Let`s talk about Bipolar

[Shaz51]

@bipolarbunny 

Come and meet some wonderful  members  @Meowmy , @Former-Member , @Dimity , @greenpea , @Olga 

[Dimity]

@Shaz51 work was stressful and took a physical toll. but it was intellectually challenging and very satisfying. I was lucky to be given latitude to start late and finish late. When I was being bullied by team members  and quite unwell physically my GP at the time pressured me into early retirement. My super is enough to live on. But I'm just marking time, with no social connections and no transport. I took myself off a very high dosage of antidepressants as I also take medication for a couple of other conditions. I'd now  find it impossible to work with a shifted sleep cycle and relying on public transport. I don't recommend early retirement to anyone without social support, whose work is their only connection. The only plus is that it's lowered my anxiety.

[Shaz51]

Hugs @Dimity 

Yes with us Mr shaz can not work in a job anymore so we turned to being self employed which still has ups an downs but is better 

My husband  wants to retire early , but hoping he will keep going , we have cut back to cope more 

[Former-Member]

I don't work @Shaz51 

[Former-Member]

@greenpea  For me, I have bp11 (the 'mild' one) I have panic disorder PTSD and aspects of paranoia. I do dissociate sometimes.  I have the support of my hubby.  We are all very different and I do really struggle not taking anything apart from a sedative when I have to. I don't have the threat of my children being taken away from me as they are adults.  Also I don't have psychosis. Or anything else more serious.  

But I know that if I get worse I would have to take meds. 

I have recently been diagnosed with a brain Anuerysm and I have decided to do a watch and wait with that also. It is a stress that I would have not preferred to have, and if it's grown in by January next year it will have to be removed, but it is also my reason not to take anything that could worsen it. Please take care 💗🌺

[Dimity]

Self employment sounds a gòod option @Shaz51 , hope it works out well for Mr Shaz. 

[Mazarita]

@Former-Member I tend to think bipolar does need lifelong medication because of it's strongly genetic and biological causes. Totally agree that the side effects are serious and can make some things worse, especially including physical health.

I tried last year to completely come off anti-depressants after decades of taking them. It was an awfully rough ride for about three months but I stuck to the time without them (agreed to by my psychiatrist) because I thought I was having withdrawal symptoms and would eventually get past them. I didn't get past them and just kept going downhill.

My GP and psychiatrist both think that the marked worsening of my condition at that time was a flare up of the mood instability and anger that I get with unmedicated depression. I have since started a new anti-depressant. My psychiatrist and I are working from a low sub-clinical dose that can rise as needed, while trying to keep the dose as small as it can possibly be, to minimise the side effects.

I am really interested to hear about your experience of managing bipolar without meds.

[Mazarita]

Hi everyone, so great to read all the many responses to this thread. Great idea, @Shaz51. Thank you for starting this. 

Wanted to leave a link to a web page at the Black Dog Institute that talks of the causes of bipolar. The Black Dog Institute is a major Australian research organisation for mood disorders and a very reliable source for information. Here is a quote that has stuck in my mind since I first read it some time ago:

"Bipolar disorder is frequently inherited, with genetic factors accounting for approximately 80% of the cause of the condition. Bipolar disorder is the most likely psychiatric disorder to be passed down from family."

https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/resources-support/bipolar-disorder/causes/

From reading this it struck me that bipolar seems to be the most strongly genetic/biological mental illness. It helps me to know this. Knowing my mental illness is arising in large measure from genetics, I am less inclined to blame myself for all the dysfunctions in my life throughout the decades since childhood. It helps lessen my own sense of failure for still struggling with it in a big way after 30 years of psychiatry, psychology and other support. 

The good news is my life is definitely better now than in my 20s, the suffering much less acute and extremely painful for for all this support I have had. For that I am very grateful.

@Meowmy @Klutz @Former-Member @HenryX @greenpea @SJT63 @Olga @Appleblossom @Dimity @frog @eth.

[HenryX]

@Mazarita 

Hello Mazarita,

Thank you for your note:

“Let's talk about Bipolar” Page 1.

The "step incident" was, I think, just the awareness from prior experience that the downs are followed by ups and vice versa.

In another thread, I had said that at the very low points I would look forward, with anticipation of the up or high. So 'looking upward with anticipation' to counter the 'looking downward with fear' aspect.

Your reference to your father sounds eerily close to mine. My father would ignore me, literally walking through the space that I had occupied, because I would have to move to avoid being steam-rolled. This would be his manner for weeks at a time. During that time he would not talk to me or make any reference to me. It was as though, for him, I did not exist. Most, and I would really say, all the time I would not know the reason, if there ever was a reason for this behaviour toward me.

Often I would wish that I could die. My thoughts were that if I could die doing something worthwhile, then my life would have some meaning or purpose. This was during my school years and to some degree, those thoughts have persisted during my adult years.

I have commented that later on, one of the major reasons for not more deeply considering this option was the possible effect that it would have on my children.

Today has been a day of reflection because the power was off from 7.30 am to 6.00 pm, for work to be done by the power company. So an enforced day of no 'distraction'.

During my meditation, I have been "flushing" the feelings of physical & emotional pain, anxiety, sadness, self-criticism, grief, fear, anger, & disappointment. My aim is to minimise those aspects in my life without removing awareness of the events, so that I can still make use of the lessons learned from the events.

This is the first time, that I can recall, that I have openly referred to a lot of those feelings. I was 27 when a counsellor asked me what my feelings were about a particular subject, to which I responded

"I think that....." and she interjected saying "No I am asking you how you feel, not what you think". Even then the difference between feelings and thoughts was not entirely clear to me.

"Children don't have feelings, do they."

Other Related Comments

I have tried to wean myself off medication also with the same result as you have had. Not good. However, it is possible that medication, other than the antidepressant that I take, may be better for me.

I've downloaded the Black Dog Institute material, and now need to go through it.

I can certainly identify with not feeling “any real state of wellness mentally, nor functional with school or work.” during my life from childhood when I was constantly asking myself “Why do I seem different from...” my peer group, among whom I was not readily accepted. However, there can be many other reasons for the answers to that question.

I don't know enough about bipolar to make an informed comment about genetic connections, but as my father is said (unconfirmed but from a normally reliable source) to have suffered bipolar, and I have a range of symptoms that seem to correlate with the symptom range of bipolar, I would think the connection, generally, is likely.

I will check out the two names that you suggested. I am aware of Jung, but not very familiar with his work, but I didn't know of James.

Appreciate the discussion with You All

Thank you @Mazarita and everyone else for the insight, information and discussion.

With Best Wishes

HenryX

[Olga]

@ Dimity, I work only 2 days a week now, always same hours, a job where I don't have to think much and no pressure. That suits me but I often miss my former job which had lots of pressure but also more variety.