the CT scan results - it just confirms the OA degenerative changes and scoliisis but no compression fracture, or nerve compression found (but feels like it). I asked about the Physio Care Plan (someone here suggested) and she wrote that up and gave me a referral to a rheumatologist. My bloods were ok'ish. Inflammatory markers up, positive to genetic a alkalizing spodilosis (gotta look that one up yet) but she said not yet showing up on x-ray. So, well, see how all that goes. Good new my Hb has come up (anemia)

Off topic - Gosh, my phone keeps taking random screenshots when online, shows up on the bar up top but doesn't save it to my pH anywhere. Not good for paranoia or hacking fears. Really frequent if I check out airline ticket sales.

So, the arthritis is worse and nothing they can do about it really but manage pain and physio exercises. But maybe the change in meds will help the mood. Told her about the trigger Saturday, she's not interested in MH issues. Have been yrying to juggling 2 GP's - one for physical, one for MH. Gets tricky though.

Rang my S3 who lives in Brisbane, he said he's down today, missing his x he thinks. He's flat hunting again, looking at 14th floor unit in a 28 story block which he actually likes. Worries me. I would never. Wish he'd move back to the hills, more 'normal' setting, but says he loves the city. Go figure. Plz light a candle for him, he worries me.

Well, best try shake a leg get something done, drag myself to my support group. Just needed to say hi to someone. 🌷🌿

[Owlunar]

Hi @Former-Member

I had a look at Wikipaedia about ankolosing spondlyitis - that's inflamation of the spine - if you look it up yourself you would find out more because it is very complicated

Your GP should at least listen to the truth that you have an MI - having her not being interested could be considered wrong - it's part of your profile - not good at all

It sounds like a very confusing weekend - I didn't realise you had so many sons - 3 wow.

It's still the weekend seeing as it was a long weekend - I have just about finished sorting out my tax receipts - it hurt my back a lot doing that - and now I have to tidy up behind myself but I am really pleased I have done this paperwork

I hope your day improves

Dec