A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

[TAB]

Gosh that sounds hard @Emelia8 

Anyway you're still alive. Things will get better. Hang in there

[Eve7]

Oh @Emelia8  i so wish I could just pop over and have a cuppa with you or bring you up here for a few days.

I’m sending lots of love and many cups of tea 🍵 in my best china tea set.

This is temporary…you will have your own home again, drive your car and once more have a fur baby to love.

🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻

[Emelia8]

Yeah thanks @Eve7 ... I wish you could too.  Either would be so nice.  True I guess, this current situation is temporary, and I must keep reminding myself of that.

Yes @TAB it is hard.  Has been for a long time, and I guess its all catching up with me now.  Umm yeah, still alive thanks to a couple of life saving emergency blood transfusions.  Though there are times I don't feel exactly lucky to be alive, to be perfectly frank with you.  Life is just too bloody hard sometimes.  But I'm sure it will get easier.  It has to. I'm just lacking purpose.

Thank you @BlueBay  I really need all those positive vibes right now, and I very much appreciate the love and hugs from you as well.  I know you are going through a really tough time right now yourself, so the same right back at you my friend. 

@BlueBay the current rules in NSW state that landlords can reject a request to keep pets, without giving a reason.  Therapy dogs vary, depending on the specific purposes I believe. This puppy is not yet a certified therapy dog, as she is too young.  Therefore I am unable to push the issue.  And I am afraid to do so anyway.  I don't want to jeopardise my tenancy here as rentals are hard to get in the current market.  Its arguably more important to keep a roof over my head, than it is to retain the sanity of the head within.

Thanks @hanami and yes I have heard on the news about the announced changes to pets in rentals that the NSW Labor party have announced.  Sounds reasonable to me.  

Just want to reassure everyone that I am currently safe.  Although my clinical psychologist is on holidays, she has continued to support me since I came out of hospital.  I have contacted her earlier today and she has been in touch this afternoon.  She has visited me at home at least weekly, sometimes twice a week and will likely come again tomorrow or Thurs to talk and check on me.  In the meantime she has told me to text her any time.  Which I do.

[TAB]

My'things' not the same but thanks @Emelia8 hope things brighten up a bit for you soon 

[outlander]

sitting with you @Emelia8

[Emelia8]

Thanks for caring everyone,  I really appreciate it.  @outlander @TAB @Eve7 @BlueBay @Snowie @FloatingFeather @NatureLover @Bow @Shaz51 @hanami 

My psych came to see me yesterday,  which was kind of her.  And astute I suppose. She took away my bulk supply of pain killers, just to be safe. Left me with just a few in case I legitimately need them. Neither of us wanted a repeat of last year where I ended up in the MH unit for 2 months in March and April. 

Tomorrow I see my orthopaedic surgeon and try once more to get clearance to drive again.  Also hoping to get go ahead to commence outpatient rehab program. I had xrays a week or two ago,  the results of which will determine how much he will allow me to do. 

Then on Monday I have my regular 6-monthly review with my oncologist. Really wish I could get off the cancer meds I am on,  because they may affect the success of my spinal fusion.  I need to discuss this with both specialists. 

Still looking for a house to buy,  but there now appears to be a few coming onto the market again, after a quiet period.  Just gotta get clearance to drive,  so I can at least go look. 

Just feel like I have too many obstacles standing in my way at present.  And I dont have the energy to tackle them. 

[TAB]

Thats good re psych @Emelia8  perhaps only bite off what you can chew re problems . Focus, prioritise? 

[FloatingFeather]

Hi @Emelia8,

I hope you go well at your orthopaedic surgeon appointment and you are cleared to drive. Having that sense of independence is so important so I can imagine you are keen to get back to driving. Hopefully all goes well with your oncologist as well and you can come to an agreement that works for you around your cancer meds.

From my experience once Christmas and New Year pass and people start going back to work, school, etc the real estate market starts to pick up again. Hopefully you will find a house you love in the not to distant future.

Just one step at a time, I know it's not easy when you're feeling drained of energy.

Big hugs,

FloatingFeather

[Emelia8]

Thanks @TAB  ... yes priorities I guess.  Priority 1.  Get my licence back.

Thank you @FloatingFeather that's really kind of you, as was your email.  I appreciate both.

I guess I am starting to panic a bit is all.  And perhaps my psych would say, I am probably catastrophising a bit.  Its just that I have a major trauma anniversary coming up at the end of February and its been playing on my mind a lot lately.  More so I think because last year I spent that anniversary in hospital, in the MH ward.  I lost my little doggy companion in early February last year. She was my little saviour, she helped keep me half sane at least.  The prior year, my husband was still alive, so I wasn't alone.  But I am very much alone now, and feel it. This will be the first year since that major trauma that I am completely alone.

Another thing is that the violent sexual assault which caused my PTSD way back in 1996, occurred when I lived alone in a unit in town.  I sold my home out of town on acreage last September and am now renting a unit in town.  It is similar in many respects to where I was attacked.  It is bringing up many disturbing and upsetting memories.  And I don't like it.  At least when I had Holly (my dog) I had someone I could talk to, someone to hold in the middle of the night. Something to help keep me grounded.  But I am having trouble with that now.  And the anniversary is still 6 weeks away.  How am I going to be closer to the date?  I'm afraid @FloatingFeather 

I also have the 2nd anniversary of my husband's death coming up in mid April.  That was very traumatic in itself.  It was unexpected, he died before my eyes, I managed to bring him back to life, got an ambulance to him, only for him to then die in hospital hours later.

I don't know why all these things just keep running through my head.  I just want it all to go away.

[TAB]

Sounds tough @Emelia8  yes, sneak up on tasks one at a time