Mental Health Illness Depression

[pie]

Hi Everyone, My User Name is Pie, But my Real Name is Kylie, I have been Diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety, Recently My Dad has Had an Accident and Totalled His Car, He wasn't Hurt, But now has Severe Depression, He had it Before in 2002 when my Mum and Him were in Hospital, My Mum Died in 2003, I have my dad But am all alone, I feel Lost, I'm not Coping well and am Very Stressed, I have been Taking on More things Like Shopping which I usually don't do and I do Regular Cleaning around the House, I feel Guilty, That I wasn't with Dad when he had the Accident, I was staying In Mildura with a Friend when It Happened, I Blame Myself for this, I do Have a Carer, and Have a Disability. I'm really finding things Tough. Sometimes I have Sucidial Thoughts. Hope to Hear from you soon Thanks.

[kato]

Welcome to the forum pie.

it looks like you've really been hit with a curveball and I can sense that you are really finding it hard to keep being strong, 

I wonder why you feel responsible fir your dad having an accident, would it have been different if you were with him.....

I know how easy it can be to blame yourself for something and feel responsible for it and that is my fault, I do it to myself all the time when I find myself doing that I take a deep breath and remind myself that I can not change what has already happened I can work on the present the here and now

I can't change the past and I cant predict the future but I can try and make the most out of today.

Not easy I know I still get caught in what ifs and maybe if I did this.

Have you spoken with someone about how you are feeling like a dr or your carer if your comfortable with them?

Again welcome to the forum and hope to see you around more

kind regards

kato

[kenny66]

Hi

Depression sucks. I dont understand why you feel guilty about your dads accident but with MI there is often no logic about what we feel anyway.

theres no magic formula unfortunately to alleviate our suffering sometimes and often no matter whatever anyone says, even though it has a ton of sense to it, the advice doesnt help us out.

So its sort of in our hands to get through a lot of these periods and feelings. Sounds glib but you need to get onto someone who is good at handling stressfull and depressed situation-lifeline and others fit this bill. Also A and E is there for you if you need it.

I hope things go much better for you.

kenny

[NikNik]

Hi @pie 

Welcome to the Forums, it's unfortunate that it's under these circumstances though.

I'm really glad to hear that physically, your dad is okay. It sounds like he has a bit of work to do though on his mental health to recover completely.

The main thing I want to address is your suicidal thoughts. Do you have a plan on how to look after yourself when you're having these thoughts? Just in case you haven't, here are some very useful and supportive crisis numbers that can help you 24/7:

- Suicide Call Back Service: 1300 659 467 They also have online counselling which you can find here or simply google 'Suicide call back service'

- Lifeline: 13 11 14 They also have online crisis chat, which is accessible here

- Suicide line: 1300 651 251

Please use these as your own little resource kit if those thoughts come back up.

Outside of that, I want to echo what the others have said. The accident is not your fault.

There are many people in this forum who are also carers, and I think they would agree with me when I say that in order to effectively care for someone, you have to look after yourself first.

 I'm always in awe of people who can pick up the signs about themselves, that indicate they are not okay. You have show a lot of self awareness by noticing your own changes of behaviour.

You have taken a big step by sharing your story here with us. Would you feel comfortable taking another step forward and speak to a professional about this too?

The forums & it's wonderful members are here for you every step of the way. 🙂

NikNik

[pie]

Hi Nik Nik, Thank you for writing to me I really Appreciate it, I don't think I could Actually Go Through with it, I would hate myself If I did that to my dad, and It would be Selfish, I have wanted to Harm myself, I see a Psychologist, They are helping me.

[CherryBomb]

Hi @pie,

@NikNik  isn't around tonight, but I am and I've tagged her in the post so she'll get a notification. 

I just wanted to say it's great that you're reaching out for support both with your psychologist on these forums. It takes courage to talk about what you're going through.

There's always people on here too that can understand and relate to what you're going through.

I hope to see more of you around on the Forums,

CB

[pie]

Hi everyone I have been having Panic Attacks to Go with my Depression, as I am Very worried about my Dad, He had 2 Falls today because he is still too Unsteady on his feet and he got up too quickly and I didnt catch him, I am so Stressed out, I'm Scared to Go out with My Boyfriend or to Go away with My Boyfriend, and When I have a Seizure I feel so Humiliated At the Moment everything keeps Getting Worser I dont know what to do, I'm scared to leave him alone, am I a Bad Person and Daughter, my Health Isn't Good at all, I am So glad I have the AFL Football to go to when It Starts at Least that makes me Happy.

[pie]

Hi Cherry Bomb, Thank you so much for writing to me, It makes me feel good that you do Care, I'm still finding it very Hard to Cope, and am still Blaming myself, Even my dad said It's not my fault, It really hurts to see him go from being Independant to staying in bed all day and Very depressed, It won't be a Quick fix, But I am slowly getting my Dad back, I'm still not coping very well but I do see a Psychologist not far from my House.

I have always Put other people first in my life, like my friends, and that and also since I was Bullied at High School, I have no Self Confidence and no Self Esteem, So Days I feel like Harming myself but I know that It would not be fare to Dad because I would be selfish If I did that.

I have met a Wonderful Man who absolutely loves me, and I love him with all of my Heart, and he says I am Beautiful and Sexy, But I can't believe that because of those Bullies, They have ruined my life, I totally Doubt myself now, I'm hoping to get into a Hospitality Course soon, But am having second thoughts because I tell myself I'm not good enough to do it.

I also wish I could lose weight that would be a big goal, maybe my man will love me more, but he loves me the way I am, but I don't. Thank you for Listening to me. Bye from Kylie.

[kristin]

Dear Kylie,

Welcome to the forums. I'm really glad you found us, and I hope we can help. We're a pretty caring bunch so that in itself can help, but sadly none of us has the magic wand we'd like to make ourselves or others better. Having a mental illness can be quite a journey, but very worthwhile.

Firstly I'd like to make a slightly different observation, than what others have here, about your dad's accident. I'm so glad he's survived it ok, especially after writing off his car. That's really scary. I did it myself earlier this year. You know what the first thing I thought was? I was so glad none of my kids were in the car with me. My guess is your dad might be relieved or pleased about that. If you had been there you might have been hurt, then who would be there for him now? Maybe it is grace that you were away? It sounds like you have been doing a lot to care for him, even though you have many valid health concerns yourself.

Secondly I have to tell you that what I'm reading says you're a young woman with a beautiful heart who is deeply concerned about her dad, and doing all she can - but giving herself a hard time because she's not superwoman. Please, for both your sake and his, see that you are doing your best. That is all any of us can do. Giving yourself a hard time about it makes it harder to do well. (Sounds like those horrid bullies really got to your head, but don't let them stop you from being yourself.)

It must have been terribly distressful losing your mum - I'm so sorry about that, but I wonder if even now she might be able to help you in a way. Can you imagine if it were your mum trying to care for and support your dad? And you were watching this - would you want to give her all the encouragement, love and support she needs in the midst of a terribly difficult time? This is what she might wish for you in this time - that you have encouragement, love and support. So try to be kind and gentle with yourself. It can be amazingly helpful.

I also can't help wondering whether your carer might be able to help with contacting your local council to see about some home help for you and your dad? If available this would help take a bit of the pressure off you, in trying to look after your dad's every need.

It is completely understandable that you are feeling overwhelmed, and when were already suffering from depression that this added trauma of your dad's accident has made it worse. I'm pleased and relieved to hear that you have a psychologist nearby. At times like these we all need as much support as we can get. Please don't hesitate to use NikNik's list too. You are precious, and none of us want you to listen to those suicidal thoughts. Please take care.

Kindest regards,

Kristin

[coffeegirl]

I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through pie. I saw this and thought of you;