I told my psychologist yesterday that my hoarding had deteriorated and got out of control. She was concerned, as we have done a lot of work on it over many years, and had a lot of success.
There are two parts to hoarding disorder, the incoming stuff and then the getting rid of stuff. I had got a handle on most of the incoming stuff years ago - for instance, not picking up every pamphlet I see. However lately the incoming has got out of hand again. It's partly to do with me deciding for the first time ever to have a wardrobe change. I've always been too poor for fashion. But I decided to get rid of all my ancient dark clothes and buy some bright, more feminine clothes. This seems to have triggered a hoarding episode (if you can call hoarding an episode? Not sure.)
So at the moment I have lots of bags of groceries sitting on the kitchen and lounge-room floors, piled up about 3 bags high, with narrow paths around them. At one point I have to step over them to get to the kitchen. My unit is tiny, so there's no storage for the excess groceries. I also have some clothes piled up there too, a bag of old clothes to get rid of (the decision already made) or new clothes that I need to wash. In amongst all that are library books (a pile to return and a pile yet unread), and a big packet of toilet paper, and tissue boxes, and garden pots, and a pot of garden fertiliser that I've lost and need to use, and a brand new humane rat trap, and bags from work with old water bottles and notes in them, and a box of those N95 masks that there's nowhere to store, and notes from my psychologist sessions that I've lost and need to write up on the computer, and multivitamins that I've lost. The kitchen bench is also piled with more of the same. All the grocery bags are cloth bags and need washing (I wash them after every use).
(@Emelia8 if all this is upsetting or triggering for you, please feel free to disengage!)
Part of the problem with the groceries is that I forget what's in the older bags and buy the item again. Some of the bags have been there for months. My psychologist cancelled my October appt, which didn't help - I only see her once a month.
Another part of the problem is that my germophobia means that a lot of the stuff piled up needs disinfecting, and I can't face it 😞
I also have half a shed that I share with my neighbour, that's full of 16 large boxes of junk plus stuff I want to keep but that I can't fit into the house 😞 I need to go through all that and really, get rid of all of it 😞 which is incredibly daunting.
My life is becoming unfunctional 😞
Thanks for listening, dear @Eve7 @Bow @Emelia8 @creative_writer
