A long and self indulgent rave

[Mazarita]

Very depressed today after finding out last night that the rental flat I live in is about to be sold. Been through this nightmare before, hate that I have to go through it again. I have a GP appointment at 3.30pm but am struggling to get in the shower to make it there. Need to go. Need the shower because I haven't had one for days (won't say how many, too embarrassing). Feel frozen. Anxiety hit me last night, heavy depression today. Slept from 10pm last night until after midday. Just kept going back to sleep to escape the overwhelming feelings of dread inside. Hordes of people about to enter the flat soon, every day of the week for six days from 12 May and then every Saturday after that until the flat is sold. Extra burden of having to have the flat clean, which I always suck at. Social anxiety going through the roof, loss of sanctuary, insecurity about housing, deep resentment that my whole life has been like this. Down, down, down I have gone. Sick with it.

[Faith-and-Hope]

🤗💜💐🌷💕🐬 @Mazarita ......

Is there somewhere else you can park up on those days ? Maybe go flat-hunting at the same time the realtor is taking people through at your place ?

I use laundry baskets for a quick tidy-up .... throw everything in that is lying about and then place a folded towel on top that covers what it is in it. You can probably do that with three baskets placed strategically around the flat, and they cost around $5 from the supermarkets ....

Doesn't solve everything I know, but I hope it helps.

💜💕

[utopia]

@Mazarita. I'm so sorry this is happening.
Please do go to see your doctor today - even if you don't manage a shower. I think today it's important for you to go.
Thinking of you. ♥♥♥ Lots of hugs

[CheerBear]

Sending really big hugs and thoughts your way @Mazarita. I can understand the feelings you're talking about having been a renter living in houses that have been sold, for a long time too. This stuff is so unsettling and does nothing good for mental health and wellbeing 😞 Wish there was something i could say to make it feel better but there probably isn't because the situation just stinks. Sorry you're going through it.

[Zoe7]

Oh Maz that is terrible news  I can imagine the turmoil of emotions and feelings you are going through at the moment. It is important that you do get to your GP appointment today - especially considering what is happening and how you are feeling. There really is nothing I can say to you to help with this awful situation but to let you know that I am feeling for you, thinking of you and am here whenever you need. You have been an absolute saviour for me over several nights when I have really needed that support - now is the time to allow us to help to hold YOU up, walk beside and comfort you when we can @Mazarita 

Sending you love, strength and hugs...

Zoe 

[Mazarita]

Thanks for your kind replies, @Zoe7, @CheerBear, @utopia, @Faith-and-Hope. Just writing it out on the page here helped me get in the shower. Will make it to the doctors now, I think. There's likely to be more whinging about this going on for a little while with me. Thanks for your support through this difficulty. It seems my relative balance is precarious and dependent on nothing out of the ordinary happening. When it does, I am rocked off my perch. I hate to think what I would be like now without the medications I take. I know it will probably work out okay in the end, just have to get through it and the haywire emotions it is evoking in me. Hugs to everyone else who needs one today. 

[CheerBear]

Whinge away if it's helpful @Mazarita. That shock is a big one and would knock most from their perches. I know it has for me before and I needed all the ears I could have to 'whinge' to. With you here 💛

Ps - i don't think that sharing troubles and venting is whinging. Just saying 😉

[Zoe7]

I agree with @CheerBear - probably nothing unusual there (except for our difference in tastes when it comes to licorice and strawberries). Whinge/vent away @Mazarita - our eyes are virtual ears for whatever you need to get out.

Here with you and walking beside you Maz...

Zoe

[Mazarita]

Back home again after going to doctor and then bussing it to visit my friend in the neighbourhood for takeaway dinner. Not surprisingly, it was good to get out of the flat and see her, even though it felt impossible to move from my chair for a while there this morning. The whole day has felt weird, somewhat surreal and my moods have been sliding around strangely. Off balance physically and emotionally.

It was only a short appointment with the GP but I still managed to spill my guts about the flat being sold and give her an indication of how much it's messed me up over the past day. Main thing we had to look at today though, was a number of prescriptions that needed renewing and also having my ears syringed (I've been deaf in the right one for about two weeks now). It's still blocked. I have to go back next week to do it again after putting in more drops at night until then. Had a B12 shot while I was there too, part of the treatment for my crohns disease. The GP was concerned about my housing situation. I reassured her that it would probably work out okay in the end, either way. Just that in some primal fear kind of place, I'm struggling with it, and fallout depression from it. She was reassured that I have a psychiatrist appointment in the middle of May.

The challenge now is to try to balance myself out enough about this to not have it bleed into the interstate visit from my mum and friend from down south from next Tuesday. I want to try to 'park all this up' (as @Faith-and-Hope says), until after mum goes back. I haven't seen her for over a year and we have both been looking forward to it so much. She's almost 82. This may be her last flight. I'm really hoping the trip will be special for both of us.

And then as soon as she goes, I'll have to get the flat  ready for the agent's photos a couple of days later. Might resort to the Daily Goals thread to help me with that. Then the following week it will need to be kept clean for the open inspections every day, Monday to Saturday. That's the really daunting part because that's when the hordes will be stomping through what is, after all, our home. I will try to get out on those days, as @Faith-and-Hope has suggested.

Thanks for the space to vent and try to work through this simple difficulty that somehow seems so gargantuan to me. I only think of myself as a whinger when I go on like this, @CheerBear, because I know I am lucky in my life in many ways and things could be so much worse. Thanks for giving me a reminder though that it's not the best language, and I don't think of it that way when I read other people's posts. It's just myself I think is whinging.

But anyway, writing these things on the page makes me feel saner. When I am not on the page at the moment, I'm feeling pretty weirded out and not even sure what the emotions are. One minute I feel agitated and like I want to smash something. The next I feel depressed. My head is buzzing. This morning frozen to my chair. Then out and about and loudly raving at my friends place. Not sure which way is up at the moment. Feel my brain chemistry has gone a bit out of whack. And I'm feeling menopausally hormonal too, hot flashes happening about every hour. What a day!

[Zoe7]

What a day indeed @Mazarita. You are sounding so much more positive now and that is great to read.Of course this is going to be a rollercoaster for you but we'll be sitting right in the car next to you - holding your hand, screaming with you when you need it and laughing together when that is all we have left. One day at a time Maz.

...and any time you need to 'whinge' - go for it!!!

Zoe