@former-member
hi there!!
im in my early 20's and had been diagnosed with psychosis (mixed in with paranoia) , anxiety and depression and borderline personality. i had been diagnosed when i was 14 so ive lived with it for a while now.
i hope i dont traumatise you but i also want to share my experience with psychosis in case its something that would bring you comfort because for me when i got recomended to seek out these forums it made a world of difference as i found someone i could relate to. it also helped me come clean and say to myself "wow, becuase there are other people who experience these symptoms just like me.. i feel as if the voices i have arent in control and aren't "real" as i once thought they were".
so for me i find that if i were stressed out from uni, not sleeping well or stressed out in general the impact that the voices have on me is detrimental and it stops me from functioning at my fullest capacity. it's really hard to notice these patterns and as you grow with your psychosis you'll be able to notice what triggers your voices, what agitates you in terms of how your voices makes you react and what makes it harder for you to cope throughout your day becuase of these voices. so taking some space to realise your 'early warning signs' also helps and actively stepping back and making sure you know that : "okay, im panicking a little now. what is causing this reaction in me? and how should i show myself some self care to be able to recover from what is going on for me in the moment."
my phsychosis changed throughout the years but when i first started off i was manic.. screaming at everyone..unaware of what i was saying.. i showed signs of aggression..i wasnt even my 'normal self'. it was like someone had flicked a switch and caused me to run around the place with an entirely different personality. i can recall thinking i was a celebrity and thinking that my family were evil and trying to poison me through bating me with food. luckily though i still was eating and hadn't stopped eating the food they made for me.
i can recall running away from home one night thinking that i was going to get picked up by a scouting agency and then the police found me in a club at night hiding in a toilet with my concerned mother hanging close to them. that was the start of my first hospitalisation and then the story goes on ahaha and as i needed more hospitalistions for changing my medications the experience i had in hospital wasnt as bad since i made friends.
today im dealing with an entirely different set of voices who seem to traumatise me and repeat after my thoughts ( that in itself is really hard for me to deal with ) and im still struggling to deal with it today. im always lying on the borderline of 'believing they are real people speaking to me' or 'not real people and they are all a part of myself'.
it's all a learning process for me and i'm sure others can agree that with time you start to learn about the nature of your psychosis. but for me i found reaching out to my mental health team really helps me unload all the stresses i experience. and talking to others who are supportive also helps. it took me a few tries with different pshychologists before i could settle with one that worked for me.
for me what kept a relapse at bay, was keeping linked with people im comfortable with speaking to about these issues, hallucinations, stressors, and life issues in general.
i hope this has helped you a little or had given you a glimmer or hope as i havent relapsed back to my first state since my first admission. and im healthy going to uni yet managing my traumas, stressors and voices in general.
i hope you have a good day though~ with everything that comes along i know you'll get through it. if you can somewhat have hope within your life then things would look a little bit brighter. but i know that its easier said then done, but the positive people i have in my life has helped greatly and the energy that they bring to my life is somewhat helpful for me to look back on those during 'darker days' i have. so find someone you can speak to about everything so that they can be there for you in your toughest times.
i also listen to podcasts which talk about mental health and it makes me feel less alone too.. (if this helps ahaha)
