Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

[CheerBear]

Sending you so much love @Former-Member 😔

[outlander]

@Former-Member 🌻🌷💞

[Faith-and-Hope]

💜 @Former-Member 

[Former-Member]

@Faith-and-Hope @outlander @CheerBear @Former-Member @Shaz51 @Owlunar @BlueBay @Zoe7 @Snowie @eth  ... I hope I havent missed anyone who replied to me tonight.  I just wanted to thank you all.

Mr Sherry has been nice to me tonight.  I think he knows he has pushed me too far ... near breaking point. He relies on me, and needs me to be here for him.  So he backs off, giving a temporary short respite. Recharging his batteries for the next time.  He is very unwell, it saddens me greatly.

There is so much I feel I need to talk about, but unfortunately I cant here. I spoke to my psych earlier today ... she rang me after an earlier email exchange.  She wants to see me tomorrow in her office.  She has sold her business, but its not finalised until end of June.

You all had lovely kind words about me. I appreciate that .. I really do. But the way I see things ... I am not valued here or anywhere else; I am a disappointment and a failure both here and everywhere else; I am not valuable nor precious to anyone either here or in real life. Thats just how I see things right now.

I am merely tolerated here .. nothing more and nothing less. I'm not really wanted here, that much I know.  I'm a bit like a whacky relative whom everyone is kinda fond of and is therefore kind to.  But I'm not special to anybody.  Most of you have really strong bonds and connections with at least one other special person here.  I dont have that, though I thought once that I did ... In reality, I'm just a fringe dweller .. on the outside looking in. Thats nothing new to me, and mostly thats just fine.  Sometimes though, I really just want someone to care about ME ... who I am, what I am ... and the things that I go through.  I want to be heard and understood. I need a voice, which I dont feel I have.  I want to be told that one day everything will be okay.  

Sherry 😧 💔

[outlander]

Your special to me. I care very much about you, for wh oo you are as a person @Former-Member definently not someone on the outside or that whacky relative. Your well and truley ingrained into my forum family 💖

[Faith-and-Hope]

Yep, not a "whacky relative" @Former-Member, unless of course we are all "whacky relatives" ..... cos we love you for who you are, and love having you chatting with here, or on other threads across the forums.

I am in a bit of a "low" at the moment ...,. "bit of" is a bit dodgy too ..... so I go quieter, but I am still here, and listening to you for what you can talk about here.  Not all things need to be said, and we know you well enough to be able to read between the lines.  We know you are in great pain, and carrying a load in those broad shoulders of yours ..... so please, just hang in there and keep taking the best care you can of yourself on the rough road you're walking there.

💜 @Former-Member 

[Sans911]

I hear you @Former-Member. I really do. I'm sorry you feel so worthless and helpless. Much of what you describe I've felt the same. I don't know you very well but I like you, and I want to know more about you. But I know pretty much no matter what any one says here, your mind is in a dark, scary place and you possibly feel very alone and very lost. Give it some time because you have been away from here for a while. People are getting used to having you around again, and other people that don't know you well might want to get to know you better. Could you please tag me in your posts?

I'm off to sleep but I just wanted to drop by here. Your pain is valid, and yes do deserve to have a voice and be heard and understood.

[Maggie]

@Former-Member  💙💙💙

[eth]

s from me too @Former-Member   I'm sorry to hear how you're feeling, what your thinking is around being here.  I very much appreciate and value your presence, as with several others I see here.  I don't have a really frequent dialogue with a particular person here these days either, but I still have really good connections with quite a few people and we catch up when we can.  You are heard and seen by many more than you realise I think.  Sending my warmest wishes.  You were very missed when you took your step away recently and many of us were really happy to see you return.  xoxo

[Former-Member]

I'm sorry @Former-Member 😢

You give so much here, maybe too much for the likes of me who has learnt not to get too close to anyone. I'm sorry if I made you feel I don't care. I did notice you've been super quiet, and glad I came looking for you this morning. I get very selfish and withdrawn I know, but I to work hard at answering personal messages that talk too me, that I'm tagged in, that's all I can handle most days. I'm so  sorry you feeling left out too. I'm thinking it's just the nature of online chat forums. It takes a lot of hard work to maintain connections, keep up with everyone's journey... I can't do it half as God as so many here, guess not being a reader doesn't help, and eye strain is an issue cause all I have is this tiny mobile phone. I donno, excuses I guess. I'm so sorry I let you down. Or made you feel like a fringe dweller. If it's any consolation, I feel like a leper and honestly believe you have a better chance of getting on with the others if you're not seen to associate with me. I'm a disappointment to many. Life can make us feel that way, disconnected and unworthy... But then, out of the blue some mornings come where the sun shines bright and the air is so fresh and the birds, they just keep singing. I open the curtain and the    autumn leaves glisten in the gentle breeze with dewdops,  I take a deep breath and smile and gratitude. For a brief moment I realise it's ok to stand alone, just me and God who must love me to give me this one  expanding moment to strengthen my heart, to take with me to face the day. 

Hang in there Sherry, you need a break and I hope your psych can help find a way. If not I pray nature can make you feel worthy like it has me this morning. You are precious, you do belong, interaction with people isn't everything. You are enough without us too. Please be strong. I've been where you are, it's aweful, but trust me - it will pass and there will be powerful moments of joy and self discovery you'll be glad you waited for. Hugz and hugz precious lady 💌

🍁🕊️🌞💙💐💐💐💐💐💐