Re your response to me yesterday @Anastasia . Of course I understand that you cannot always respond. You work full time. I honestly dont know how you manage to do as much as you do. And I also understand when the brain turns to mush after a full days work (covering 2 roles) as well as covering everything else that you have to deal with at home.
Yes my brother understands why I cannot be there. I love my brother very much and he has so much to cope with. I just feel that I should be there to take some of the load off him. And of course yesterday with his son (again) coming a cropper from his motor bike and breaking the other side of his collarbone ... its just one more thing for him and his wife to have to deal with. So he had his son in hospital an hours drive from home in one direction awaiting surgery today, and he was taking my Dad to see his GP in their nearest town 3/4 hour drive in the opposite direction. My nephews surgery was to take place this morning, but with emergencies taking precedence, he was pushed back to early this afternoon. At least that delay enabled my brother to get Dad to the Dr, then back home again, and for him to get to the other bigger town to (hopefully) collect his son from hospital. It turns out its a particularly bad break .. again ... with the jagged ends of the bone pressing on nerves and tendons etc. If left, they would be severed, hence the need for surgery. It will be another plate and screws, to add to the existing 2 plates and screws on the other side. Really concerned that this time his boss will not hold the job open for him. I cant blame him if he doesnt, he has an apprentice because he needs the extra worker. And unfortuntely my nephew had 8 weeks off with his last accident, and now its likely to be similar again. It matters not how good he is at his job, how enthusiastic and reliable he may be when he does go to work, or how he is top of his class when it comes to the apprenticeship trainer's assessment. It comes down to the fact that ... if he's injured ... he cannot work! Waiting to hear now, how his surgery went. Fingers crossed it got done today.
I rang my psych's office this afternoon actually, as you suggested yesterday. I just couldnt bring myself to pick up the phone yesterday to do it. I have an appointment for mid February now. So at least I have something. But I am still on a cancellation list for next week. I'm hopeful, but not overly so, of getting in next week.
Yes @Anastasia it is a very traumatic anniversary on 29th Feb. I still see the face, smell the cigarette smoke, feel the extreme fear and pain that he inflicted, feel the helplessness knowing nobody was around to help me not matter how much I screamed. Those things just dont go away ... ever! No matter what I do, what therapy I undertake, how much I talk about it ... its always there. I still have the nightmares, still hear bumps in the night and fear its him. When I'm triggered I still see him alongside me in queues, in a car stopped at traffic lights, bump into him going around a corner, freak out at the sound of his name (which is quite a common name) or seeing someone who looks a bit like him. There are times I cannot get him out of my head. Times I blame myself for not going to the police.
Yes I think I understand what you are trying to convey, and I thank you. And I thank you for your post here this morning as well. You are very astute and knowing, you seem able to read people very well. Its true that I am not coping right now. Lots of things really. Yes the thought of the anniversary quickly approaching. And yes I have so much happening on the health front in the lead up to that, and I realise the time will go very quickly. Radiation starts next week. The week after that finishes I have an appointment with my GP. I got a phone call this morning from my medical oncologist ... telling me I have an apt with the oncologist on 2nd Feb. I said I couldnt make that date, due to radiation therapy still happening. So its now 2 weeks after radiation finishes. I didnt expect to have to see her so soon. I guess she will want to know how I'm going with the toxic little tablets. I see my psychologist the following day.
Hubby is not well at all. Its a good thing for that reason alone that I didnt go away this week. I worry about while I'm away for my radiation. He will be going with his good friend to visit my stepson and his family up North the week I stay at the hospital accommodation. Wish I was going too, to catch up with the grandkids etc. But I know he will not be taking his medications as he should, even after prompting from his friend. So that is a worry.
Please do not feel dreadful for missing my post this morning. Its okay, I know you are extremely busy, and I would feel guilty to drag you away. I also realise you are struggling right now too. Good to hear you had your massage this morning .. I hope you feel better for it. Love you too .. or as my Mum would say ... love you more. 💕
Thanks also @Former-Member @outlander @Former-Member for your messages of support last night and this morning. Yes @Former-Member there is a breastcare nurse in my local area, and she has been fantastic. I have texted, phoned or emailed her numerous times over the past 2 months. They do a fantastic job. The one here is not a Jayne McGrath funded nurse, but in places that are not covered by them, there are state govt funded nurses. Which the one here is.
Emelia 😔🌺
