Raising Awareness of BPD - Flipping the Script

[BPDSurvivor]

@Former-Member ,

Also, throughout the Word of God, after each battle, God always sent a refreshing. But the refreshing did not come until after a challenge.

For example, after the parting of the Red Sea, where God's people were chased by the  enemy, God refreshed them at Elim. Here there were 12 springs of water and 70 palm trees. This was God's refreshing for his people. (Exodus 15).

So, @Former-Member , it might be hard now, but there WILL be a refreshing.

BPDSurvivor

[Former-Member]

Thank you @BPDSurvivor, you're very encouraging, and I've not given up completely, only relationships. I'm a recluse now, lucky if walk out the door once a week. Don't want people to see me. Having said that, it's only the big shopping centres I panic, and at Coles I always seem to spark a good chat with the checkout person (if I don't rush through the auto). Anyway, I'm in a comfort zone where I'll stay for winter. It doesn't matter, don't wanna bother people.
Do you work?
What's your family like?

[BPDSurvivor]

Hi @Former-Member ,

As much as I've 'recovered', I struggle with relationships and have never had any lasting relationships. I have a fear of people getting close to me, so my natural instinct is to avoid relationships. I know this is something I want to change, hence much of my therapy work is around building relationships.

I live on my own. I work - A LOT. Not because I need to, but because it is a security for me so I am 'too busy' to form relationships. Looking at me, people think I'm the most socially adept person...but inwardly, my anxiety and stress spikes to the heights. I currently have a psycho-social worker who has supported me to join in social meetings and stuff, but I really dislike getting out of my comfort zone to meet people. I like the exercise and stuff these clubs do, but I just don't like hanging around talking...

So @Former-Member , besides on a work level, I actually don't socialise with people. I am very isolated, but because of my job, I don't feel lonely. Hence I'm quite satisfied and content with my life.

Although I'm in quite a comfortable place, I want to work on relationships as part of my own growth and learning - because I know it's good for me. That's why weekly, I step out of my comfort zone and talk to people.

Hope that makes sense. BPD has brought a lot of fear in terms of building relationships, but at this point, I'm well enough to tackle it a little at a time.

😉 What are your thoughts?

[Former-Member]

It's sad @BPDS that you don't 'socialise' outside of work, where you can be more 'yourself' / relaxed and on the same level as others. What will you do fvyou suddenly couldn't work? Or take a long holiday? On the other hand it's good that you have employment that does give you those boundaries in relationships to socialise in. I get it, I use to be a nurse, for decades, and it's amazing, when I look back, what I achieved, the very sociable bubble me (till my confidence crushed after MH breakdown & marriage breakdown) Never quite the same again.
Not sure what I'm trying to say. Did you watch the YouTube link?

[BPDSurvivor]

Ooooo @Former-Member ,

Yes, I did watch the link. I've watched it before. I totally get it. It's great for people to understand the diagnosis.

As for my social life, I know it's something I need to work on, and hence this is a part of my current therapy work. I've come to the realisation that it's not because I'm not sociable, it's more my own perception of my ability to socialise. According to people around me, they love hanging out with me, but I've put barriers up so that I don't spend any more time with people than I have to.

I work as a teacher. Thus, I'm around people ALL DAY. When I go home, I'm happy just to be quiet.

That takes me to another idea. I think nursing and teaching attract a similar personality. I also know quite a number of other BPD nurses and teachers. Does that indicate the strengths of borderlines allows us to 'help' others? I believe so. That's why I see BPD as a blessing (in disguise). If we know how to frame the traits of BPD, we can actually see many strengths and capabilities. 

My BPD has taught me to work with the most difficult of difficult children. I gravitate towards children who have severe emotional and behavioural issues - I think it's because I can relate to how they are feeling? I see this as a strength stemming from my BPD.

Can you see why I've learnt to embrace BPD? I embrace it so I can use it to its full potential, and learn from it.

[BPDSurvivor]

Tonight, @Former-Member @Judi9877 @Oaktree @Hombre @Shaz51 and others,

I'm actually feeling quite frustratingly "bored". I don't know if this restlessness attributes to a recent med reduction. I hope not. But as I type this message, I'm starting to notice subtle side effects which I haven't even thought about. Slight agitation and frustration, troubles with sleep, restlessness...if these are withdrawal symptoms, I'm willing to wade through it. I just don't want it to be a sign of me falling way below my baseline.

I know our bodies are incredible mechanisms that can learn to adjust. The hard part is knowing whether my current state is really linked to meds or not.

Oh well, I'll just have to wait and see. Med reduction is such a challenge for me, hence I'm taking it ever so slowly.

I'll let you know how things go. I just thought it's probably good I share some of my more vulnerable moments so that people realise my life is not just about floating on cloud9 with no troubles. 

I hope I get to sleep soon so I don't find myself dozing off while on WebEx conferences tomorrow!

Ciao ciao!

Speak soon,

BPDSurvivor

[Former-Member]

Ya doing well @BPDSurvivor, I'd be hyper alert too, I think we fear regression deep down cause we know we're capable of it. But awareness is half the battle so I'm guessing you'll figure it out. I don't know where you live bit this windy weather affects me,vaggitates me, and no exercise messes with mood. Even lack of vegies for few days or dehydration can cause irritability. I think it's harder for some personality disorders to join the dots, or know what hey feel and where it's coming from. These are some of the externals that affect me so guess what I'm saying is that it may not be due to your change in medication.
But I hear you, that you're vulnerable too at times 😢 What's that saying of late... "were all in this together"
Hope you sleep better tonight 😴☁️

[BPDSurvivor]

Hey @Former-Member ,

After a bit of a restless night, I'm almost at the end of work for today. I look forward to going back to school soon to see the kids. Much better than home learning.

When you spoke about environmental factors, it made me think about how environments affect pwBPD. I think it's one of the few MI where one's surroundings have a major impact on their day-to-day wellbeing. If things are good, pwBPD are 'good'. If things are bad, pwBPD are 'bad'. That's probably why we find ourselves so unstable.

Not long ago, I remember that if someone looked at me in the 'wrong way', that was it. I turned. Yet, if a moment later, they looked at me the 'right way', I'd melt.....arghhh... the joys of BPD.

Now, having been through Mentalisation Based Therapy, I can manage these emotiions much better now. Phew!

Anyway, how's your day been, @Former-Member ?

BPDSurvivor

[Former-Member]

@BPDSuevivor, interesting re mood swings. Glad you slept. Are you a teacher?
My days been ok ta. Not much done really, Bit of self care catchup. Been slack.
Watching docMartin atm.

[BPDSurvivor]

Hi @Former-Member ,

Yes, I'm a teacher. That's what I meant. It takes a certain character to be a teacher or a nurse. Hence I believe pwBPD have some attraction to these careers of helps?

What do you think? As I mentioned earlier, I know quite a number of borderlines who are teachers or nurses. Otherwise, they are in the 'helps' industry....

BPDSurvivor