Raising Awareness of BPD - Flipping the Script

[BPDSurvivor]

@BlueBay @New2BPD @Anastasia @Shaz51 @Daisy16 

[Shaz51]

thanks @BPDSurvivor 

Hello @BlueBay , @New2BPD , @Anastasia , @Daisy16 

[Deadpool]

Hello, I was diagnosed with BPD in 2012.

[Shaz51]

hello and welcome to the forum @Deadpool 

@BPDSurvivor, @BlueBay , @New2BPD , @Anastasia , @Judi9877 

[BlueBay]

Hi @BPDSurvivor 

Can I ask you a question?  How did you accept your BPD diagnosis?  I was at my doctor's on Tuesday in a complete mess emotionally, having so many negative thoughts from SH to suicide.  My GP mentioned that it's like a person losing an arm and they accept after time that they only have one arm.  

I don't know how to accept my BPD.  Any advice pls 🙂

[BPDSurvivor]

Hey @BlueBay ,

So so so glad you reached out.

In terms of 'accepting' my BPD diagnosis, in retrospect, it is not only cognitively acknowledging I have weaknesses, but being proactive and working towards doing something about it. For instance, I understand I have emotion instabilities, hence I work towards practising strategies that try to bring an equilibrium to the situation. It is about being open to trying new things. Although we may have the same BPD diagnosis, the traits can vary greatly. That means, a strategy that works for you may not work for me. 

Another example is my tendency to flare up into uncontrollable fits of anger. I know this is my weakness, hence I practise sensing potential flare ups and implement strategies which prevent the escalation of situations.

Recovery requires an active part on your part. It is not about being passive receivers of  therapy and tools, but rather users. For me, it was learning that unless I practise these skills when I am not triggered, they will not be effective when I am triggered. That is why I practise defusion techniques everyday, so that when I am triggered, I am more adept to using defusion techniques.

Another important point is an understanding of the "behaviour change model". For behaviours to change, this model outlines the following steps:

- Step 1: Precontemplation - unaware of the problem 

- Step 2: Contemplation - aware of the problem and of the desired behaviour change

- Step 3: Prepartion - intends to take action

- Step 4: Action - practises the desired behaviour

- Step 5: Maintenance - works to sustain the behaviour change

A therapist is there to GUIDE, facilitate, and support one's desire to make changes, but they cannot do the work for you. Consider which stage you are at, and perhaps this model of behaviour change can shed some light on the work ahead. 

This model works extremely well with BPD. I cannot say you can use this model for all MH issues (e.g. chemical imbalances which need medication), but I am certain these are the underlying principles to BPD recovery.

Have I answered you in a way you understand? Please let me know if you want further clarification about anything. I would be more than happy to answer you. I am very open about my BPD and my recovery journey.

BPDSurvivor

[BlueBay]

Hey @BPDSurvivor 

I totally get it!!

I am reading through your reply and I think i am between 2 and 3.  It's so hard, so draining.  I need to get my head around the fact that it's okay to make mistakes, it's ok to not feel good. I have so much good/bad; perfect/not perfect; black and white thinking.  

I am doing some meditation at times when i am feeling ok; not just when I am not well.  

When i was listening to my 'inner negative voice' on Monday at work i went downhill straightaway.  By tuesday i was a negative emotional mess at my doctor's.  I explained this yesterday to the psychologist in group therapy and he said i need to not listen to the 'inner voice' or he calls it 'the radio' because it just goes on and on and on.  So what i need to do is stop it the instant the voice or thoughts come into my head.  Before it even makes me feel so terrible.  Does this make sense.  Or even tell myself 'oh here goes that radio again".

Thank you, you have explained it really well.  

If i have any other questions I'll let you know.

BB

[BPDSurvivor]

Awesome @BlueBay !

Although I am on my recovery journey, I still have heaps to work on. I still struggle with the good/bad, up/down, black/white thinking. I am working on it with my therapists because I know this is an area I want to change. I guess it is about knowing what needs changing, the working towards it. To me, or perhaps pwBPD, the idea that good AND bad can exist at the same time abosolutely does NOT make sense! The concept is confounding to me.

As a borderline, I found I used to "label" and treat people as 'good' or 'bad' based on their last behaviour. For example, it they looked at me the wrong way, they were labelled as "bad" until their next 'good' behaviour. This was what made my relationships terribly unstable. Or sometimes, someone would help me with something. I would then label them as 'good' and leech onto them to the point of smothering them, until their next 'bad' behaviour - I'd then turn to hate them. As I've grown and matured, I am more wary of this and can balance out my loves and hates a little more. I've still a LONG way to go!

@BlueBay , the BPD journey is hard, but really rewarding. You will learn so much about yourself and others.

Hugs. I'm walking this road with you as YOU do the work.

BPDSurvivor

[BPDSurvivor]

Also @BlueBay , it means doing the very things that scare you most and things that seem totally unnatural.

[BPDSurvivor]

@BlueBay @Shaz51 @Deadpool @New2BPD @Anastasia @Aniela