Awareness of Women's Mental Health

[Shaz51]

I agree that letting go is really important.  But the question remains :

How Do We Let Go????? very important question @utopia

Hello @Owlunar, @BlueBay, @Razzle, @Sophia1

yes I was mentally /emotionally abused whhen i was young , even though mum and I left but my dad kept on rejecting me until 11 years ago when he passed away

still keeps popping up in  my dreams and my mind @outlander

[Jumpingcactus]

@Razzle How are you going? I was wondering if you find your counselling helpful. 

[Jumpingcactus]

@Razzle Oh wow, my heart aches after reading your post. Your in the right place here for people to listen to you and support you and I for one am here for you. 

[Shaz51]

hello @Jumpingcactus, how are you today

[Jumpingcactus]

@Shaz51 Hi, thanks for asking. I’m not feeling the best and had a bit of an emotional feeling day. Waiting for the emotional pain to go away when I finally fall asleep, at least when I’m asleep my mind is partially at rest. I get comfort knowing people here are all here because they can talk about there deepest emotions. 

[Shaz51]

hugs @Jumpingcactus and sitting with you

[Jumpingcactus]

@Shaz51 Thanks for that hug, I needed it. ❤️

[utopia]

@Shaz51. So when those memories arise now,  do you still feel that intense sense of abandonment?  Or pain?  Or is it less now - more just a sadness for what wasn't and what was?  I think that's all I feel now about my childhood. 

[Shaz51]

I still feel that intense sense of abandonment? @utopia, even after my dad passed away , before then I always tried to be the good daughter, but he kept on rejecting me , yes it coud be sadness too

[Razzle]

@Jumpingcactus  Not gonna lie, councilling has been hard.  I find it very hard to to talk about the last assault/s.  

Marriage counciling is up and down, we make a little progress and then we go backwards, then forwards, then backwards.....  I know the child sexual abuse in my past plays a huge part, I’m trying to work through that.

My councilling dealing with CSA had kind of ground to a halt because I couldn’t talk about the last one so the councillor didn’t know which direction we could take because he didn’t really know what had actually happened, what he was dealing with.  Last weekend I wrote a kind of journal, explaining everything in graphic detail.  It was horrendous, even worse was handing it over and letting him read it (while I cried the whole time)

But, I’ve given this little girl that has been hidden away for 40 years a voice,  it’s scary and I feel like shit most of the time, but I’m not carrying that burden on my own anymore.

My councillor is brilliant at asking the hard questions, but he also accepts that I don’t always have the answers either.  He’s very reassuring that things will get better for me, and after our last session I think things will move forward again.

Sometimes it’s just nice to know there is someone in my corner giving support  where I’ve never had it before.  I had been threatened so many times that I couldn’t tell anyone, that my abuser would harm my parents (resulting in death), but now my councillor has given me the power to speak up, and for that I am grateful.