Battles

[rav3n]

oh true i didn't think about the size of the pic and the scrolling it would require... my bad! @Dreamy the only one my brain remembers from it is 'design a fairy garden'... i'm not even a fan of gardening but something about it stuck out. are you a fan of gardening?

[Dreamy]

@rav3n all good. Just brain is crap at retaining information. I'm not really a fan of gardening, like I like planting plants but maintaining it, weeding, watering etc just seems like so much effort. 

[Dreamy]

@rav3n @Jynx trying hard to focus on my music and do my colouring but brain is really fighting against me and i can feel myself slipping. 

[rav3n]

yep, i've been guilty of forgetting to water my plants too many times. but they're so fun to buy and admire... just don't like the effort it comes with either @Dreamy 

i hear how hard you're trying, and i'm proud of you for that. are you a fan of singing? sometimes singing my 'comfort/safe' songs out loud helps (gives my brain something else to focus on), does that work for you?

[Dreamy]

@rav3n i can't even focus on what song is playing most of the time. I have been trying but it's like my brain can't process and I can't get the words out. It's all just too much 😞

[MJG017]

@Dreamy 

I agree.  Far from a legend.  Ive said this before, but I don't know most of what you've been through, but I know enough to know what it must take to stay afloat.  A legend would have given up a long time ago.  Not only do you stay afloat, but you support others and always put others first. you passed legend status a long time ago.

I know you don't see it, but I see it like being a super fast swimmer but you can't get going because those a#$hole kids keep divebombing you in the pool!  If life ever gave you a break and just left you in peace for a while, it's scary to think what you would achieve if unleashed.

[Dreamy]

@MJG017 i don't know how I do it to be honest. Putting others first seems to come naturally to me but also means I don't have to deal with my problems. 

Love that analogy and yes it's very much what it feels like. I wish I could catch a break, to be given a chance to be my true self whatever that looks like. 

I saw this and straight away thought of you ❤️

 

[Jynx]

@Dreamy you got it in you to stand up and just kinda... shake yourself out? I have this like lil personal rule where if I am reaching a point of frustration, it's probably not gonna work - so I do a reset, shake everything out, scream into a pillow if I need to or just make some funny noises, go a bit floppy, and then return to stillness and just centre myself with like a minute or two of breathing. Liiiike 6 or 7 times outta 10 it helps me identify an unmet need or at least helps move some of the residual emotional energy outta my body.

It's almost like... the flashbacks are fooling your sympathetic nervous system into thinking you're in danger. You're trying to fool it into thinking you're safe. 

[Dreamy]

@Jynx i can't even move at the moment. My stomach is in knots and I feel so sick, doesn't help that I have emetophobia so that's only adding to the anxiety. I keep getting that feeling like right before you pass out, when your hearing goes, your head goes all weird and you start blacking out. My brain is thinking worst case scenarios, like what if I pass out then I chuck up and choke on my own vomit. 

[Jynx]

---

@Dreamy wrote:

@Jynx haha I'm far from a legend, just a person that's been and still goes through a crazy amount of sh!t that somehow manages to stay afloat. 

---

Hmmm nope says right here in my Big Book of Jynx's Humble Opinions -

"Dreamy: Legend, super chill, survivor, immaculate eye for colour, generous with time and energy, Buffy fan (immediate props), and cares deeply for all life"

Sorry, it's written in very pretty pen ink and still rings true in my humble opinion, so I won't be editing it 😋