14th year house bound

[Jacques]

Well my angel it is another day, and i know things will be getting very tough for you, you will be anticipating the worst, i am here to help you through it, every step of the way, i will not allow you to go through this alone, i will always be with you.

Today is sunny here, i have the fan going already so it must be already above 25 degrees.

The birds are singing and the sheep are grazing, their is a light breeze and i am writing to my best friend.

I know this afternoon will be hard with the girls, i know it will be tough on all of you, i do wish you all the best this afternoon.

Well i am here if you want to talk.

Thinking of you my friend.

Jacques

[hiddenite]

Hi Jacques well I've just finished the mowing my anxiety through the roof. Shaking the whole lot.....

To top it off I got a sms from centre link saying they have an online letter for me to view. Well do you think I can work it out. No not me I'm too stupid. I even opened my own account with password etc.....

Why can't people just send a letter in the mail......really.

I've had enough of this day and I haven't even told the girls yet.

Sorry about the venting j

Hope you are ok

[Jacques]

Oh Karen, i know the feeling, i know things are starting to get bad now, just be strong, you will be through this soon enough.

Karen, please calm down i will talk you through it:

1. ok you need to go to https://my.gov.au/
2. now you need to type your user name and password
3. another windows will pop up asking for one of 3 secret questions you have or you will reveive a security code by text message, it is usually a 6 digit code.
4. once you are logged in go to inbox and your letter will be their

Karen if you want the option to get letters from centrelink by mail i can tell you how to change it:

1. Stay logged in and click on centrelink (in my linked services)
2. click on letters
3. go down to mygov inbox and select no
4. when asked why select do not have regular internet access
5. then click continue

Karen can you please stop calling yourself stupid and pathetic, just ask me if i know how it is done, if you don't know you just have not learned yet, that is all, you can't know everything.

Please don't be sorry, i am here to listen and help.

My thoughts are with you my friend, always.

Jacques

[hiddenite]

Hi Jacques thank you so much for showing me that. I followed everything and it still says I have no mail. So at this point I'm just going to leave it. I've got too much happening.

I wish I could cry I feel like I'm going to but nothing happens.I've got so much pressure much chest feels like I'm being crushed.

Hospital rang to make sure I'll be there by 12

Treating team rang to make sure I am going.

Overwhelmed

Jacques I'm thinking of you

[NikNik]

Hi Karen,
I think it's a really good idea not to focus on unimportant things at the moment and to focus on the next day or so.

Remember, if you continue to feel overwhelmed tonight and not able to reduce the anxiety it seems like you're experiencing, please call one of the crisis numbers.
Lifeline: 13 11 14
Suicide call back: 1300 659 467

Thinking of you

[Jacques]

Ok Karen, looks like they have screwed up not you, when you see your treating team see if they can enquire for you.  I understand, you do have a lot going on, i was trying thebest i could to help.

I know my angel, i often wish i could cry but nothing happens, even when i really try, nothing, i think for you and me we have been abused so much that we have turned off our emotions, it is frustrating and it would be so nice to release all this pent up hurt.

Karen, i will make sure tomorrow i am by the computer the whole day in case you need some extra support, don't worry if you don't want to talk or are unable to, i will just be here in case.

How are you going with the girls? how are you going packing? How is your mother treating you?

Karen my thoughts are with you always, but more so during this difficult time.

Here is a little something to take in with you, please remember i will be here for you every day until you come home, you will not be alone, even if you can't talk i will write every day.

[hiddenite]

Jacques i appreciate so much your help with center link you directions were so easy to follow.

I just don't know where that letter is.

I have told the girls they are on my bed having cuddles.

I will pack when they go to bed, so I dont upset them any further.

Mum is angry with me by traumatizing  the girls. My treating team spoke to her today telling her I didn't have an option that I had to go.

You don't have to sit by the computer j it's very thoughtful but I'm sure in going to be kept busy.

When I can I will let you know how I'm going.

[Jacques]

It is ok, i know they have made a mistake, or the letter is in the mail, like through Australia post, let me know when you get out of the MHU and i will talk you through how to change getting letters in the post.

Oh that is so sweet, i hope the girls aare giving you an extra cuddle for me, please Karen spend as long as you can with them tonight, this is the time you need to remember when you are in hospital.

I understand you will pack then, try to take it slow, if you get overwhelmed pack tomorrow.

Oh i am glad your treating team told her how it is, and that you had no choice, it would be so nice to hear one day that your mother is being more supportive.  maybe one day. it would be a nice dream to have.

Karen i know i don't have to, i want to, i know you will probably not be able to respond, but i will write anyway, i don't want you to feel alone and not supported, you are too special to me not to.

Thank you Karen, please don't feel under pressure to talk to me or let me know how you are, I will miss our little chats Karen, but i know you are getting some help, and that makes me happy, i really do hope you come out this time with feeling better and more supported.

[hiddenite]

Jacques the flowers are so beautiful you are so thoughtful. Can I sit with you for a while? I'll share my chocolates with you. I'm numb. I wish the chest pain would stop.

How was your day my friend?

How's the bike going?

The girls are in bed.

I've packed my bag but I'm not sure what I put in it.

[Jacques]

I Know the feeling my angel, i felt the exact same way last Christmas, everything is a blur and nothing really registered in my mind, you are right numb.

Karen try to take some deep breaths, it will help with the chest pain, take 4 or 5 deep breaths.  might help to go out side and get some fresh air while you do it.

Karen, my day was quiet, i put a shade sail over my Gazibo to give the plants some shade from the hot summers day's.

The motobike is going good, put the last coat on tonight of the lower part of the engine block, i will get started on the rear suspension arm tomorrow, i have to strip the old paint of tomrrow, ready for undercoat and top coat. it will be silver.

I hope the girls can get some sleep, i know they are worried abotut you, i do hope everything goes alright for you and the girls.  you really deserve a break in life, you have had a very tough time the past 2 years. all of you.

Maybe just check your bag tomorrow, underwear, clothes, toothpast, toothrush and comb should do it.  and maybe a good book to read