A long rave

[Shaz51]

yes mr shaz was sooo worried before it @Mazarita, i was wondering if we were going to make it

it was nice ,lots of family I have never met only some on FB, and mr shaz had not seen them for a long time , so he wanted to come home at 3pm which is ok

[Mazarita]

Ah well, you are both home and hopefully relaxing now, @Shaz51. It's great meeting relatives you have never met before, or haven't seen for a long time. 🙂

[greenpea]

@Mazarita Mazzy my pdoc posed a question to me this week which made me think .... she asked me if I could refect upon my actions? The thing is I am not sure that I can ... I was wondering how you go with reflecting upon your actions if you don't mind me asking.

[Mazarita]

@greenpea, I'm not sure I know how to answer that question. In what context did the issue arise? I reflect on my actions (and everything in my makeup) a lot, often to criticise myself in my mind. I'm sure your pdoc doesn't mean that, unless with a more positive spin on things. Was your pdoc talking about conscience? Your question raises a bunch of questions from me. Sorry I haven't got a clearer answer. Maybe someone else will be able to answer it better than me. ox

[Mazarita]

Hi @greenpea, @outlander, anyone else around. I think both of you are maybe online and awake. I'm here too if you feel like chatting. Hope you get more sleep tonight.  

[greenpea]

@Mazarita Hmmm ...  I think it was to do with my actions when I was psychotic (that I remember that is). Do I look back and reflect on them ... well I didn't know how to answer because I try not to think of the negative stuff that has been done. What is done is done and I try desperately not to do that kind of stuff again (but I am a bit of a s*1t stirrer Maz so it can be hard not to stir the pot sometimes even when I am not manic).

When I am manic I am like a wild animal (it is true) which is why I must stay on my meds (always remind me of that please will you :)). 

[greenpea]

I am so glad that you and maybe Shaz51 are awake ... I am wide awake lol @Mazarita@Shaz51 🙂 xx

[greenpea]

@Mazarita I don't wanna go to sleep. I want to do another early morning walk now that my whole body isn't aching anymore 🙂 but want a talk first and see how you and everyone who is up with the owls are.

[greenpea]

@Mazarita Mazzy are you doing videos atm? 

[Mazarita]

@greenpea, I'm glad you're here too.  ox

With your pdoc, I would maybe not worry about it until next time you see them. Then ask them to clarify what they meant, what it is that they really suggest doing with this self-reflection. I really understand you not wanting to revisit times of psychosis. I guess I am the same, but I do remember a lot of things that were less than my best (that's for sure), that I did during times I've had that bear some similarity to yours. I guess I do self-reflection in an ongoing way but I'm not sure how much it helps me.