Battling MI whilst caring for someone with MI

[Bella1978]

hey @utopia

lovely to hear from you *hugs*

well done on getting through the day, and im sorry to hear you had a high anxiety day. do you find after you have had full on anxiety you end up crying as a release? today i had anxiety on and off and then tonight just started crying, it actually helped.

haha - glad to hear the grass and weeks are no longer past ur bum! at times with mental illness, and also with caring for others, it is hard to keep on top of all the maintenance at home. seeing it pile up can cause anxiety (for me anyway). my mum is the same re: anxiety when there is a stranger in the house. we have 'home help' once a fortnight, ie a lady comes to vacuum and mop our home. mum is very comfortable with her as she has been coming for a long time but if she is unwell or on holidays they send someone else, mum not too keen on that though.

im glad tomorrow will be a less anxiety day for you. do you many plans for tomorrow?

yes, i live with my mum. she said she will see him, but i'll believe it when i see it lol ... i just cant trust everything she says at the moment, and i hate saying that, but its true.

i go with mum to all of her appointments, and her docs and specialists know that i am her carer, so i always go in with her. at her psych though, he will see my mum on her own, and then sometimes see me on my own or with mum. when she has gone to hospital, i dont give the docs a choice, i just butt in and take over lol ... its too overwhelming for mum, and she doesnt remember all the medications she is on, etc. ive actually got a folder called "mum's health" where i keep all her stuff. she has her own little secretary. haha

i hope you dont have as many hospital stays this year as you did last year. always nicer to be in your own home, and sleep on your own bed!

how are you feeling this evening? how is your mum?

x

[utopia]

@Bella1978. Your mum is very lucky to have you. It's good to have an advocate helping with all the appointments. When I first got sick, my mum acted as my advocate because I wasn't able. Now my psychologist monitors me and tells me when it's time for hospital.
No I don't cry after high anxiety. I find it very hard to cry at any time. I'm pretty numb. But I will sleep for more than 12 hours. I always do after a stressful event or day. And I often have no energy the next day. Feel like I've been hit by a bus. Very strange.
I don't have any plans this week, except my psychologist appointment. Just take it easy as usual. What about you? You have any plans?

[Bella1978]

@utopia

hey sweets, im just about to hit the sack, is it okay if i respond to your message tomorrow? i prefer to send a decent message rather than a half arsed one when im half asleep hehe

[utopia]

No problem at all @Bella1978. You never need to ask. Respond when you can or uf you want to, to any post.
Sweet dreams.

[Bella1978]

@utopia

hey sweets, how has your day been? hopefully better than mine lol

that is good that your mum was able to be your advocate when you needed her. it sounds like you have a trusting relationship with your psychologist which is really good.

my mum hardly ever cries too. do you think it may be from meds you take? the amount of meds im on im surprised i cry lol ... but hooly dooly, once they start they no want to stop sometimes hehe!

wow, even after you have a big sleep like that you dont feel refreshed? actually, come to think of it, i know that if i sleep too much i feel worse the next day. but sometimes we need that extra rest.

no concrete plans. i took mum to psych today. she said she'd go, i made appt, then said she wouldn't go, i called my uncle and he came over and she listened to him. i feel like chop liver atm lol. anyway we went there, he gave her another medication to take with her AD but basically, her version is different to my version. she doesnt see that she is depressed and the psych doesnt see it either. both me and my uncle can see a difference in her. but basically we have to wait for her to get worse or until she accepts that she needs help. im exhausted!

im thinking i should probably go see my counsellor this week, there is also an 'expressive therapy' support group thing on thursday through an agency called 'helping minds' - they help people who are caring for someone with MI. i may just go to that, get myself out of the house. another thing i thought of today is that i need to keep myself occupied so i dont focus on mum too much.

do you have hobbies that you enjoy? how are you feeling tonight?

x

[utopia]

@Bella1978. 'Expressive Therapies' - I wonder what they do in that class. I think it would be good to get out of the house and do things for yourself. And meeting other carers where you can chat face to face and share experiences could be good too.
Today I felt like a truck had hit me. I had no energy. Hard just to walk to the bathroom ir kitchen and then back to bed. But it always happens after high anxiety. I'm normally able to avoid high anxiety situations. But some are thrust on you.
I used to have hobbies before I got sick. I usedto have an iimmaculate garden. I grew a lot if my own fruit and vegetables. I really enjoyed doing that. But since being sick - I just don't have that deep desire any more.
I read a lot. Especially about Aboriginal History and Culture. So I am trying to learn more about the first peoples that once lived in my area. I enjoy researching that, but my memory is no good now. Some things I'll remember, but a lot I forget parts of. Very frustrating.
My psychologist wants me to start going back to the mountain where I used to find peace. It's not far from me. But I haven't been for over a year. I'm not sure what's holding me back.
I'm glad to hear your mum did eventually go to see her psych. Even if you had to get your uncle to help.
You say she doesn't recognise that she has depression. Is she taking her anti depressants then? Is the new medication an anti anxiety med or an anti psychotic med? They often use those with anti depressants, depending on the person.

[Bella1978]

@utopia

hey sweets *hugs*

how are you?

ooh, in the expressive therapy class it is based on doing arts/crafts i think and there are other people there who are carers. its a support group but not the typical one where we all sit around in a circle.

oh no luv, im so sorry you had such a bad day yesterday. ah ok, the anxiety really takes it out of you, doesnt it? it is so mentally consuming and also takes it out of us physically. we spend so much energy trying to get ontop of the anxiety we have no energy left for anything else! it is so freaking exhausting.

i agree, there are things in life where we can avoid high amounts of stress but life has other plans sometimes which makes it very hard. we all have daily stressors, and we all have a certain threshold as to what we can comfortably deal with but when we are pushed over the edge, it is hard to get back to our safe zone. i understand and feel for you luv.

do you have anything you would like to perhaps get involved in luv? nothing too strenuous but to perhaps dip your feet into to see if you like? well done on the reading though. knowledge is never wasted. and it sounds very interesting what you are learning too. i have to admit my memory is a bit bleh at the best of times. if i dont write something down there is a big chance i will forget! and when i study, i read and reread to make sure it sinks in and then make notes lol. i completed a cert 3 in community services last year and this year have enrolled in a diploma of counselling - it is all online and is self paced - there is no end date so minimal stress. havent done any for a while though, would like to get back into it again.

interesting that you dont want to go back to the mountain ... have you tried journalling, brainstorming to see what is holding you back?

as for mama, yes she does take her anti depressants. her new med is an anti psychotic. she had been on one for a very long time but she started getting a tremor in her hands and she was taking a very low dose. last year mum had a lot of physical health problems, and ongoing problems with my older sister, which affected her mentally. not sure what the trigger was this time around.

ive decided to pull back and give her space. do my thing and let her just do her thing.

what do you have planned for today luv? it is already 12.30 over here in WA. ive done one valuable thing - ring telstra to get our home phone sorted. and now im back in bed online hehe ... i feel like having a day of nothing to be honest. my body is saying 'NO NO NO!' 

looking forward to hearing from you xx

ooh, do you enjoy colouring in? i find that relaxing, but i love doing arts and crafts too. i have posted some pics of my mosaics in my thread in the carers forum and in the crafts thread on this forum

ok, be good and chat soon!

xxx

[utopia]

It's 3.15 here @Bella1978.
I liked how you expressed the stress we all go through and our coping level. You have a way with words. Your Writing what I mean to say.
Glad your mum is willingly taking her meds. They may take some weeks before they show any effect.
Wow a cert 3 in community and now counseling. That sounds really good. Is that the sort of area you would like to wirk in, in the future? I think we need more people in the industry who have personal experience in mental illness, disability, hardship. I think they tend to make the best counselors. So good on you.
Expressive Therapy class sounds great. I guess it's getting in touch with your feelings and then creating. I did really enjoy Art Therapy when I was in hospital. I don't have a creative bone in my body. My drawings or paintings are stuck at about a grade 3 level. But I love looking at art work. I know what I like.
I hope you create lots of amazing things, that help you get in touch with yourself and are also pleasing for the eye.
When I'm a bit 'restless' I occasionally colour in. Not often though.
I don't really know what would interest me at the moment. I wish I did. But nothing really 'grabs me'.
I think I'm very much in a sort of denial - with regards to my feelings. I can say I'm happy, sad, irritated. But I don't seem to have a lot of other emotions. I guess I still hide them deep down somewhere, to not cause me pain. I don't know. It's a hard one.
I had my case manager come today for an hour. We walked around the yard to see what has been done, & what I'll have to do myself. Overgrown fruit trees need pruning.
Went to the shops, butcher, chemist and have spent the rest of the day reading the book I ordered, that arrived yesterday. It's a copy of an old book that was published in the late 1800's about the Aboriginals of Victoria (mainly) & a few other states. Am loving it.
I think it's good your having a relaxing day in bed. We all need them from time to time.
Enjoy the rest of your afternoon.

[Bella1978]

Hey @utopia

I probably express my words well cause I talk a lot lol 😊

I find when mum’s mental health is in check I cope much better. I can handle things cropping up with her physical health but struggle when it’s MI. and that is something I know I need to work on as it affects my mental health quite dramatically which then makes if worse for mum and then worse for me … I think you get the picture! Hehe

Yes, she is willing to take her meds which is a relief. Just have to see how she goes day by day with the anti psychotic she has now been prescribed. ive pulled back today which has been good for both of us i think.

I do enjoy studying, especially as I am now being a carer. I look at studying as something I can do for myself. I used to work as legal secretary/paralegal and then a bookkeeper. Actually, the reason I did my cert 3 in community is cause I finished a medical reception course and thought I’d study whilst looking for work. After mum got ill last year, I put job looking on hold and focused on my studies. I wanted to do counselling to help me in my personal life, eg interacting with others and learning about ourselves. I can see myself working in that area, but perhaps more along the lines of a career counsellor. I’ll probably be 50 by the time I finish my course though (im turning 40 in 10 days – scary stuff!) I agree, having personal experience plus the theory enables us to relate to people who are in need much better. ooh, you used to work in aged care, didnt you? tell me about that, did you enjoy it? how long did you work in that area for?

Haha – I cant paint either luv. I have tried different things, eg short courses, workshops to see what I am interested in. Ive tried sewing, soap making, mosaicing, and self taught beaded jewellery, and from there decided what I was actually interested in. sometimes you have to try a few things. ooh, have you tried pottery? That’s some messy fun lol

You’re great with your reading though. I had planned to go to the therapy group tomorrow but think I will give it a miss. I have some other stuff I need to do plus I can do some mosaicing at home. I will put my name down for next month though.

I am the same, I am sometimes reluctant to allow myself to deal with what is going on in my head as it is opening a pandora’s box sometimes, and ive found from past experience, therapy is so draining and I need to be in the right headspace. So far the one counselling session has been ok though as its focusing on what is going on now, not my past. My way of coping with emotions is emotional eating, and I know I do it. im good during the day but night time (and during the night) is my downfall. it is something I want to work on as it is not healthy, and ive put on weight *sigh* we all have coping strategies – some are healthy and unfortunately, some are unhealthy. We also tend to wear a mask around others, we can put on a brave face but deep down we feel different. It’s only those closest to us that we feel we can take that mask off. Do you journal at all? I find that helps me.

That’s awesome about your case manager coming around. Do you enjoy the company? how often does s/he come over? And you have been busy by the sounds of it – well done.

Oh yeah, I had intentions of staying in bed all day, but then found things that needed doing lol

Sorry this is such a long message. Im sitting here procrastinating and though I’d send you a nice loooooooong message 😊 cause I’m special.

Hope your arvo has been nice and you have been doing some self care.

xxx

[utopia]

I don't mind a long mess message @Bella1978.
Case Manager comes once a week. Normally we go walking - to get me moving. But some days like today, I just want to sit and talk. Lol. I'm a big talker too.
40 in ten days. Brilliant! I'm 47. 48 later in the year. And like you I eat wrong foods and heaps of it. Plus my old bourbon and coke diet didn't help. I've gained so much weight in the past 3 to 4 years. I've never been so big and heavy.
Doesn't matter if you're 50 before you start your next career. I'm thinking of going back to study. Doing an Arts Degree majoring in Aboriginal Studies & either sociology or anthropology. I might start mid year. So I probably wouldn't finish Uni until I'm well into my 50's. More like 55. As I only want to study part time. And it means studying at a small Uni about 40 minutes away plus doing the Aboriginal course modules at a Uni in Melbourne. A long drive away.
No I don't journal. I've tried before. Not a fan. But I know heaps of people who swear by it. Do you journal every day or only sometimes? Itthink it would be interesting to look back on previous years journals - if I did it.
I've never tried mosaics. I did try lead lighting though. Wasn't very good. Pottery I would like to try. I should look up in the big towns and see where it's offered.
I did Aged Care from when I was 18 through til 26. Then again in my early 30's. But mainly I do medical reception, medical administration. My last job was medical Administration for a Mental Health service. Lol. And that's where I had my breakdown after an incident at work. Go figure.
Hopefully I'll be able to work again before the year is out. Not sure what I'll do. But it must be a safe workplace. No physical or verbal violence. But I'm still on a medical certificate for Centrelink and WorkCover til the end of next month and then I'm reviewed again. So have to wait and see.
My little dog (I have 2 - 1 big 1 little) is sick. She just opened her bowels on the floor. Very upset tummy. Thank God for floorboards. Easy to clean up. Lol.
Do you have any pets? Kids? Partner?
I have a teenage boy. 2 dogs. No fella
.