Am Not Coping

[Faith-and-Hope]

Back and showered .... ✅

Yes, anything secretive would draw attention @Zoe7, owing to paranoia as a part of our situation ... and I am assuming, as we haven't experienced a nuclear fall-out, that my use of the forums are either undiscovered, or considered unthreatening in any real sense .... but my presumption is the former.

If anything, it would probably support the notion that I am the one struggling with mi issues, which I believe he is currently promoting within his family, referencing the fact that I have been attending a psychologist.

But on my phone, if discovered or shared within our technology links, the image you have given me will only support that perception .... and I am A-ok with that Zoe7 ..... my support people know where the truth lies, and I haven't concealed my use of the forums from them.  

Despite everything that is going on, I have to preserve my own integrity, and not accept intimidation tactics beyond where they make a difference to keeping us safe.

[Zoe7]

It can be such a fine line we walk between 'needing' the forum and still maintaining one's own level of privacy (which includes not allowing those 'closest' to us to have any insight into our interactions here). Sometimes 'what you need' and what you can do are polar opposites - and that makes it incredibly hard to cope with on an individual level - this is pretty much where I am sitting right now  @Faith-and-Hope

Combined with this is my own perceptions of myself and my 'situation' and the very real thoughts of 'this is my life and nothing will ever change'! ...and if I can't see any way forward then how can I possibly support others to find that also. I am not going to pretent that any of this 'sits well' with me but it is my present reality and it is incredibly tough 

I have no doubt that through your 'journey' you will continue to preserve your own integrity @Faith-and-Hope - throughout this whole 'process' you have continued to show not only integrity but also incredible resilience, compassion and love (and not just for your real life family ). I keep telling you this - but will again - I so admire and respect you, and it is truly an honour to 'know' you. Each day with you in it produces just a little light - even when I can't see it, I know it is there - shining through you  ...and that is a true gift that cannot be taught, cannot be 'faked' and certainly cannot be learnt - it needs to come from within - and that light shines the brightest from within you Hon

[Faith-and-Hope]

Thank you so much @Zoe7 ...... your words are precious to me ...... I am here because I am suffering, we as a family are suffering ..... but it is only through this suffering that I have come to know you, and so many beautiful others here, where, without visual contact beyond the images we share, it's the spirit that shines out ..... it's the spirit that is connecting and communicating amongst us all. And I am receiving so much light and warmth from all of you, even when you don't believe you have any left to persevere with sometimes ..... the human spirit is still there, and it still has great force.

Rest your spirit @Zoe7 ..... the future is most often not what it seems in our darkest hour ..... but rather than reaching forward, using precious life force ..... just rest your way forward. I know you are going to tell me that you can't do anything else, but even cheeky Zoe7 is a form of rest ...... a small burst of love and laughter and ..... dare I say ..... mischief ??

What is my neice up to today ? I am imagining her cat-cuddles ...... I love the head-butt kind ...... 😊

[Zoe7]

Your niece has been very 'adventureous' the last few days/nights @Faith-and-Hope. She has been sleeping on the bed and I have snuggled up with her a few times and drifted off to sleep. She has even come and snuggled up to me on the few occasions I have actually made it to bed (mostly during the day) - and with Toby on his pillow next to me. Toby has left Cat alone and Cat has snuggled in only a few centimetres from Toby - that has meant so much to me (they really do know when things are 'not right'!)

She is currently asleep on her chair - and Toby is in his usual place - spread out next to me 

I need to try to have a shower (may turn into a small bath because don't think I can stand that long safely ) and then leave for my appointment.

I will try to make it back on before you go into yours - depends how long it takes me to get home! I will check in with you later either way - whether you are able to 'talk' or not (I know it can be hard to process such appointments directly after and you sometimes just need to 'sit' with whatever has happened for a while ) I will be thinling of you though Hon and sending you all the loving and supportive vibes I have...

Goodluck sweetheart - dignity is your friend and the 'truth' will be your salvation 

[Faith-and-Hope]

Thank you @Zoe7 ..... 😔💕

I have sprung a leak ..... but better I get the tears out of the way now and hopefully stay dry during the appointment.

I will be looking for you ..... 💜

[Former-Member]

Dropping in to send you both some wildflowers from central australia where I just snuck off for a visit @Zoe7 @Faith-and-Hope I will start to read through all I have missed the past week and a half 🙂 hoping you are both doing okay

[Faith-and-Hope]

Thanks @Former-Member ..... 💕

[Zoe7]

You are most likely sitting in your car - waiting for your appointment @Faith-and-Hope. I have made it home just in time to send you a message to let you know I am here and thinking of you. I am still sitting on your shoulder and holding you close Hon  (...and your niece sends you lots of cuddles also )

[Zoe7]

Thankyou @Former-Member love them  ...and more so - love to see you back Now we just need the school holidays to be over and @Former-Member back and the 'world order' in forumland can be restored... 

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Zoe7 .... and anyone else here .....

I saw that there was a message from you as I jumped into the car Zoe, so I knew you were thinking of me, but WH was with me, so I was unable to stop and read it at the time.