Hi, New To This

[Jesse2]

Hey, I'm completely new to this and I thought why not let's give it a go. I'm a university student, who has severe depression and anxiety. I have had these for as long as I can remember but I've never really talked about it to anyone. Yeah, sure I've had therpy and counseling, but nothing really seems to be working. Ive been on basic medication for about half a year now, and I've had my doseage increased multiple times and had my medication changed to the next strongest one recently. I have been having a really tough time of it recently if i were to tell the truth. I want to think that everything is normal and I'm not crazy. But I can't stop myself from feeling this way even when I put it into perspecitive. My family has tried to be supportive of me, but I can tell that they're unsure of what to do and how to handle everything about me. My boyfriend seems like my rock, but I keep on screwing everything up recently. I know I can't help it, but I just keep on hitting myself for being so stupid and saying things that I know will get him angry. Maybe behind it all, I'm just a scared little girl who just wants to be like everyone else and not have a care in the world, apart from who got kicked off of the x-factor. I always find myself saying sorry for everything, even if I didn't do anything at all. It just seems like everything is all my fault and I'm the one to be blamed. I guess you never really know what life's going to throw at you, until you're there in the middle of it all.

[Sans911]

@Jesse2- first of all welcome to the forums. This a really great, safe and non judgemental place to be & I'm sure you will fit right in.

I'm sorry to hear you seem to be struggling so much. Sounds like your emotions are all over the place, you have lots of expectations of how things should be and you sound pretty stressed as you have a lot on your plate. Even without mental illness, what is' normal' anyway? We are all different and unique individuals with our experiences and ways of dealing with life. Recovery from mental illness is a lot of trying to find the right balance & that takes time.

I sure not everything is your fault, and your quite young so you're also trying to find your place in the world. I'm not sure if you've discussed these issues you have in therapy, but have looked at any coping strategies for when everything seems out of control?

[Jesse2]

Hey, thanks. Yeah I guess no one is really "normal". I understand the different strategies to control myself, but 9 times out of 10 they go out of the window.

[Sans911]

@Jesse2 - yes, I'm not perfect either with my coping strategies. But it's a work in progress and I keep trying over & over again. And then occasionally I get it right once, twice or more. Learning about your 'triggers' is really important, as when you have more understanding of them, and how and when they happen, you can better control your emotions and your reactions.

[Jesse2]

Yeah I think that's were I need more understanding .

[Sans911]

@Jesse2 - it takes time to learn about ourselves when we are unwell. It's taken me almost a lifetime (I'm 47) to begin to understand what I react and behave the way I do, how ineffective some of that has been, and try to relearn better strategies. You have a huge head start.

[Jesse2]

I think that's the most important part as long as you know what and why you can try and strategies specifically for that situation.

[Sans911]

@Jesse2 - see, you just learnt something there right away. By the way, so I can follow you, or if you want to chat with me specifically, you need to tag me, like this @Sans911. That way I will get a notification. Have you checked out any other threads yet? Besides some of the more serious threads,there's threads called Especially Cats, Especially Butterflies, Writing as a form of Therapy. There's lots of young people in the forums too, like @outlander, @Hamsolo01s. I've tagged them now so I'm so sure they will drop by and say hello. Both are lovely, smart and kind people as is everyone else.

[BambiFawn]

Hi dear @Jesse2, 

Welcome to the sane.org Forum. It is a wonderful place to meet friends and chat and get support.

[outlander]

Hello @Jesse2 and welcome to the forums 🙂

Happy to chat anytime 🙂 ive got to head out now but will be back later.

@MDT the tag above didn't work so just retagging you as @Sans911 is out today