Raising Awareness of BPD - Flipping the Script

[BPDSurvivor]

Also, at @BlueBay , @TideisTurning raised a very important point about self care. It is essential, and your have said, "Im still sabotaging everything" - this is NOT a self care statement. There are many things you have not 'sabotaged' eg look how much Little A adores you? Consider, are you really sabotaging EVERYTHING? Challenge this thought of yours - Is there not one thing that you haven't sabotaged? I'm sure there are so many that we cannot even count them!

Being aware of your unhelpful thinking patterns is the first step to changing them. Notice, I didn't not say they are 'bad' thoughts? There is no such thing as bad thoughts. Rather, they are helpful or unhelpful. A thought that is helpful to you may not be for another person and hence it is very subjective. 

Do what works for you, my dear.

BPDSurvivor

[BPDSurvivor]

Hi @BlueBay ,

Thanks for your message, especially explicitly telling me that you feel judged. 

No, I am not judging you and I am not saying what you write is 'sabotage'. What I mean is that sometimes, events become a self-fulfilling prophecy based on your view/outlook. For example, if we view a situation through a 'negative' lens, then we have already begun the 'sabotaging' (if you want to use that word.

Please don't think I am against you or judging you. Please let me know if you want clarification about anything.

BPDSurvivor

[Shaz51]

@Hombre, hello you are here 

@Netty78, @BlueBay , @BPDSurvivor 

[jazz]

Hi just checking to see how things are going with the both of you? @BlueBay @BPDSurvivor 

[BPDSurvivor]

Thanks @jazz for checking in. I'm eagerly waiting for @BlueBay to respond as I in no way seek to upset her. 

@BlueBay , hope you're okay. Hugs, BPDSurvivor

[Judi9877]

Hi there @BPDSurvivor . Just checking in to see how things are going. Also to tag @cvb81 who is new to the forums and whom I wanted to let know of this discussion thread. 

My BPD has been interesting the past few weeks with sabotaging happening within myself for uni - I'm changing back to tafe to do mental health as I'm sick of waiting at least 3 long hard years to get a possible job in case management as I had initially wanted at uni. Hopefully the tafe course which starts in July will enable me to get a job in mental health sooner rather than later as I'm impatient right now and need the cash for important things! I've just got to keep my eye on the final prize of a job at the end of the course as my major motivational factor and not give up by taking things to heart with what other people say in the course which has happened too many times to me in the past. I've got to believe in myself and know that 12-18 months is a small amount of time compared to uni as I've discovered and I need to get a job! 

I read that you've been busy as well. How are you travelling with your BPD journey? Do you find that you have trouble with focussing on specific things and concentrating? That's been happening to me with reading and my craft activities and it's disappointing to say the least. That's partly why I'm glad I dip into the  Daily Achievements! thread when I remember to post which is daily except for this past weekend due to life being busy.

Take care!

Judi9877

[BPDSurvivor]

Hi @Judi9877 ! 

Welcome @cvb81 ! Hopefully you'll find some helpful hints here - real life experiences. BPD from an insider's perspective 😉

@Judi9877 , it's great you are looking into working in the MH industry. I could NOT do it. I don't have the patience, stamina or desire to work in MH. All the best as you seek this endeavour. It can be very rewarding. I can work with kids, but I can't work with adults LOL.

Currently, I've got a uni assignment due in a few days time. Im not stressed about it. I haven't started actually, but it's okay because I know what I have to do. In terms of work, it's been quite hectic. I start marking exam papers from Tuesday next week and that runs into the night, lasting 4-6wks. So yeah, quite full on, but I totally love doing it. 

My main BPD challenge at the moment is still my untamed temper. I still flare up, and to mitigate this, I avoid situations. I'm looking to work on my anger management so that I don't have to intentionally demonstrate avoidant behaviours to cope. 

In terms of therapy, I'm beginning to tackle my childhood traumas. A very sensitive area, but something I know I must do as part of my recovery. I'm working on finding room to love my inner child, but unfortunately, I have not been very successful at all. My inner child is very cold, aloof, anxious and non-responsive. I'm at a loss. Fortunately, my adult self is persisting - a little each day. 

Overall, I've continued to be a very content, functional, and active person. To this day, I still can't believe Ive come this far, seeing I have been in the lowest of lowest places with my BPD.

Once again, it emphasises that recovery is definitely possible!

BPDSurvivor

Hi to everyone passing by,

@BlueBay @Andrab @Judi9877 @WIP @Nells @Shaz51 @Aniela @JJ4 @vashi @BPDrose @Luca33 @Sarah_850 @Olliesmum @asdfge @SunflowerMe @magical_journey @Tbo @sarvan @Snoopy56 @Ellan @sanity41 @Laylah @Flossy92 @Bow @BPDSurvivor @Jacaranda84 @LouisianaM @Andrab @Theodora @Et68 @26aqua @LostAngel @Healing_Journey @TG1108 @BPDCarer1 @DJ228 @Name84 @TomRiddle32 @Dec @PAX1741 @Netty78 @PlantLover @Hannahbanana98 

@Kaitlynjade97 

[Judi9877]

Hi @BPDSurvivor and everyone here. I just thought I'd post a little BPD success story/achievement of mine that just occurred.

I had a disagreement with my twin who basically believes I'm not a success because I'm not working and don't own a house or have a guy in the picture. Um, facts are I do work- volunteer work is work in my eyes- and I have a guy on the scene - again, she doesn't approve ( she always wanted him but he chose me over her) because she wants to have it all. Anyway, long story short, she brought up my Royal Commission into Mental Health submission for Victoria that got accepted and published. Apparently, I got her to print a copy of it and she decided to read it unknown to me and therefore, didn't like what she read. She said it was lies and was only my side of the story. True that it's only my perspective but they were not lies and as I've spoken to my relevant support team, they have said she is jealous because I told them she hasn't had anything published before, especially in a government document of all things. My twin has always believed herself to be the writer in the family and therefore, no one is meant to compete against her said title, hence the jealousy. I digress- sorry!

So, when things got heated on a call this morning, I chose to hang up and do some writing about not being good enough in her eyes and the eyes of my father. Wow! Talk about therapeutic! I got so much out that I felt relieved and proud of myself for not choosing to call her again and argue with her, possibly making things even worse. Yes, I felt angry at her but I chose to handle the issue in another way and I believe it is a more positive and accepting way. 
I'm possibly going to type up what I wrote in another area of the forum Re: writing as a form of therapy so maybe have a look there if I choose to publish it. I'll let you all know what I decide on that front.

Yes, my BPD is emotional, scary, frightening, but it's also wonderful as it always continues to teach me something new about myself. In this case, channeling my thoughts into writing instead of an argument which is an achievement.

Take care,

Judi9877

[BPDSurvivor]

Hi @Judi9877 ,

Thanks for sharing your wins! I've got a lot of wins to share too!

I walked past a work colleague today. She asked if I was okay. I told her, "I'm totally okay. If anything, I'm really well." She gave me a look. Then I elaborated. "I'm well, not because things haven't been tough. I'm well because I've conquered the tough stuff and am happy how I navigated the challenges."

So like you, @Judi9877 , I think life is not about what challenges you face, but how you face them.

What does everyone else think? Anyone want to share?

BPDSurvivor

Hi to everyone passing by,

@BlueBay @Andrab @Judi9877 @WIP @Nells @Shaz51 @Aniela @JJ4 @vashi @BPDrose @Luca33 @Sarah_850 @Olliesmum @asdfge @SunflowerMe @magical_journey @Tbo @sarvan @Snoopy56 @Ellan @sanity41 @Laylah @Flossy92 @Bow @BPDSurvivor @Jacaranda84 @LouisianaM @Andrab @Theodora @Et68 @26aqua @LostAngel @Healing_Journey @TG1108 @BPDCarer1 @DJ228 @Name84 @TomRiddle32 @Dec @PAX1741 @Netty78 @PlantLover @Hannahbanana98 

@Kaitlynjade97 

[Shaz51]

@LearningWaters come and meet some wonderful members @BPDSurvivor , @Judi9877 , @BlueBay