A long rave

[eth]

@Former-Member  You might be interested to check out the work of Renee Eaves.  You can google her or find her on fb.  She's a really amazing advocate for women who have been abused by authority.  To the extent of even supporting them through court action and media involvement.  She is very articulate and intelligent and speaks out frequently and loudly.  She's Australian and I think she's based in Qld.

[Former-Member]

@eth 

Just didnt expect to get upset

Like grieving it just pops up when u least expect it.

Women that have never been abused dont seem to get it either. They get married & have their kids & thats their life. They dont c the ugly side nor experience it. I meet women & they just assume im married cause i moved here with my husband. They assume ive bought a hse here.

On netflix theres a really good tv series unbelievable.  Its a perfect example of how people get judged. Beware tho parts might trigger u a bit. Did with me but i needed to watch it.

Dva said theres a stack of reports from the 80's. They wanted women in the army however theyre werent treated well & matters reported like mine just got brushed under the carpet.

 People just dont get that when u report something & it gets ignored it really affects u. It devalues you. Cause u dont get heard. 

Think its why i deteriorated so badly. I was never heard all my life so i stopped speaking. 

My father hated me cause i noticed how women were treated. He used to call me a little germain greer. He was so anti single mums & women working.

Just still teary today so ill have to take it easy.

Thanks

[eth]

Hang in there @Former-Member   I'm sitting with you.  As my psychologist says "you have to feel it to heal it".  It may be that so much is coming up for you now because you are in a safer situation to face it down, knowing you have a good psychologist who you trust to work it through with.  When is your next appointment?

I tried going through Victims of Crime for the counselling they fund, but was inelligible because my more recent event of DV and police abuse happened in another state (I had to relocate for family support because of it) and the events that happened in this state were too long ago - outside their statute of limitations.  And I wasn't told this was the case until after I spent hours and a lot of emotional energy having total disclosure with their worker.  That put me into a really rough patch, but since then I've done a course called 'living beyond abuse' and also been seeing my psychologist for over 2 years now.   I know I've made heaps of progress in that time and wish the same for you.  Take care today, be gentle with yourself.  I'll be out for a few hours but will check back in here later this afternoon.

[Former-Member]

@eth 

Yeah im certainly feeling it today

Looked up renee. Its sad people misusing their power. A lot of bad cops.

During watching unbelieveable i found myself googling penticton police station. Its the police station that didnt believe me when i reported an incident. Clearly it has hurt me cause ive ph there a couple of times since the incident when i was 26. 

Once again not getting heard or believed.

I think its that that hurts more than the incident.

Like i fought this army case when i was 19 but they just ignored me.

Its sad that people view me now as weak. If i was weak i would have just slept with my boss. I wouldnt have stuck to my story & fought my case at 19. 

It just does my head in not really knowing the truth of what really happened.

Unfortunately dva cant help with that. Ill never know the truth. How the system failed me.

Its hard to accept such a harsh punishment when u know u did nothing morally wrong.

Makes me wonder what it must b like for people put in jail when theyre innocent.

I think thats why it hurts. 

Dva asked me if i met the officer for sex. I said no i didnt turn up thats why he refused to speak with me after that camp. In ways it felt like the case was weaker cause i wasnt touched. Its just doing my head in. If id gone to him none of what happened to me would have occured tho. Sorry my brain is trying so hard to sort it out. 

Probably cause i told this story back then in crt & didnt get heard im just presuming i wont get heard again.

I must have gotten severely triggered when they first charged me to make me run for help. 

Ill just try & take it slow today cause i just feel so teary & sad.

Just got lollipop duty today. C psychologist Fri. Ill let him know whats going on.

Dva were surprised i was working they were hoping id hold off to get some help first but im not doing too much.

Ive got an aqua class tonight thatll cheer me up a bit

[Gazza75]

@Former-Member 

[Former-Member]

@Gazza75 

Thanks just very emotional today

Ill go to aqua tonight as im sure itll help me

Its getting thru the hrs today

[Gazza75]

@Former-Member,

your welcome, its understandable that you are emotional.. you are holding up really well and should be proud of yourself.  I think most of us would be complete train wrecks if in similar position.  Aqua will definitely help IMO

Take care 🙂  

[saturnzoon]

I was in the army reserves @Former-Member when I was younger and know that what happened to you is real as I saw it and heard a lot about it with the other girl reserves we knew people that it was happening to and it was so male dominated we could never say anything, to scared and warned off about it. I am now 56yrs and still remember things happening but also have some of it blocked out and only remember bits and pieces when I hear like what you went through,  you certainly are a strong lady coming out of this and trying to build a life that at lease is just a day at a time, I'm glad you have a job and doing your Aqua water. 

I agree with @eth just doing baby steps coming on here and telling your story is very hard but just know you have come to the right place here, we do not judge but help each other and encourage each other knowing that you are very safe on here and we support each other as we are all struggling some harder than others but we all have a common MH issues and can build each other up. You should be proud of yourself getting to this time and hopefully feel safe to talk whenever you need to help you get through your day.

Take Care and we are here for you always.💖

@Gazza75 @Mazarita @Angels333 

[Gazza75]

@saturnzoon 

How are you today? 

[Former-Member]

@saturnzoon 

Very kind of u to acknowledge it went on.

They apparently have a special area for all the sexual abuse cases as there were so many from the 80's

Way too much testosterone. Men just couldnt control themselves hey.

I didnt realise how much it has affected me. Its amazing how u block out so much

Its been quite a lot of work doing this claim. From writing to my mother,. writing the story,trying to get a witness statement from my ex fiance that reported me which led to the arrest. Emdr for it. Telling story to psychiatrist. Its been huge actually.

So baby steps today. Doing a bit on piano now. Im sure aqua will help tonight