Responding now to the second half of Page 177. Some posts from many of you which brought out the 'water works', and made me very emotional. I really appreciate what so many of you are telling me. Unfortunately I have a real trust issue .. or lack thereof. I have had my trust in people broken too often. Now I dont trust my own judgement and tend not to believe what people say. I know this is MY problem, and is no reflection at all on any of you .. and your honesty and belief in what you are saying. Its simply ... ME.
@outlander .. thanks sweetie for saying I belong here, and even better that I belong (and am welcome) in your Forum family. You are kinda special to me also you know? But I know you are special to a lot of people here. Its nice to think though, that you still have room in your heart for silly ole me. 😊
@Faith-and-Hope ... Gee, what can I say? Thanks, your response is heartwarming. I'm pretty sure people here are fond of me .. maybe a favourite auntie or something. Hence the wacky relative comment. I hope people dont respond to me out of a feeling of obligation or pity. That would make me pathetic! I'm not really that easy to get to know, certainly not in real life. But I see the closeness of some other connections here, and sometimes I get a bit envious of that. And yet ... in reality I dont really want that for myself. Its too much responsibility .. a responsibility I'm not comfortable with. It puts me in a position where I can fail, or let others down. Which I dont like, and dont wear well.
Of course I know you in a real low right now .. and little wonder. I think you do amazingly well to juggle everything that you currently do. Yes I am in a lot of emotional (and also physical) pain right now. These broad shoulders of mine are breaking down. Its true what you say ... some things may not need to be said, in order to be understood. @Faith-and-Hope I really wish I could take away your pain and suffering ... take your current 'low' and bring on a 'high'. If anyone deserves peace ... its you. I hope you have that soon.
@Sans911 ... thanks for hearing me. As I said to BlueBay yesterday, that is a real biggie for me .. to be heard, when most in need. To scream for help, only for nobody to hear, is horrible. I'm sorry Sans that you have felt much of what I am now. Its interesting that you say you dont know me very well, but would like to. 🙏 I suspect nobody knows the real me, only a very small piece of me .. the piece of me that I am prepared to expose to the virtual world. I suspect, like most people here, there are many parts of us that will never see the light of day here. Yes my mind is in a dark and scary place right now .. in fact it often is. Yes I feel very alone sometimes and lost. Though part of being alone is self inflicted, part of it is self preservation due to Mr Sherry's treatment and demands. Its a good thing therefore that I'm very much a loner, an introvert. Yeah I was away from the forums for about 3 weeks I think. Thats not long, and I feel I have settled back in pretty well. Members and Managers have been very kind and accommodating about that. Yes @Sans911 , I am happy to tag you when I post here ... but there is of course no obligation to respond. Thank you. 💕
Thanks @Maggie .. my always supportive and comforting long time friend. You say a lot in few, if any, words. Thanks for always being around, sometimes to the fore, sometimes in the background. But always there! 🙏🌺 I am always grateful for your presence.
@eth .. thank you. My response to you can be covered mostly by my reply to @Faith-and-Hope and @Sans911 , as well as my opening paragraph on this post. Like you, I believe I have good connections with quite a few other members too. Its just ... well .. sometimes I wish I had the closeness that some others obviously have. But there again, when I think more about it .. that isnt really me. I'm not a gushy sort of person, I prefer to keep people at arms length ... I dont encourage really close friendships of any type. I dont like to 'crowd' people or 'force' myself on anyone. I really am just a 'fringe dweller' of life in general I guess. Not really living ... merely an observer. If I'm fair to myself ... I think I am a very good observer. I see things others often dont, and sense things others usually miss. Some would just say that I'm too sensitive. Thats probably true too. But thank you Eth, for being here and for caring. Your advice is always sound, well constructed and based on experience. You are a real asset to have on the forums. 💓
Ohhh ... no no no @Former-Member ... you never made me think that you didnt care. Please dont think that. And no, it isnt at all selfish to withdraw when you need to. Its called 'self care' I believe? 😉 You are correct in that it can be a battle to keep up with everyone here that we care about. There seems to be more and more members lately too. Mostly I have pretty good memory retention as to what most are up to and where they're at. I do read very widely, though dont always comment/post. You said you sometimes feel like a leper here. That saddens me greatly that you feel that way. I will also state that I dont believe my association with you (as my friend and someone I care about) has anything to do with how I'm seen here. And if it did ... then that would be someone elses problem .. not mine and not yours. I would not give up a friendship with you to make things easier for me. You know thats not something I'd do. I care about you EOR and I like you. End of story. Now ... remember that you are an awesome and precious being, and you deserve to be appreciated for the person you are. I did see my psych yesterday ... I will write more about that later, once I finish all my responses to old posts. 💕💕🤗🤗
Okay thats it for now ... hubby awake so I have to go. I will try to catch up with the rest later this arvo.
Sherry 🌺
