Finally! I told my husband about my sexual abuse. Treating me different

[Agirlhasnoname]

A secret I once thought I’d take to the grave with me I’ve finally opened up about.

I was sexually abused by 2 family members. I told my everything husband 3 days ago and he’s the only person that know. Before telling him I said “please don’t treat me different after this” and he is.

Hubby is a very sexual person and if he wants sex he’ll just ask me and normally he wants sex all the time. Daily if he could. Since I told him my story there has been no mention of sex, sexual jokes, sexual innuendos, nothing. Even during the night he usually rub my leg or put his leg on mine. He’s done nothing. Won’t touch me. Unless I touch him first sexually. 

How do I make him comfortable with me again?

[Zoe7]

Just as it has taken you this long to tell someone @Agirlhasnoname your husband may need some time to process it all himself. It is not a refelction on you but what you have devulged to him. He needs time to understand as it is really big news for him to hear. It seems like you have a very good relationship with him so ask him openly and honestly how he is feeling about what you told him. It is pretty big news to tell someone and you need to expect a reaction - his may be keeping a little distance as he does not know what to say or how to support you - that is common and also understandable. 

I can also understand how you did not want things to change but the expectations we have and the reality is often so different. You have shown immense strength and courage to tell you husband what happened - now use that same strength to approach him and see how he is feeling. There are two of you in this now and you need to work through the emotions and thoughts you are both having.

[Shaz51]

@Agirlhasnoname, ae you able to say what you what your husband to do for you and what yu can ot handle xx

[Ali11]

Thanks for sharing your story @Agirlhasnoname, how is everything at home now? Have things improved? 

[BlueBay]

Hi @Agirlhasnoname 

I’m sorry you’re going through this tough time at the moment with your hubby. 

I too was sexually abused as a child by three different guys neighbour uncle and brother. When I finally got the courage to tell my husband our sex life changed. But it was me. I was having flashbacks and couldn’t stand having sex. We’re still struggling but I also thi I it’s my meds and menopause as well as my trauma thst has affected me. 

I think your hubby needs time to digest what you’ve told him. It would be a shock to him. With time and reassurance from you I’m sure things will wirk out. 

Take care ❤️