Putting yourself out there

[BS9]

Hi, I am an incredibly shy person and have never taken steps to tell someone how much I care about them and hope for a relationship. Well that changed two weeks ago when I told the guy that I have been hanging out with now for over year that I cared about him a lot.... He politely said thank you and that he loves spending time with me but he's decided to not be in a relationship with anyone. Now, the thing is for this past year we have nearly loved in each other's pockets. We have spent so much time together that people around us have questioned whether or not we were together. I even thought he had feelings....but now I just feel like I was crazy. Some of you may say that I just need to walk away and you are probably right but I am grieving so much right now and I'm sure my friends are sick of me talking about it. I just wanted someone who thought like me, enjoyed the same things as me etc just saw me and willing to give it a go. Thanks for reading my rant. It's a bit hard right now.

[tyme]

Hey @BS9 ,

Firstly, thank you for reaching out. It takes a lot of courage to share what you've been experiencing at the moment.

I hear the pain and the loss you are experiencing, especially if you have put yourself out there and shown your vulnerabilities. Your emotions are valid. 

I wonder if it is more about what he is experiencing at the moment, and maybe he is not ready for commitment?

I hope you find space for self-compassion at this time.

[MJG017]

Hi @BS9, Welcome to the group.  I can completely understand about being incredibly shy so I know how difficult it must have been to be so open and honest with this guy.  And the response must have hurt a lot. 

He did he didnt want a relationship with anyone at the moment.  So it is more a rejection of relationships that it is of you.  Maybe he was just telling you what he thought would hurt you less, or maybe he just doesnt want a relationship at the moment.  It may be because hes had a bad experience, or just doesnt feel he's ready yet.

I dont think you need to walk away just yet.  But maybe now that he knows how you feel, maybe ask him why he feels they way he does and if he feels like there is a chance of a relationship developing in the future.

I understand how hard it must be right now, but you showed a lot of courage and vulnerabilty and you should be proud of that.  So take it easy on yourself and see if you can get some further clarity.  And if he can't provide that, then you can make a decision on what to do next.