Red's house

[The-red-centaur]

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I hate my head, I don't know if I'm actually sick or my head is playing on me. 

Chest pain=anxiety

Shortness of breath = anxiety 

Sweats and shaking =anxiety

Unable to focus or concentrate =anxiety 

Im over analysing it all....ever since I had pneumonia i think I'm dying every cough I get. 

But if I'm actually sick I probably shouldn't be telling myself I'm fine and get some help. 

This is all keeping me up....I'm so tired. I just want to sleep wake up and breathe

[The-red-centaur]

Turns out I have pneumonia again. 

[tyme]

I'm sorry to hear you have pneumonia again @The-red-centaur .

Looks like if you get it once, then you are more susceptible?

[The-red-centaur]

@tyme thanks. 

I'm not sure if you are more susceptible, I just have a very weak immune system and get sick very easy. 

[tyme]

I hope you feel better soon @The-red-centaur 

[The-red-centaur]

I stupidly went on fb this afternoon. I see family posts. I feel alone. I feel like no one cares. Neglect feels worse than the other abuse. It showed that I was worthless and don't deserve love or attention. I haven't heard from my mother since she went back after her visit. Dad messages sometimes, but it's just about sports. I never hear from anyone else, not even 'friends'.

I have people around all the time, it distracts me. But the people who were supposed to care just don't. I have to pay for any sort of help or attention. 

I'm just a burden on the system. A leech. I'm only still alive because of tax payers funding. No one would notice if I wasn't. 

[Ru-bee]

@The-red-centaur I'm so sorry that you've been let down by those around you. 

I am really glad that you have been able to access services when you need them, because I know I care - we care about you here. I wish that I could say more to make this feel better for you, but if I can't make it better then I can sit with you through this tough time

[The-red-centaur]

@Ru-bee thank you. I had a little cry and fell asleep. I'm a little better now. 

Santa day time is hard, the past finds a way into my head badly this time of year. I feel like I can't talk to anyone about that stuff. And due to having pneumonia and stuff I haven't been able to see my psych for a few weeks. And it won't be til the new year probably now. 

This this morning I had to say goodbye to my longest running ndis support. She had helped me out so much, she was specialist support coordinator and practically built my life as it is around me now. I'll miss her. 

It felt like I've lost so much this year. I've gained a lot I know. It's just looking back at the goodbyes, the people I'll never interact with again. It hurts. I miss a lot people. 

I feel left behind. 

[rav3n]

your specialist support coordinator seems like a lovely person, i can see that she's meant a great deal to you & i'm really glad someone as amazing as her was able to make a positive impact on your life. it's totally okay to miss people, and i can see how people leaving and the holiday period can make you feel left behind. @The-red-centaur 

but you are always moving forward. every day, every lil step, you are making progress. it's okay to take time to process all those mixed feelings, but just know that the community is here for you always. we care truly care. 

[Jynx]

@The-red-centaur aww I've run out of time to write you a proper message but wanted you to know I'm thinking of you!! 

If you're around tomorrow maybe we can catch up? 

Hugs 💜🫂