14th year house bound

[jamesle2015]

Jacques

I am at home when I am not at work or doing shopping.

Back in 2010 I was driving home from work and I ahd a panic attack and I had to pull over.

I have not driven anywhere by myself since then.

I have never had any 'friends' - except for a short time when I was younger and a few years ago but he went overseas. I don't socialise at all at the moment.

I have to face public for living - which is a bit strange for someone like me but life is strange.

I'm struggling - I know I need to get better but I can't take the first step.

 I work normal business hours but I wake up early

around 7am Monday to Friday.

I don't sleep well..

I have someone in my family who is an alcoholic but refuses to get help..

he was here after midnight on Wednesday I couldn't sleep because he was here arguing with Mum

i'm tired of his behaviour but I can't do anything about it

he has been like this since he was younger..he always mix with wrong people and cause problems

he has relationship problem with girlfriend..but she is very tolerant and I feel sorry for her

it doesn't happen every week but it keeps happening ..I can remember the last time it happened

I have agoraphobia and I don't have any 'friends'

feeling discouraged as I haven't been to see my psych for a long time

I tried to call yesterday but no one answered

[Jacques]

Hi @jamesle2015,

I know how tough it is, and people do not understand that because you can go out for a few hours that you are still scared of people, my family think because i can sit in the car and go out that i am getting better, none of them realise how hard it is for me and how anxious i get just having to walk into a shop, i actually have to psych myself up just to go in, most of the time i look at the ground only looking up when i get to the item i want to buy.

It is very difficult when family members suffer from MH issues too, i get so nervious around a family member with MH issues, she is vey triggering for me.

You have done well reaching out to mental health professionals, please keep trying, you should be proud you have made the first step. 

Please do not get offended at anything i have said, i am only trying to help, if you are upset with anything i write i am sorry.

Take care, be safe

Jacques

[Jacques]

Hi My angel,

Well today is the day and i know you will be unbelievably anxious, you are strong Karen, so much stronger than you know, my thoughts are with you my friend.

Karen it is overcast here today, the cockatoos are singing and the lambs are baaaring, the cattle have just got a new bail of hay, they are wasting no time getting into it.   Miss Piggy is sleeping in this morning.

in a few minutes i am going to light a insense stick while thinking of you. i am going to do this every day from now on.

Karen be kind to yourself, try to make the best of this situation, i know it is difficult, and remember i will be with you always, just close your eyes and i will be their.

Take Care, Be Safe

Jacques

[hiddenite]

Hi Jacques well I'm in hospital, freaking out. I remember why I don't like this place.

Thanks for you kindness I really appreciate it.

I love hearing about the animals and what you get up to during the day.

Take care my friend hope you are ok.

Nik thanks for the lovely gift.

Karen

[Appleblossom]

Hi @hiddenite

We are listening and waiting for you to get out again.

Learn as much as you can while you are in there ... and please share with us all when you can.

But dont put too much pressure on yourself ... you have good instincts.

[eth]

Hi @hiddenite  I really hope you get the help you hope for and start to feel better soon.  Best wishes for a good team to help you and that when you leave there you feel a lot stronger.  I know how scary it can be, I've had to go in a few times.  Here to listen if you want. 🙂

[Jacques]

Hi My Angel,

Wow you made it, gosh you are such a strong person, i could not do it, the fear would over ride everything, i know they are scary places, but please remember Karen this time you are not alone, you have the support of me and everyone else here, i will be here for you every day and night if that is what it takes. last time you had no support, this time you have me

Karen you are my best friend, kindness comes with the package, it is an all in sort of thing, if you want to be friends with me, kindness, caring, dedication and loyalty come with the package.

I know you love the animals, well my neighbour has created a monster, the mag pie i was telling you about, well the couple from the house where away today, and forgot to give Ms Magpie her mince, well she waited and waited, then started banging on the windows, oh my i thought she was going to break them anyway after a while she went and got some worms, so no problems, but boy they can become demanding.

Well today i did some computer work, and have bee nfreaking out because the phone has been rining so much because of the death of the relative, we seem to be the hub for the family communications, we hear from no one unless their is a wedding or funeral.

The engine block top and bottom is all painted, i will send a pick when i piece her all together, i am just about to order new bolts and nuts for it, i spoke with mum and she agrees if i am going to go to all the effor of new gaskets and seals and pain i may as well replace the old rusted nuts and bolts.  so i am getting a list together of all the different sizes required.

i have put paint stripper on the rear suspension arm to strip of the old paint, boy it is going to take some prep work, it has rust and the frame is complex so cleaning the paint is going to be a real pain.

I lit a sandlewood Insense stick for you my angel, and i sat and watched the beautiful smoke weave it's way off the sticks all the time thinking of you my friend.

Well that is my day, i do hope we can talk some more, i was worried i was not going to be able to speak to you.

you have made my day, i am here for you always.

Jacques

[hiddenite]

Hi Jacques 

Well it took me 44 years to finally have a best friend and you were worth the wait. Your so kind and compassionate, gentle with a beautiful sole.

I'm so fortunate to have found you I couldn't ask for a better friend.

Thank you Jacques you have made such a difference in my life.

Karen

Thank you to everyone for their support.

[Andirose]

I am slowly reading through this thread... i think you are all amazing... i would like to do a more comprehensive post after i have read as much as I can... but i could not resist responding to this one about teeth... i suffer severe anxiety...just one of the diagnosis and i clench my teeth in my sleep.... i have three teeth that are just halved by the pressure...and many more damaged... i hate the dentist.... i agree it is very distressing at the best of times....so well done for getting there and getting it sorted...one of my greatest fears is losing important teeth....
also grinding and clenching of teeth does cause severe headaches...
this is just one of the extra health problems we get as a by product of anxiety... hang in there ... i look forward to participating in this thread...
Blessings
Andirose

[Jacques]

Hi My angel,

I am so sorry i have been a little busy looking at some stuff online and missed your post.

OMG Karen that is so sweet, i am glad i was worth the wait, i have to say, if i never meet anyone again i would be a very happy person, you are amazing, kind, compassionate, intelligent, caring, loving, and selfless.  i could never ask for more in a friend. i know we are going to be life long friends.

Karen i am glad i have made a difference, and guess what, we are going to work through your stay together, you will never be alone in life ever again, i will always be their, like a rash

My angel, i hope you are settling in, i know how difficult it is and not having any safe place to go, my thoughts are always with you my angel, i even lit another insense stick and watched it while thinking of you.

I am here now if you want to chat.

Take care my friend

Jacques