I'm not sure how much I can be here today, so wanted to respond as much as I can to all your recent messages. I am feeling the need to retreat into a ball and hide for the next 2 days. I feel the walls crowding in on me and the ceilings crushing my breath away. I have few words ... feeling tongue tied, brain fried, physical freeze. There are however lots of fears, insecurities, vulnerabilities, strong emotions .. and tears.
@Anastasia ... interesting fact that every cell in our entire body is replaced every 7 years. Thank you for sharing. It should mean that the strong feeling of violation should not be as strong as it is now. I will try hard to remember that fact. Thanks so much for the sentiment and meaning behind the quote that despite being apart, we can still be there for each other. This is the case for so many of us here I guess. I kept telling myself overnight that people cared and that you and others were keeping me safe in your hearts. Thank you for delivering the big hug, gorgeous fragile flowers and chai this morning. I had a morning cuppa out on our deck this morning and had you in mind, imagining that my friends here would be sitting there with me if they could. I'm sorry you lost a post this morning. You dont need a lot of words to convey the message that you care, and I thank you ever so much for that. 💞🤗
@outlander ... I'm glad you have been able to (largely) avoid a lot of the news this past week or two. Yes, there is not doubt at all that trauma changes us. I'm sorry you too are going through a really tough time right now, with health matters and pop concerns. 😇
@Former-Member ... thank you lovely friend. You are always so wise, and I appreciate your willingness to share your own experiences in relation to mine. I realise that it would not be an easy thing for you to do. 💔 You asked me if I secretly blamed myself for the rape. In all honesty ... I used to. But I dont any more. Therapy has helped in that regard. I know I did everything I possibly could to prevent it from happening. I pleaded with him to leave, I screamed, I fought, I said no ... over and over again. But in the end, I know that nothing I said or did was going to change the outcome that afternoon/evening. My biggest mistake was to trust someone I'd once known well, but had not seen or heard of for 3 years. So do I blame myself for being too trusting, too naive? Perhaps I do. Could I ever have foreseen what was to happen ... no I couldnt. The emergency hugs are much needed today EOR .. thank you. 🙏
@Snowie @Bow @WIP ... I apologise that I am running out of steam, so cannot respond individually. Want each of you to know how much your messages mean to me. Thank you all so very much, and I hope your days are an improvement on your yesterday's. 🌺 @Clawde ... thanks so much for all the supports earlier. You are a good friend and I appreciate you. 🌹
Thank you everyone, including those I have not tagged above.
Emelia 😔
