@Emelia8 thinking of you lots...hoping for some relief from your painful thoughts...sending you a big gentle hug and lots of wishes for strength and some healing...
Morning Em, I had a really long reply for your worry room post and now that I am here to type it out, I find that it seems far to shallow in light of what you have had to experience in your life. I understand being set up to fail and that it brings someone joy to watch as you fail and fall hard, it takes a lot of courage to stand tall after you fall and go stuff you! I managed to do it once and only once. Let me, let your forum friends and family be your safety net, hold on to the knowledge that we want you to succeed, we want you to live your best possible life with happiness and joy, be comforted in the fact that when you feel you have stuffed up we are here still supporting and loving you.
You are a very compassionate, insightful and thoughtful lady and I am proud to call you my friend.Sending you all my love and some gentle hugs Izzy
Hi @Emelia8
I am certainly very glad you found your way back here - and also that you were reading the messages we left for you - and how glad I througwhen I realised who you were
I am not sure what internalising our past is - maybe it means allowing our sadness to increase our degree of social withdrawal and similar behaviours - I have thought about it a lot through the years since my son died - I was told at the time not to internalise it though I didn't know what it meant - but I was very verbal with my grief and it may come down to our reaction to our social circumstances though life - and we could ask if we have learned to control our emotions and behaviour in ways that allowed us to function until the situation became more than that - for me - that was the turning point - I started to grow in maturity and wisdom from that point in my life and this has been a wonderful gift from my son. I valued him so much it empowered me to turn my back on the social and racial intolerance of my family and go it alone and as tough as that was - it has been worth it
When it comes to having a normal and happy life I have questions those words. What is a normal life? No one can really answer that and I think it might mean fitting in - and being part of a group of people with different beliefs this could be very hard. In the past I have tolerated the form of a situation to have the content. I gradually moved past that. And happy - what is happiness. The word happy comes from the Old Nordic languages - "hap" meaning "chance" and I think that happiness is a very "chancy" state - maybe a condition or time we can enjoy for as long as it lasts and keep the memories
But I don't think we can ever find a stage of contentment in life from other people - we have to find it within ourselves and from what you write I think you learned a valuable lesson early - so many deaths so close to you gave you insight into how risky life is - and it's a hard lesson and who would be happy learning it?
I think it was the first anniversary of your mother's death the day before my son's 34th anniversary - I didn't forget either date - and the first anniversary is the hardest I think - to realise a whole year has passed - what is an intolerable memory is suddenly a whole year ago - and we can never be happy about it but it's a fact of our lives
And am I making any sense? - to me it does have rhyme and reason - the events of my past have made me who I am now and I keep changing because my life keeps having events in it and 2020 has memories for us all that give us reason to question life - but most of us continue for whatever reasons sustain us
I found a lot of spring pictures today and I am sending you one
Dec
hello and hugs @Emelia8
sorry that i have not been around much this week
sending you hugs and sitting with you always xx
Dear @Emelia8 , you must be in a very bad place, am thinking of you lots and sending many warm and hopeful thoughts and wishes for you to feel better as soon as possible...there is lots of support for you here, as soon as you're ready to come back...I miss you but I understand if you dont feel up to being here right now. Am hoping for comfort and whatever you need to start to feel stronger.
Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.
SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.
SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.
Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.
SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.
SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.