Am Not Coping

[Zoe7]

Going to head off for a while - watch The Block - do a little tidying up and relax @Faith-and-Hope

I'll check in on you later before I head to bed 

[Faith-and-Hope]

I will be okay @Zoe7 ..... almost finished with the stuff for the unit, then I will start my artwork, and that is healing, as you know.

There will be bits and pieces to add into the unit across the next few days, but mr. won’t notice that, and I won’t tell him.  Offering a choice between two unpalatable outcomes is not a choice at all ..... it’s abuse ..... and that’s what today’s ultimatum was.  While I can’t get through to him, I have to reserve my own autonomy and look after me.  He is back on a plane in 36 hours or so, and half that time I will be at uni ..... it will be okay.

[Shaz51]

hello @Faith-and-Hope, @Zoe7, how has your day been

Hello @CheerBear, @Sans911, @soul

[TheVorticon]

I dunno how you do it @Faith-and-Hope. I probably would've socked him one in your position. Hope the rest of your night is relaxing and helps you feel better.

[Shaz51]

So sorry to hear you had a run in with Mr. F&H @Faith-and-Hope

[Faith-and-Hope]

Thanks @Shaz51 @TheVorticon.  It’s hard to choke it down.  Being able to vent here helps so much.   I live in hope that a diagnosis and treatment will soften all this sort of behaviour back down, but there is no guarantee.  We won’t know until we get there ..... all I know is, while I have the strength I have to keep trying.

[soul]

Thinking of you @Faith-and-Hope and hoping that his mood improves. I admire your patience during all this. You are are a remarkable woman. 

[Faith-and-Hope]

Thanks @soul ..... I don’t think I would be at all patient with it if my family weren’t at stake, and without the understanding that he is ill.  I have seen him come down a path where he changed personality almost before our eyes, and took on the nature of one of his brothers in particular.  Finding out that there is a personality disorder involved, and that it is possible with dbt and cbt (amongst other things) to draw it all back to “simply” being personality traits has given me patience ..... and I would hope that if our situations were reversed, he would be just as patient with me.  In fact the irony here is that he thinks I am unwell because I haven’t been able to accept his amazing sea-change that has seen him excel in a healthy lifestyle, according to his perspective ..... and perhaps I would be far more confused about that , except for the volumous chew-spit behaviour that is well hidden from professional view.  That particular aspect of his eating disorder is undeniably symptomatic, and belies the “sea-change” ......

[Zoe7]

Hi @soul @Shaz51 @TheVorticon @CheerBear 

@Faith-and-Hope Checking in here I can see you have had some wonderful support - it is so lovely to see that you are getting the support you always give others 

I do hope you have been able to get to your art tonight Hon and that those tears come to release some of that built up pressure.

Know you are very much thought of in the situation you are in and although you pretty much suffer in silence in the home that you are heard here. Your forum family are right beside you and know the type of abuse that you endure is not ok. Stay strong my angels as we are all with you.

I am having an early night tonight but needed to check in on your first - goodnight Hon - I hope tomorrow is a better day for you 💐💕🌷🌸🌺💚

[Faith-and-Hope]

Thanks @Zoe7 ..... I know you are with me and you understand, and others here have been so great this afternoon ...... just sitting with me while singer myself back together.

The tears have started now, and it has taken me a while to settle in to this drawing project because it is intricate and detailed, and my thoughts were so fragmented by today’s events ..... but getting there now.

Sleep well sweet butterfly ..... 🦋💕💤