A long rave

[greenpea]

@Mazarita 1 1/2 and I will be shuddering down the streets .... I can't see any stars .... could still be raining here.

[Mazarita]

Both the fruit and the flavour, @greenpea, and the colour, lol. 

Will you still go out if it's raining?

[greenpea]

@Mazarita Hmmm ... I just like the flavour .... probably all the sugar and artificial flavours :P.... Ummm ... when I was running I ran all the time became addicted to the high of running ... 40 degree heat or pouring rain I would run. I just loved it so much. If it is raining I will leave the walk to when I can see better so I dont fall over on something slippery (learned the hard way) but yes I will still go I think It would have to be pouring down to stop this pea :).

What have you got on today? Do you have a long weekend this weekend?

[Mazarita]

No long weekend here, @greenpea. But then all my weekends are long since I'm free during the week too. 

No plans today aside from have a shower (and, with any luck, some housework I didn't do yesterday). I am pretty into my video at the moment so may end up doing a fair bit of that. There's also a possibility that C and I will end up at friend's place sometime, or maybe not. We'll see.

[greenpea]

@Mazarita I love that maybe end up at a friend's place, maybe not such a great attitude to life :). I cleaned the bathroom yesterday and did some washing I might tackle some vacuuming today if son1 doesnt come up but then again maybe not 😄

[Mazarita]

I will be at my friend's place in a flash if she wants us, @greenpea. We are very close, have known each other for about 15 years, and see each other at least 3 times a week most weeks. But it depends how taken up with other things she is, and I'm always cool with that. She also has a lot of health problems so not always up to visits, but most of the time she is into it too. 

[greenpea]

@Mazarita Okay Maz I have a question which I hope you might be able to help me with. I find it very hard to keep friends. I just don't want them badly enough I suppose ....  I think it all stems from my mother who has hoards of them and we had to go to outings everyweekend with friends and they would invite their children along too who we had to play with and I hated it.... this went on throughout my childhood. 

As a teenager I had lots of friends some close but I gradually grew out of them when I met my soon to be husband and then the kids came with son2 troubles I could never have true friendships. Now I am in the situation where I really don't want them because I dont want to give up my independence .... is this a bad thing. Is this part of being bipolar and schizoaffective do you think. Or does it all come froma childhood which having friends over was suffa c ating.

[Mazarita]

@greenpea, I've had friends come and go in my life. As I've got older though, I've come to value friendship more. However, it's still not easy for me to make really good friends like the one I mention all the time. She is a rarity for me really. I've never spent so much time with another woman in all my life (aside from my mum). Most times I find friendships too superficial, though I like to make friends where I can because I know it's better than becoming too isolated. And it's not a great idea to put all my eggs in one basket, so to speak. But it was different for me when I was a child. I am an only child and was really neglected in many ways as a child. I spent far too much time alone. This has left me fairly avoidant of people in a general sense. On the other hand I don't do all that well alone for too long. Not really an answer to your question, just my experience as it relates to what you said.

[greenpea]

@Mazarita  I am so sorry you had such a tough childhood Maz.

[Mazarita]

It was very tough, @greenpea, thanks for your kindness. Thinking more about your friends issue though, I think it is a good idea to try to make friends and put in the effort to maintain them to some degree. It's not a great life being too socially isolated and, although you have your kids, they may not satisfy those needs really. Having said that, I don't do well with friends who get very needy with me. I then feel pressured and resentful and tend to walk away.