G'day from WA

[DownMoreThanUp]

Hi all,

i'm a 64 year old male and have been diagnosed with Schizo effective disorder, and .P.T.S.D, from a sexual attack at 11, and near murder, and have suffered from clinical depression for most of my life, as well as suffered multiple psychoses, and hospitalizations.

i have often suffered suicidal depression, especially trying out new AD's, and before doctors realised that combo medications like anti-psychotics with AD's added, were very dangerous for me. (Always make sure that other loved ones are monitoring you as you try out new medications, for the wrong ones can have shocking effects, at times, within hours of taking them.)

Anyhow the last 10 years i have improved enormously psychosis wise. Good counseling where i was taught to let go of the bad life, my trauma memories brought up, in little bits, by little bits, rather than be overrun by the enormity, FULL LOAD, of such stored up bad life.

i found that although my strict religious upbringing made suffering a depressive illness much worse, that nevertheless faith in God's love, without the any more (religious) demands, is the very best way for me to survive my bad times.

Holding onto my identity, through applying love, has been by far the most powerful healing i have experienced.  For loving myself where i hated myself before, rather than, either excusing myself being horrible person raging, or scolding and despising myself for being such a horrible person, and instead letting love undo the bad moments, and replace them with good moments instead. This has done absolutely amazing miracles in my life.

Incredible what applying love, compassion, care, kindness, to oneself can do, when we are, in the often loveless, grip of depression. i do know that love is the most powerful force again despair, sadness, hopelessness, anger, guilt, shame and fear one could possible utilize fighting any feelings of unworthiness, lovelessness, self hate, anger, rage, anxiety, bitterness, or the likes.

Have a great day.

Some great impressions of the battles we face suffering from P.T.S.D, Depression, and/or psychosis. i think they are all by the great artist Inktober.

[Ru-bee]

Hello and welcome @DownMoreThanUp 

Thank you so much for sharing your story here. I'm so glad that you've felt this was a safe space to do this.

It's wonderful to hear what a positive effect that you've felt extending love, care and compassion towards yourself. I know that's not always an easy thing to do and takes real work, but as you've said, it can be a very healing thing.

Thank you for also sharing these drawings that resonated with you. Do you draw yourself?

[DownMoreThanUp]

Good meeting you here.

i have been searching for a place i can resonate with people, rather than be the odd one out. i hope this forum can serve that purpose.

No i'm not much of a drawer, but i do like writing poems, about my faith, and surviving depression, anxiety, and psychosis, in particular.

i'll share you one;

Loving Grows Good Life.

The pain of depression
is not only the fact
that my good life is gone,
much worse is seeing
bad life, inside, enjoy,
tearing me apart!

For the sorrow of depression,
are the lies ruling me hurt,
rendering life an abomination,
which brings me my desolation,
all that bad life living within me,
dumping my in that bloody pit.

For the hopelessness of depression,
always floods fully over me,
when i'm overwhelmed,
by the darkness pressing,
me down into that hole,
so lonely and forsaken.

Yet the way out of depression,
is to heed the voice of love,
denying that bad life pressing,

ruling those painful lies hurting,

heeding love, nurturing good life instead,

growing stronger than pain brings to bear

[MJG017]

Welcome to the forum @DownMoreThanUp, what an amazing post you've shared!  To have such unimaginable trauma at such a young age and work so hard to find the peace and love that you have is inspiring.   There are lessons there for all of us I think.  I took took many years, decades even, to start trying to stop listening to all those negative thoughts about myself, holding myself responsible for everything that was bad and start to believe that it was possible to 'come out of hiding' and connect with people in a positive way.  While I can't really identify with what you went through as a child, who could?, but you're not alone here so welcome to the group and thanks again for sharing your story.

[DownMoreThanUp]

Thanks. Nice meeting you here.

[RachSANECEO]

Welcome to our recovery community and thanks for sharing your story with us.

[DownMoreThanUp]

i saw i transgressed tons of forum rules, although unwittingly. i did look at the rules, but did not think, what i did, would be seen as wrong. E.g, sharing resources, gained information to aid in suffering, and art, especially about my personal suffering as a mentally ill person, would be rejected. Hopefully i learn the ropes

[Glisten]

Hello 👋🏼 @DownMoreThanUp  there are a few of us here in WA in Forumland.

Nice art.

G