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Re: A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

@Emelia8  (((((💛))))) hugzz-n-hugzz

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Re: A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

Thank you so much everyone ... I value each of you so much.  I gotta run now, or I will be late for Radiation #2.

I will get back to you all later if I can.

 

@Anastasia  yes, you are safely in my top pocket, next to my heart.  Thanks for coming along for the ride. 💞

 

Emelia 👋

Re: A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

Just missed you again 😢 Hoping today is gentle with you Em and that the treatment goes as well as yesterday's did. Holding you in my heart. @Emelia8 

Re: A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

@Emelia8 hoping today goes ok for you.

You are stronger then you think hun.

Lots of love and hugs 💜💜

Re: A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

Hi @Emelia8 

I'm so glad to read that y'day went ok and I'm sure that's due to your strength and bravery.  I wish you the same for today. But I do understand each day/experience may be different.

 

As I've said before 'you've got this'!!

Another saying I have printed up on my study wall is 'Believe you can and you're halfway there'.

 

Sending you love, light and positiveness!

 

L & Levi ( he sends a nice soft cuddle to you)

 

💞❣️💞

Re: A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

I thank you all for your kind messages.  And apologise for not getting back to you before now.

 

Fatigue, lethargy and general unwellness feels like it has set in.  I feel awful all round.  With hubby being away ... I dont have to push myself to do anything. Maybe thats a bad thing?  When I got home ... after a joyful greeting from and for my furbaby ... I slept for a few hours. 

 

Now I feel sluggish and useless.  My skin feels hot and uncomfortable where they are radiating ... the whole of the left breast ... and my left arm is aching. The cough that developed after starting the oral chemo pills, seems to have gotten worse today and my chest feels sore. I have no apetite and have not been eating very well this week.  Again, perhaps its not such a good thing hubby being away.  At least when he's here I'm forced to prepare healthy meals.  When he's not ... I dont feel like eating, so I dont ... and nobody cares. My headache is bad again.

 

Radiation #2 is done ... only 13 to go.  I think I made a good decision in booking into the hospital accommodation for 3 nights next week.  The driving is becoming more difficult, and I think I may be a danger to others on the road.  My mind is wandering and I'm way too tired ... it would be far too easy to just close my eyes, drift off to sleep ... and to be done with all this garbage.

 

I was to see the nurse after my radiation today, but she was tied up with another patient.  I didnt want to wait, so I rescheduled that session for tomorrow instead.

 

I feel so fed up with it all.  I was hoping to hear from my psych's office today (unexpectedly) letting me know that there had been a cancellation and she could see me today or tomorrow.  But no ... it hasnt happened.  Feeling bereft.

 

Trying to tag all those who have posted to me here lately.  My apologies if I miss any of you.  Its just my headspace ... its not good, and my concentration is even worse.  @Anastasia  @Former-Member @NatureLover @Former-Member @Eve7 @BlueBay @Former-Member @Peri @outlander @Former-Member @Snowie @WIP @Bow @Zoe7 @Clawde @Sans911 @Exoplanet 

 

Myboy ... As you know, I kept you in my pocket until I had to change into the dreaded white linen robe. Tried to smuggle you into the radiation room with me ... but failed. Probably a good thing ... its not safe in there. Wouldnt want you feeling like I do right now.  You've been ill enough yourself these past few days.

 

I just read through my post ... I sound like such a sad sack whinger. Depression is setting in ... I feel it descending over me like a black shroud.  I really should be grateful for the great service and support that cancer patients receive in our medical world, because Australia is so lucky in that regard. Affordable medical care ... in fact almost everything is bulk billed.  I am grateful .. I really am.  And immensely grateful also for each of you.  Thanks.  I should go now.  Maybe come back when I dont feel so damned low.

 

@Mellysmellyelly ... just wanted to apologise for not responding to your posts to me on the other thread.  Its lovely to see you giving so much support around the forums.  You are a lovely addition to the membership.  I hope you are receiving the support you need as well.  I will be there for you when I feel a little better.  Just a bad few days for me.  I wanted you to know, that I really appreciated your post to me about your sister in law and her recovery from breast cancer.  I will respond properly in due course.  Sorry for the delay.

 

Emelia 💞😔

Re: A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

Oh Em, you are far from a "sad sack whinger". You have every right to be feeling the way you are and to voice them for that matter. I'm purposely not going to write a great deal in the hope you can switch off and try to shake the dreaded headache. 

That's all for now. I do want to leave you with some feel good food and an overdue drink. Love you beautiful girl 🍛🥛❤️

@Emelia8 

P.S see you in the morning for day 3 and the last one for this week 🌷✔️💞 x

Re: A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

@Emelia8 💖💖💖

Re: A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

@Emelia8 💜💛

Re: A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

Hi sweetheart @Emelia8 - your post made me cry. Because although our journeys are quite different, there are similarities. I understand the 'toughness' of it all.There's been many, many days where my thoughts are low and dark. And my cancer journey is only a fraction of my issues. I've wanted not to wake up the next day,not wake up from surgery, I wished something had happened to me to make it easy to 'opt out'.

My own recovery hit a stumbling block last night when one of my healing scars opened up. It was open all the way through. It had opened up b4, and I dealt with it. But as I was cleaning it last night, and removing some dry skin around, it came undone. I only had gauze, no dressing. I was quite concerned, so I stupidly went to emergency. I don't know what's going on there lately, certainly not COVID 19 as we have no admitted patients, but it's just chaos on the last two visits. I waited 4 hours until I was finally seen after midnight. Only to be told that the plastics team were referring me to the outpatients clinic this morning. Which never happened. I rang to confirm the appointment, but it wasn't made. So I'm going tommorow.

And I was supposed to be referred to the psychologist in the Breast Care clinic by the drs many weeks ago. That also never happened either. I'm incredibly disappointed and frustrated.

So you can be grateful & appreciate all that is being done for you. But it's OK to be depressed too. You are going through a life threatening process right now, life changing also. Not only that, you are dealing with physiological responses to treatments. Don't be so hard on yourself please. Be depressed and low, but don't stay there forever.

I'm sorry your appetite is shot. Especially when you need it most. I understand you don't feel like eating, and don't have the energy. But try to take care of yourself. Perhaps some scrambled egg on toast? A smoothie with some added protein powder and fruit will help with energy levels. And perhaps add in some good quality vitamins like zinc, b12. The Breast care nurses or doctors should be able to give you the right advice.

Much love 😘😘😘😘❤️❤️❤️❤️💜💜💜💜💜💜