A Life of Trauma and Tragedy (Possibly Triggering Content)

[Snowie]

Morning @Emelia8 hun

Hoping you got some rest last night and today is a good day.

Lots of love and hugs hon 💜💕💜💕

[Anastasia]

Hello @Clawde 

I'm sorry you've been hurt dreadfully by your sister and family. That hurts and I hear you. I don't want to give you the wrong advice and since you can't divulge the story here's what I'll say...surround yourself with people who are good for you, lift you up in life. Family or not Clawde, be with people who give you love unconditionally my friend, you deserve that. Take care  🙏🌻

[Former-Member]

@Clawde - family can hurt us deepest. Start calling them "relatives" (great tip I learnt from @Adge) and start building a really strong "friend family" (a great tip I learnt from @Faith-and-Hope) but most of all - learn to be your own best friend...
💙💚💛🧡💕

[Clawde]

Hi all my Friends here, Thankyou all for Support and advice in particular 

@Former-Member @Emelia8 @Anastasia @Snowie @TAB @Adge @Appleblossom 

my life is different today, a feeling of shattered and the overwhelming feel of dread to have lived for so long with the thought of "yeah right I got this" 

is so disturbing that I have not, and maybe the glue is all of you I mean this without you guys in my life right now I don't know how to keep it together forever, but I will try, only because if your individual give a f# for Clawde Thankyou so much Really Thankyou all so much, no one in my real life could I share this s# with because I cannot stop crying I mean balling and sobbing I have to keep stopping writing this because of my eyes are so swollen I have to wash my face wipe it etc, it's a feeling of worst than a death in the close net faimly times 2 with the feeling of I have f# this up because I finally told the truth and they her was maybe thought they got away with it, but Clawde remembers everything maybe unfortunately for Clawde Thankyou my friends for reading this breakdown  sorry so much my other thoughts are with our beautiful sole mate @Emelia8 who has real problems mine are just how to come out of the worst personal experience I have ever been through Thankyou All.

[TAB]

I hope things pick up a bit for you @Clawde  have you had a shower today? have you eaten ? how about a walk ? cup of tea?  Sometimes when things get on top us , the little things that get neglected can help level things up . 

A vaguely remembered quote comes to mind .. was something like rising up on Stepping Stones of you dead self(s) 

I'm no professional, prob just grumbly weird person who has to have a court case with self to leave the house sometimes and sometimes cant see a future, some days are better than others. Can you talk to someone IRL (in real life) ? Hope things get better for you 

Highlights of my day so far : fed poor dead dragonfly that drowned in bathtub to big nasty redback spider that lives behind the mirror that leans on bathroom window .It jumped on it lol like Xmas dinner  I guess, plus tightened up leaking tap and found glue to try and stop seal sliding out of shower door, whhile wondering how I would ever be able to clean the place up properly when I leave . Time to leave town here am done with it, no good reason to be here, just didnt know how to leave. Will help when father dies. Wont have to hide from anyone anymore. 

once I was staying at cheap holiday unit only a kilometre maybe from sisters over priced house, we nearly walked into each other coming around a corner both on a walk I thought about it for a second a bit in shock, then thought stuff it dont want to talk to her anyway was no eye contact but nearly walked into each other. Says it All.

just thought would share.

Hope your day gets better.

[Anastasia]

Hugs @Clawde - you got this

Hugs @TABby Cat - you my friend are such a good egg (((((bigger hugs)))))

Hugs @Emelia8 and all following xox

[TAB]

Hi @Anastasia  hope you are okay Thanks

[Snowie]

@Clawde 💞💞

[Emelia8]

Hello dear @Clawde 

I read your heartbreaking post last night but was unable to respond at the time, I'm sorry.  But I was very pleased to see that you received some very wise and kindly advice from  @Anastasia @TAB @Former-Member  🙏💞

I'm really pleased that you have posted about what you are currently going through.  You are always showing such lovely support for other members here, but rarely talk about or seek support for yourself.  So I am very happy that you feel safe and confident enough to post.  👍🌹

Oh sweet kind @Clawde .. why do you call yourself OLD Clawde I wonder?  I'm 61, are you older than that, or younger?  You dont come across as old though, no matter how old you might be.

I am so sorry that whatever was said to you by your sister 12 years ago, has had such a lasting and painful impact on you.  Its well known that particularly painful or traumatic memories do not fade readily.  I am unable say whether you should, or indeed could, forgive. Thats really only something you would know.  Everyone is different and some forgive more readily than others, for all sorts of reasons.  I also accept that it is not healthy to hold a grudge forever. Some people find it very healing to find forgiveness for a wrongdoing. So if you have it in yourself to truly forgive what was said or done to you 12 years ago, then it may be beneficial to you.  How important is family to you right now?  However I also know that some things are simply unforgiveable.  For example I can never forgive my attacker ... I just can't!  

Having a close family member hurt you so badly, must be doubly upsetting for you. We should be able to rely on love and support from family.  But sadly that is often not the case.  But yes, it hurts a lot.

I'm really sorry that you are feeling so completely shattered and overwhelmed today @Clawde .  You sound quite distraught ... and knowing that saddens me greatly.  I dont like seeing my good friend so broken.💔

It was a couple of hours ago now since your latest post here.  Are you feeling just a little better by now I wonder? Bawling and sobbing is very exhausting I find.  But it also releases a lot of pend up emotions that you have likely been holding in for a long time.  

Although I feel a little lost in how best to help you right now @Clawde ... I want you to know that I care about you a great deal.  I want nothing more than for you to be happy. I am really glad that you found us here at SANE. And it pleases me greatly that you have found 'glue' here to help you 'keep things together' as well as possible.  Even though you dont make a huge number of posts ... I do know that everyone here thinks of you with a great deal of affection.  You support so many of us here, in your own quiet way.  And everyone appreciates that.  Almost (I think) as much as I do.  Nahh ... I take that back ... nobody could appreciate you any more than I do.  💞

And lastly @Clawde  ... thank you for your kind words around my 'real problems'.  But I do want to remind you that you too have very significant and real problems that you are dealing with. Your obvious trauma is every bit as real and life changing to you, as mine is to me.  Please do not underestimate the effects of any trauma, irrespective of the type or circumstances.  So please never hesitate to ask for support if you need it.

Much love my friend.

Emelia 💞😊

[TAB]

Gosh @Emelia8 😸 .. @Meowmy @Schitzo @greenpea @Clawde 😸